She took to wandering around the village, to give herself space to think. The charge laid on her by Asara was a heavy one. At least she knew now why Asara had followed her into the forest: she had an investment to protect. But even if Kaiku could do it, the question was: should she? Did she dare allow a being like that to procreate?
It was not the same to her as being asked to stop Asara having children. That she would never do. That was taking something away from her. But giving her the ability to breed seemed another matter entirely. It was action rather than inaction: every deed of her offspring, every result would be because of Kaiku.
What if they all grew with Asara's abilities? What if they were all as deceitful as their mother? How could they fail to be? Gods, she would be making Asara the progenitor of a new race. A race of beings who could take on any face, any human form; the perfect spies, lethal mimics, with unguessable life-spans. Only the Sisters would be able to penetrate their disguise.
She caught herself. Her imagination was running away with her, perhaps. There was no guarantee that Asara's off-spring would inherit her gift. And even if they did, there was no reason why they should become the beautiful and dreadful creatures that Kaiku envisaged. Asara's nature would not necessarily be theirs.
But the possibility was there. She could not deny that.
She wanted to talk it over with Tsata. It was frustrating that he was so close by and yet she was oath-bound not to speak of it. She admired his incisive mind and his honesty. He would have been able to help her untangle the knots. He would have told her that action and inaction are the same in this matter, that if she was prepared to deny Asara the gift of fertility for fear of creating a race of monsters then she should be prepared to prevent her from conceiving too, and vice versa. He would have cut through the deceptions that she made for herself, the double standards and smokescreens of etiquette and belief. He would have told her that the real reason she was debating this was because she did not want the responsibility of having to make that choice.
She knew all this, but it did not make the deciding any easier. Night stole across the land again, and this time there were no moons to leaven it.
The soldiers had come to dread the darkness. The prospect of sleep was worse than the exhaustion of being awake, and many were too afraid to even try; yet always they were dragged down towards unconsciousness. Sentries nodded at their posts; heads lolled, and their owners were startled awake with a cry as the nightmares leaped hungrily upon them. The forest was a place that tricked the eye anyway, but deprived of sleep as they were, they were constantly seeing movement and fleeting hallucinations.
'We have to set out tomorrow,' Doja had growled at Kaiku. 'These men can't take this any longer. We'll carry Phaeca and the Tkiurathi woman if necessary.'
Kaiku had not flatly forebade it, but she was reluctant. In the end, she agreed that if Peithre's condition improved overnight enough to safely move her, then they could fashion stretchers and set off again. She, too, was concerned about the state of mind of the party. Her kana-ministered metabolism meant that she was not so exhausted as the others, but she feared that accidents were bound to happen if there was much more of this. There were altogether too many rifles and jumpy trigger fingers in this camp.
But there was one ray of hope among it alclass="underline" just after the last of the dusk had fled the sky, word came to Kaiku that Lucia was awake and lucid. Kaiku hurried to her, and found her outside her tent. She gave Kaiku a fleeting smile and invited her to walk. They wandered a little way from the camp, among the nacreous wonders of the emyrynn, and Kaiku was relieved to see that she was indeed clear-headed and attentive.
'The Xhiang Xhi is not far,' Lucia said.
'Is that so?' Kaiku asked in surprise. 'We cannot have penetrated very deep into the forest yet.'
Lucia cast her a slyly amused look. 'This is a place of spirits,' she said. 'We could walk forever and never reach the other side, or we could emerge there within an hour's march. Distance is fluid here. Don't you think it a coincidence that this village happened to be so close to where Peithre fell? In a forest this size, wasn't that extraordinarily convenient?'
'It had occurred to me,' Kaiku admitted.
'If the Xhiang Xhi did not want to be found, we would never find it,' Lucia said. 'But it does.'
'Then why does it not appear? Why put us through this?'
'I don't know. The ways of the spirits are strange. Perhaps it's testing us. Perhaps it's curious about me, and wishes to study me first.'
Kaiku did not like that thought. 'You could still turn back, Lucia,' she said. 'It is not too late.'
Lucia gave her a sorrowful look. 'Oh, it is. Far too late.' She looked away, out of the village through the dark trees and unfamiliar foliage. 'Besides, if we turned back now we would never get out of the forest. The Xhiang Xhi wants to see me. It's intrigued, I think. If not for that, we would not have survived even this long.'
'If it wants to see you, why is it allowing us to be harmed?' Kaiku asked rhetorically.
Lucia answered anyway. 'It wants to see me,' she replied. 'The rest of you are expendable, perhaps.'
Kaiku felt a slow chill creep through her.
Lucia turned with a suddenness of movement that made Kaiku stop walking. The younger woman gazed at her with an unfamiliar purpose in her eyes.
'Lucia, what is it?'
'There are things I must say to you,' she said. 'In case I never again get the chance to speak them.'
Kaiku frowned. 'Do not talk that way.'
'I'm serious, Kaiku,' she said. 'I don't know if I'll ever be this clear-headed again.'
'Of course you will!' Kaiku protested. 'Once we get out of the forest, you will-'
'Let me speak!' Lucia snapped. Kaiku was shocked into silence. Lucia softened. 'Forgive me. Let me say this. That is all I ask.'
Kaiku nodded.
'I want to thank you. That is all. You and Mishani. I want you to know that… I appreciate everything you have done for me. For being like sisters to me. And you have always, always been on my side. When all this is done, I…' She trailed off. 'I just wanted you to know. You have my love, and you always will.'
Kaiku felt her eyes welling, and she gathered Lucia up in an embrace. 'Heart's blood, you make it sound like a farewell. We will come through this, Lucia. You will live to tell Mishani that yourself.' Lucia clutched her closer. 'I will protect you, even if it means my life.'
'There are some things that even you cannot protect me from,' Lucia whispered. And then she looked up, over Kaiku's shoulder, and some aspect of her body language told Kaiku there was somebody there. She turned, and it was Heth.
'Is Tsata with you?' he asked without apology or preamble.
The tone in his voice killed the caustic reply Kaiku was about to make. 'I have not seen him,' she replied instead.
'But he left to go after you,' Heth said, his features animate with confusion as he wrestled with the unfamiliar Saramyrrhic syllables. 'Into the forest.'
'I have not been out of the village,' Kaiku said.
'He saw you leave,' Heth persisted. 'I was with him. I did not see you, but he did. He said he must talk with you.'
An odd foreboding was settling into Kaiku's marrow. 'When was this?'
'A few minutes ago. Peithre has worsened; I came to fetch him.'
Kaiku looked at Lucia. 'Three nights past, the night I was attacked by the spirit in the trees… I saw you walk out into the forest, and I went to follow you.'
Lucia looked blank. 'I didn't leave my tent that night. I was asleep, and there were guards outside.'
'Gods!' Kaiku hissed. 'Go back to the camp! Heth, show me where he went!'