“I am well, Jaax,” she finally said, a bit breathlessly. “However, I won’t lie to you and tell you I am fully recovered. What Keiron did cut deep, and it still hurts, but I am ready to move past it.” Jahrra gave a small smile and looked at her guardian. “As long as I still have friends I can rely on, then I will survive the blows of those who wish me ill. But I still wonder about something,” she added tentatively.
The dragon nodded. “Go on.”
Jahrra turned sorrow-filled eyes onto him. “How long did you know, for certain, that Keiron planned treachery?”
Her guardian winced ever so slightly, and Jahrra felt her heart leap up into her throat.
Begrudgingly, Jaax answered, “The night you fled Cahrdyarein. Dervit left your cabin for some fresh air and noticed a figure in a cloak sneaking through the woods. On a whim, he followed this person and discovered Keiron meeting up with the soldiers of the Red Flange in a tavern room. He remained to spy on them. We kept it a secret because we didn’t want to upset you.”
Jaax glanced up and smiled ruefully, adding, “If not for your friend’s intuition, we might all be dead.”
Jahrra shivered and fought back another surge of emotion. This news did nothing to ease her feelings, but she was glad Jaax and the others hadn’t told her until now. She might have refused to believe it at the time.
The dragon stood then and moved smoothly across the room, coming to stand just above Jahrra. Every muscle in his body was drawn tight, and the heat radiating off him put her cheerful hearth fire to shame. Jahrra immediately recognized that warmth as barely withheld anger and aggression. But she was not afraid, for she knew it wasn’t aimed at her.
When Jaax drew breath to speak, it was accompanied by a snarl. “If I ever find that vile scrap of vermin, I will roast him alive.”
Jahrra stood, wobbling a little on her still-injured leg, and crossed her arms. She cast Jaax a stony look and proclaimed, “You will do no such thing. I get to be the one to bring about his undoing. You can barbecue him after I run him through with my sword.”
Jaax’s tension suddenly fled, and his scaly brows shot up in surprise. Then he laughed, giving Jahrra no choice but to join him. Finally, the film of ice which seemed to coat everything in the room melted away.
Eventually, Jaax managed to gain control of his composure.
“Well,” he said, his tone sobered, “I am glad I dropped by. We have not been on the best of terms lately, and I’ve been eager to make amends. Contrary to what you might believe, I do not like it when you are angry with me.”
Jahrra blinked at him, not expecting such a statement from her broody guardian. Jaax was a proud dragon, strong and fearless. He walked about the earth as if he were born a king, balking before no one and stirring fear and respect in those who challenged him. To have him admit he cared what she felt and thought about him meant a lot to her.
Jahrra had no idea what prompted her to say what she did next. Maybe it was the lingering hint of guilt in her heart, urging her to make another confession, or perhaps it was the influence of that inner voice which had spoken to her only moments before. Either way, she took a breath and blurted, “Do you know why I hated you so much when I was younger?”
The unchecked astonishment on the Tanaan dragon’s face matched the way she felt. What on Ethoes had possessed her to bring up such an old grievance?
“No,” the dragon answered carefully, his voice flat, “I do not.”
Jahrra took a steadying breath, realizing she could not make such a declaration without following through.
“I blamed you for the deaths of my parents,” she said reluctantly, looking up at Jaax as the old memories tore through her mind, bringing long-healed sorrows to the surface. “I had convinced myself you were to blame. I had built you up in my mind as a hero, and you let me down. You failed me.”
For a very long time, Jaax made no reply, and Jahrra began to wonder if she had just completely destroyed their newly mended relationship. Wonderful. Her guardian had made the effort to seek her out and apologize for his standoffish demeanor of late, to see if she was recovering from Keiron’s betrayal, and she had ripped the flag of truce from him and burned it on a pyre.
Finally, the Tanaan dragon spoke, his calm voice grating against her nerves. “But, I did fail you, Jahrra.”
Jahrra shook her head. “No. You didn’t. You did more than anyone else could. I should have seen that. My parents were just not strong enough. But, I was so fixated on the idea that you didn’t get there on time to notice the obvious.”
She took a shaking breath and turned her eyes onto the dragon once more. He was watching her carefully, the light in his eyes darker, more serious. But, to her relief, not angry.
“Nothing could have saved them,” Jahrra said, almost more to herself than to Jaax. She had known this for so long, but that knowledge felt different now. “Or Hroombra,” she added, her voice catching a little. She’d mourned her parents, and she’d mourned Hroombra, her old Korli guardian. Yet, every now and then, the memories welled back up, as fresh and devastating as the day they happened.
“You were only a child, Jahrra,” Jaax murmured. “And Hroombra left us not too long ago.”
“Yes, I know,” Jahrra rasped.
Somehow, a conversation Jaax had initiated to fill the small void between them had led to this, a revisit to the past with all its painful memories. But that was just it. Although she was a grown woman now, able to take care of herself, she still needed what she had lost so long ago.
Jahrra drew in a long, shuddering breath and continued, “Sometimes, I feel just like her, my eight year old self. Afraid and alone. But, I can’t afford to be that way now. I have to be strong for those who are counting on me to make this world right again. I have to be brave for the friends I left behind in Oescienne and Lidien.”
“Jahrra,” Jaax said, his voice strong with conviction, “you are not alone, and you never will be. I promise you that. And, you have every right to be afraid. I fear what we have to face as well.”
Jahrra dried her eyes with her sleeve and gave him a disbelieving look. “You? Afraid?”
Jaax nodded. “I am.”
“Of what?”
“I can only imagine I fear the same things you do. Death, enslavement, pain, loss. Just because I breathe fire and have scales, and just because I display an overly confident countenance, does not mean my heart doesn’t grieve just as fiercely as yours or anybody else’s.”
Jaax gave her one of his arrogant smiles, and Jahrra suddenly felt better. The ache in her heart lessened, and she sniffled away her tears, feeling more than a bit chagrined. Honestly, losing control of her emotions in front of Jaax of all people. But, when she glanced back up at him, his smile still in place, she could tell by the look in his eyes that he meant what he’d said.
You are not alone, Jahrra, her inner voice said. You have Jaax, and he has you. Together, you will overcome your fears and find the courage you need to face what is to come.
“Now,” Jaax said after some time, “enough with reflecting on the past and dwelling on dismal thoughts. A change of subject is in order, don’t you agree?”
“Yes,” Jahrra breathed, still feeling a little embarrassed at losing control of her emotions.