“So, you find me attractive. On Earth, that’s considered completely normal, Kila. There’s no need to apologize,” I say. “Is there some way I can respect the Kar’Kali way? Do your females cover themselves? Do you usually not work with females at all?”
He blinks, in momentary confusion. “No, females and males wear the same uniforms befitting their rank. Females and males are equal in all things on Kar’Kali. It is a great pride of our planet, this fact.”
“That’s nice,” I say. For the first time since that day we met, he is allowing himself to really look at me, and the change is jarring. His eyes flicker from my own, down to my lips, and then to my now empty hands. Then, he is back to watching my face, as if searching for something.
“I would be unfair of me to ask you to make a change when I am the one at fault here,” he says. “Maybe it is normal for humans, but it is not normal for Kar’Kali. I fear there is something very wrong with me, but do not worry. It will be resolved.”
I guess being attracted to me is a real hardship for him. This realization makes me want to laugh, but I decide it’s better to hide that, since he is so serious about all this. I don’t know how to react; I’m completely in shock. I’ll have to talk to Jen and find out how the heck to navigate a Kar’Kali crush without causing an intergalactic moral panic. Kar’Kali that succumb to sexual desires are excommunicated, so for Kila there is real reason to be fearful, even if the whole situation would be comical to any human.
The worst part is that Kila is easily the sexiest man I’ve ever laid eyes on. Especially now, when he gazes at me like my words might break him, with stray black hairs falling over his brow. There is no doubt in my mind that if he felt like exploring the world of ‘deviance’, I’d be happy to lead him straight to the dark side and release the inner temptress.
“Hey, it’s okay,” I assure him. “I’m sure you’re right, and you’ll figure it out. It’s okay if you want to ignore me. I won’t let it bother me now that I understand.”
I turn to go, but he grabs my wrist and stops me. My heart pounds. “—Kila?”
“Ella, you are too good,” he groans with darkened eyes. “I will avoid you once again. It is for the best. But first I must know something because I am a weak male.”
“What is it?” I ask.
“Tell me if you feel it too. I need to know,” he says.
I let out a deep breath. “I don’t know that my answer will be helpful to you. Are you sure it’s such a good idea to—”
“No, it is not. But I am a male gone insane and I need to hear this answer, if only to soothe my addled mind.” His eyes are pleading me. He wants me this badly? I am flooded with heat at the thought that I’ve driven him mad. He can’t possibly be aware of human movies and romantic words, and yet he speaks just like a Casanova determined to convince me I am the only antidote to the poison of his desire. Can it be true that he earnestly feels that way towards me, just by looking at me? We hardly know each other.
I can’t lie to him. But I can’t let this situation get worse.
“You’re a very handsome guy, Kila. What do you want me to say? Of course I find you attractive. Of course I feel something. But if you’re determined to ignore me, then its best we don’t talk about it, don’t you think? Besides, we have to work together,” I say the words as evenly as possible, and I pull my wrist out of his hand. He stares at me as though I slapped him.
Just then, Pakka pops his head into the hallway and barks, “Kila! I must speak with you immediately.”
I slip further away from Kila and call over to Pakka. “Hey, do you have things under control for the rest of the day? I’ve got to speak to Jen before I head out.”
Pakka nods, eyeing Kila suspiciously. Oh, he knows. “See you tomorrow, Ella-vi,” he says.
“Bye,” I squeak out before turning to hustle down the halls. There is shouting coming from Jen’s office, so I wait outside by her secretary’s desk and get myself under control. Hassan, her over-worked twenty-year-old minion, just glances at me.
“You alright?” he asks. “You look like you sprinted here.”
“Fine, fine,” I pant. He watches me with narrowed eyes for a moment and then swivels away in his chair, apparently deciding he doesn’t have time to discover what the heck is wrong with me.
“The next time you come in this office, you better have a goddamn good reason why, Miikra!” Jen calls out as her door swings open. The Sciva that nearly squashed Kila and I moments ago in the hallway emerges looking extremely disgruntled. Well, they usually look disgruntled, so I can’t be sure.
Once he’s gone, his thumping steps receding, Jen notices me lurking outside the door. “Ella? What is it?”
“We gotta talk,” I say.
“Oh, great,” she mutters, and waves me into the office.
I follow her and shut the door.
“What is it?” she asks. “I thought things were going alright. Are they still not accepting the idea of having a Handler around? Just say the word and I’ll go in there and kick some gray Kar’Kali ass.”
“No, that’s not it. Something… Well, something weird is going on.”
“Something weird, huh? Tell me something I don’t know. Miikra is up my ass because his lab is across from a Verguli lab, and he’s claiming their natural scent smells like Sciva piss. But I can’t move either of them, because they’ve both spent weeks setting up equipment and arranging samples in their spaces. The Scivas can’t stand to be there, and the Verguli seem to think it’s hilarious, so they go stand in the lab while the Scivas are on lunch just to get a laugh.” She’s waving her arms around like a lunatic. “So go ahead, tell me what weird shit is going on with you.”
“Uh, how do I say this? One of the Kar’Kali guys… He has a little bit of a crush on me. And I think it’s freaking him out. Like seriously freaking him out.”
Jen blinks, dropping her arms. She stands like that for a beat, and then bursts out laughing. After she’s gone on like that for a moment, she coughs a bit and then says, “Wow, and I really thought when I took this job that I’d be focusing on important scientific discoveries. But okay, let’s talk about the repressed alien that has a boner for you.”
I summarize what happened for her, and she juts out her bottom lip thoughtfully.
“The thing is that Kar’Kali have these suppressors implanted in infancy. I’m not sure what could possibly cause his to stop working, and I know for a fact there’s no way any Earthly factors could disrupt them. The technology is insanely advanced. The controllers on Kar’Kal that monitor the population-wide hormone fluctuations can transmit data across many galaxies,” she explains.
“How do you know?” I ask, feeling like an idiot when compared to Jen’s encyclopedic knowledge.
“The Azza have taken Kar’Kali prisoners of war before, and ended up transporting them deep behind enemy lines. Apparently, they’ve conducted experiments before, trying to remove or tinker with the suppressors of their prisoners. But until the suppressors are destroyed or the prisoner is killed, the Kar’Kali back at base are still able to track the location and hormone levels of the soldiers. It allowed them to pin-point some enemy targets for a while, a couple hundred years back, but the Azza have learned their lesson and they don’t take many Kar’Kali prisoners anymore.”