“Not necessarily,” he says. “The Kali’Ka is the force that drives our hormones without the suppressor. It picks and chooses how the hormone fluctuates.”
I tap the table between us and remain silent. This female, who I know nothing about, occupies my mind like an obsession. The intensity frightens me. Like other spikes of anger I’ve experienced over the passings, it is uncomfortable in its abruptness and its power over me. Neither of the potential explanations for the phenomenon are particularly comforting to me.
“Do not worry yourself just yet,” he tells me. “This is what we will do. You will do your best to avoid interaction with Ella. We will need a few days to prepare all our equipment. There are some pieces that will need to be assembled this week. Once they are ready, I should be able to run scans on both yourself and Ella. We will know whether your hormone levels are still suppressed, and we shall ask Ella to be our first test subject for baseline human female hormone levels. She will think nothing of it, I am sure.”
I nod along as I listen. It is a practical plan. This is why I have trusted Pakka with the shameful truth, after all. His clear head and his intelligence are the reason we are here.
“Very well,” I agree. “This is what we will do.”
Chapter 6
Ella
Kila is avoiding me.
It doesn’t take long before its painfully obvious that the sight of me either disgusts or angers him. On Monday, I was confused by his mixed signals, but I didn’t think it was anything more than first day jitters. I don’t expect much when it comes to meeting new alien species for the first time by this point. I have come to find it pretty amusing how low an opinion they often have of human intelligence and culture. I figured that whatever weird reactions he had to me would blow over once he’d spent some time in the office.
But by Thursday, it is clear enough—he hates me. He hasn’t looked at me, spoken to me, or even acknowledged my existence. He’s been pulling this cold shoulder routine since the second he walked through the door on Tuesday morning.
My best guess is that he’s disgusted by me. Ever since our first conversation and surprise group porn-viewing session, the flood gates have opened when it comes to the crew asking me questions about human ‘mating calls’. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell them that we don’t have ‘mating calls’; they just go on calling it that. And now I’m expected to represent every human female on the face of the Earth.
Once Kiva moved past his initial shock, he began asking me every question under the sun.
Questions like: “How do the males court their chosen female once they’ve felt the mating call?” “How many partners does the typical human female take over the course of her lifetime?” “What male attributes does the female seek in an ideal partner?”
I’ve noticed that when I begin to try and answer these impossible, overly broad questions, Kila practically flings himself away from the area and disappears from earshot. I could have sworn he was eyeballing me on Monday because he liked the way I look. Maybe he’s heard just how experienced I am by the way I’ve answered the questions and decided I’m far too Deviant for his taste.
I’m not certain I need to worry about it, but if there’s anything I’ve learned from working as a Handler here, it’s that even the slightest of differences between human and alien cultures can cause a major misunderstanding. Unraveling it all and helping both sides to understand each other is the main point of my job here. Once I know what’s caused this, we’ll know how to avoid the same thing happening with any human subjects that come to provide data.
My first instinct is to speak with Pakka. He’s the leader and he is extremely focused on work, so I feel he is the least likely to take offense to my questioning. I sidle up to him after the lunch break has ended.
“Pakka,” I address him with a smile. “Can I speak with you for a second?”
“I can only assume this will take longer than an Earth second. But you may proceed, yes.” He does not even look up from his work. His face is an inch from the massive panel that will soon control the van-sized box they’ve constructed at the back of their lab. Apparently, they’re planning to put people in it and measure biological responses. The panel hangs to the side, while Pakka carefully connects hair-thin wires from the mechanical hub to corresponding buttons.
“It’s just that I’ve noticed Kila is rather cold towards me, and I’m hoping I haven’t done something wrong to upset him. It’s important that everyone on this team is comfortable with one another.”
“Kila? No, I have not noticed anything wrong. You are imagining it, Ella-vi. After our discussion on Monday, I think we have all come to realize that we will need your knowledge to complete this project. I value your presence here,” he says.
“Ah, well, that is nice to hear, but I don’t think I’m imagining it. Kila can hardly stand to look at me. Is it something I’ve said?”
He shakes his head vigorously, never ripping his eyes from the panel. “No, no, Ella. Everything is fine.”
It’s then that I realize— he knows exactly what I’m talking about and he’s gas-lighting me to hide it. Typical men. These Kar’Kali can pretend all they want that they have no personal connections, but I know bro-code in action when I see it.
“Okay,” I say innocently. “My mistake.”
Now I know I will have to get the information straight from the source. I decide it will be best to corner him, alone, and speak to him as softly and calmly as possible. Sometimes I feel less like a Handler to alien scientists and more like a wrangler of wild animals in this job. It’s best not to spook them. They’ll bite if they feel threatened. And oftentimes, they’re more afraid of you than you are of them.
***
Kila
Everything is much worse than I originally feared. This week has been treacherous, and I was once left for dead in the desert of a mining planet far beyond enemy lines. My body and mind have truly betrayed me.
On Tuesday, Ella arrived wearing a fitted black dress that displayed her curves for all to see. It covered her skin, yes, but her shape was quite noticeable. It is not enough, of course, that she is physically appealing. It is becoming clear to me that she is perfect in all ways. Now that I notice this, I feel fury at remembering how I insinuated that she is as feeble-minded as other humans.
She is a kind female that thinks of other people always, even before herself. That day, she brought with her a box of donuts, which she described as a pleasing morning food that humans purchase for celebratory moments. She wished to celebrate our new lab and the beginning of our research, even though she and the human race will receive no benefits from our findings. Kiva exulted in the flavor of these sweet, colorful breads and showered her with gratitude. The attentions he gives her anger me, and at once I realized I was experiencing jealousy.
Jealousy, a most dangerous emotion, one that Kar’Kali have believed was exterminated from our culture. Here I am, losing my mind to it. Soon I will become no better than a Deviant. I will become like the villains of the stories we heard as children, striking down one of my own people for coveting my desired mate.
As soon as Ella realized that we labored to finish assembling all our equipment as quickly as possible, she began offering to bring sustenance and water to the lab so that we could focus solely on our tasks. She arrived at midday with a tray of sandwiches that she carried from the cafeteria, a pitcher of water, and cups for all of us.