"She is the Evolved Lamb," the technician said again. "I am Francis Hamn, bishop of the Church of the Evolved Lamb. My associate is Sam Berlant, who is also with the Church. For decades our Church has concerned itself with bringing forth the Evolved Lamb, an entity who combines the best qualities of humanity and the pastoral qualities of the lamb. To aid us in our quest, and to avoid misidentifying the Evolved Lamb, we created a crucible test—a test that only one with the qualities of the Evolved Lamb would be able to accomplish. That test, Hubu-auf-Getag, was your clan's coronation ceremony. There are only two classes of people who can perform it—members of your clan, and the Lamb herself. And here she is."
"I don't understand," Hubu-auf-Getag said. "You're computer technicians."
"Yes," Hamn agreed. "Computer technicians who belong to a church. A church that through its business ventures provided your clan with sheep and the computer network which now controls your world and through which your clan's power has run. We provided your clan the means to power. The cost was that it was also the test for a goal of our own: The creation of an entity prophesied by our founders. Look at her, Hubu-auf-Getag—she is the living embodiment of an entire religion's purpose."
Everybody turned to look at Robin Baker.
"Oh, for God's sake," Robin Baker snapped. "How divine can I be? My feet hurt. I have gas. I need to pee."
Hubu-auf-Getag turned back to Francis Hamn. "Be that as it may, your 'test' has caused my clan to fall from power."
Creek spoke up. "On the contrary, Hubu-auf-Getag," he said. "Another clan challenged your power and came to within a hair's breadth of taking the throne. Only the very fact of who and what Miss Baker is, and her actions during the ceremony, prevented it from happening."
"If she wasn't the Evolved Lamb, Narf-win-Getag would now be Fehen," Hamn said. "And your clan would have suffered. Gravely."
"But now she is Fehen," Hubu-auf-Getag said.
"Who is willing to hand nearly the all of her powers to you, Hubu-auf-Getag," Creek said. "If I were you, I'd sell the 'divine intervention" angle to your clan and kin. I'd sell it hard."
"I need to confer with my clan," Hubu-auf-Getag said.
"But of course," Creek said. Hubu-auf-Getag walked off.
"I notice you didn't mention to Hubu-auf-Getag that your church has manipulated events as much as anyone has in this little adventure," Creek said to Hamn.
"Details, details," Hamn said, and looked up at Robin. "Speaking of which, there's a small detail about the Church Miss Baker needs to know."
"What is it?" Robin asked.
"The Church of the Evolved Lamb exists to bring about the Evolved Lamb," Hamn said. "The Church's steering council, which Sam and I represent here, is in unanimous agreement It's you."
"What if I don't want the position?" Robin asked.
"It's not an office," Sam Berlant said. "It's a state of being. Even if you don't want to be it, you're still it. Your arrival is incredibly significant to us—and to all religions. It's the first time in recorded history that a prophesied religious entity has been intentionally brought into being. You're the religious find of the millennia, Miss Baker."
"Swell," Robin said.
"There are compensations," Hamn said, gently. "The Church has significant material, real estate, and business holdings. These are all administered by a governing council and various boards of directors, but technically, it's all held in trust for the Evolved Lamb, should he or she ever arise."
Robin stared for a second, and then held up her hand as if to pause the conversation. "So you're saying I own the Church."
"Well, no," Hamn said, "just all of its assets."
"So that's a lot," Robin said.
"It's not bad," Hamn allowed.
"So, we're talking, what? A million? Two million?"
Hamn looked over to Sam Berlant. "As of the market close last Friday, 174.9 billion dollars," Sam said.
"175 billion dollars," Robin said. "Billion, as in, the one with the nine zeros after it."
"That's the one," Hamn said.
"Technically, it makes you the richest single person on Earth," Sam Berlant said. "The Walton family is worth more in aggregate, but there are a couple hundred of them."
"I feel like I just swallowed a golf ball," Robin said, and moved to sit.
Creek moved over to steady her. "Easy, Robin," he said. "You already run a planet. This is just a little extra bonus."
"Harry," Robin said. "Do you have any clue how far outside reality you have to be to describe 175 billion dollars as a bonus?"
"Just promise you'll remember me at Christmastime," Creek said. He sat down next to Robin, who smiled and patted his shoulder.
Hubu-auf-Getag returned a few minutes later. "The auf-Getag clan is prepared to offer its allegiance to the new Fehen," he said. "Our influence is such that we believe that the other clans—even the win-Getag clan—will follow suit."
Robin stood. "So you will do as I say," she said.
"Yes," Hubu-auf-Getag said.
"Really," Robin said.
"You may test our loyalty in any way you choose," Hubu-auf-Getag said.
"Brian," Robin said.
"Yes, Fehen," Brian said.
"Would you inform Secretary Heffer his presence is requested by the Fehen."
"At once," Brian said. Jim Heffer arrived two minutes later.
"You asked for me, Fehen" Secretary Heffer said.
"I did," Robin said. "My good friend Hubu-auf-Getag and I were recently discussing the unfortunate series of misunderstands between Nidu and the UNE. He and I agreed that in light of the possible damage between these great nations, Nidu could benefit from making a goodwill gesture to the peoples of Earth and her colonies. Isn't that right, Hubu-auf-Getag?"
"That is entirely correct, Fehen," Hubu-auf-Getag said.
"I'm glad to hear it," Heffer said. "What does the Fehen have in mind?"
"Oh, not me," Robin said. "What I'm about to say comes entirely from Hubu-auf-Getag. Secretary Heffer, aren't there two Nidu destroyers in orbit around Earth at the moment?"
"I believe there are," Heffer said.
"I hear they're very nice," Robin said. "Top of the line and all of that."
"They are excellent ships," Heffer said.
"Well, then," Robin said. "Hubu-auf-Getag wants the UNE to have them. Don't you, Hubu-auf-Getag?"
Creek spent the next several seconds wondering if a Nidu's head could, in fact, actually explode from rage.
"There is nothing that would give me greater pleasure," Hubu-auf-Getag finally said, in a tone that suggested his entrails had cramped.
"That is wonderful news," Heffer said. "Our secretary of defense will be immensely pleased. May I pass along your compliments, Hubu-auf-Getag?"
"Please do," Hubu-auf-Getag said, tightly.
"And Secretary Heffer," Robin said. "You may also inform your government that Hubu-auf-Getag is to be governor of Nidu and her colonies. He has my authority to act in my place in every matter."
"Very good, Fehen," Heffer said. "My congratulations, Governor. Will there be an installation ceremony?"
Hubu-auf-Getag looked to Robin Baker. "It is up to the Fehen"
"Well, I think we should," Robin said. "Let's say, in one hour? After all, everyone is already here."
Robin stepped down from the dais and walked over to Narf-win-Getag, still prone on the ground. "And as for you, you shit-head," she said. "I'm going to make sure you get the best seat in the house, to watch everything you ever wanted given to someone else. Tell me what you think about that."