"Because you stoked the oven too hot!"
"I'm not made for cooking," he says, smiling. "I'm made for soldiering."
I gasp. "And you think I'm made for cooking-"
But he's laughing and keeps laughing even when I throw a handful of wet feathers at him, smacking him straight on the eye. "Ow," he says, wiping it away. "You got some aim, Viola. We really need to get a gun in your hands."
I turn my face quickly back down to the millionth fowl in my lap.
"Or maybe not," he says, more quietly. "Have you-?" I stop. "Have I what?"
I lick my lips, which is a mistake because then I have to spit out a mouthful of feathery puffs, so when I do finally say it, it comes out more exasperated than I meant. "Have you ever shot someone?"
"No." He sits up straighter. "Have you?"
I shake my head and see him relax, which makes me immediately say, "But I've been shot."
He sits back up. "No way!"
I say it before I mean to, before I even know it's coming, and then I'm saying it and I realize I've never said it, not out loud, not to myself, not ever, not since it happened, and yet here it is, tumbling out in a room full of floating feathers.
"And I've stabbed someone." I stop plucking. "To death."
My body feels suddenly twice as heavy in the silence that follows.
When I start to cry, Lee just hands me a kitchen towel and lets me, not crowding me or saying anything stupid or even asking about it, though he must be dying of curiosity. He just lets me cry.
Which is exactly right.
"Yes, but we're gaining sympathy," Lee says near the end of dinner with Wilf and Jane. I'm putting off finishing because as soon as I do, we have go back to the kitchens to start preparing the yeasts to cook tomorrow's bread. You wouldn't believe how much bloody bread a hundred people can eat.
I take half of my last bite. "I'm just saying there aren't very many of you."
"Of us," Lee says, looking at me seriously. "And we've got spies working throughout the city and people join us when they can. Things are only getting worse there. They're rationing food now and no one's getting the cure anymore. They're going to have to start turning against him."
"And so many in prisons," Jane adds. "Hundreds of women, all locked up, all chained together underground, starving and dying by the dozen."
"Wife!" Wilf snaps.
"Ah'm only sayin what Ah heard!"
"Yoo din't hear nothin of the sort."
Jane looks sullen. "Don't mean it's not true."
"There are a lot of people who'd support us in prison, though," Lee says. "And so that might turn out-"
He stops.
"What?" I ask, looking up. "Turn out what?" He doesn't answer me, just looks over to another table where Mistress Coyle is sitting with Mistresses Braithwaite, Forth, Waggoner, Barker, and Thea, too, like they always do, discussing things, whispering in low voices, devising secret orders for other people to carry out.
"Nothing," Lee says, seeing Mistress Coyle stand and come toward us.
"I'm going to need the cart hitched up for tonight, Wilf, please," she says, approaching our table.
"Yes, Mistress," he says, getting to his feet.
"Eat a little longer," she says, stopping him. "This isn't forced labor."
"Ah'm happy to do it," Wilf says, brushing off his trousers and leaving us.
"Who are you blowing up tonight?" I ask.
Mistress Coyle pulls her lips tight. "I think that's enough for now, Viola."
"I want to come," I say. "If you're going back into the city tonight, I want to come with you."
"Patience, my girl," she says. "You'll have your day."
"Which day?" I ask as she walks off. "When?"
"Patience," she says again.
But she says it impatiently.
It gets dark earlier and earlier every day. I sit outside on a pile of rocks as night falls, watching tonight's mission - takers head on out to the carts, their bags packed with secret things. Some of the men have Noise now, taking reduced amounts of cure from our own dwindling supply stashed in the cave. They take enough to blend in with the city but not enough to give anything away. It's a tricky balance, and it's getting more and more dangerous for our men to be on city streets, but still they go.
And as the people of New Prentisstown sleep tonight, they'll be stolen from and bombed, all in the name of what's right.
"Hey," Lee says, hardly more than a shadow in the twilight as he sits down next to me. "Hey," I say back. "You okay?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Yeah." He picks up a stone and tosses it into the night. "Why wouldn't you be?"
Stars start to appear in the sky. My ships are up there somewhere. People who might've been able to help us, no, who would have helped us if I could've contacted them. Simone Watkin and Bradley Tench, good people, smart people who would have stopped all this stupidity and the explosions and-
I feel my throat clench again.
"You really killed someone," Lee says, tossing another stone.
"Yeah," I say, pulling my knees up to my chest.
Lee waits a moment. "With Todd?"
"For Todd," I say. "To save him. To save us."
Now that the sun's gone, the real cold moves in swiftly. I hold my knees tighter.
"She's afraid of you, you know," he says. "Mistress Coyle. She thinks you're powerful."
I look over at him, trying to see him in the dark. "That's stupid."
"I heard her say it to Mistress Braithwaite. Said you could lead whole armies if you put your mind to it."
I shake my head but of course he can't see. "She doesn't even know me."
"Yeah, but she's smart."
"And everyone here follows her like little lambs."
"Everyone but you." He bumps me with his shoulder in a friendly way. "Maybe that's what she's talking about."
We start to hear the low rumble from the caves that means the bats are readying themselves.
"Why are you here?" I ask. "Why do you follow her?"
I've asked before but he's always changed the subject.
But maybe tonight's different. It sure feels different.
"My father died in the Spackle War," he says.
"Lots of fathers did," I say and I think of Corinne, wondering where she is, wondering if-
"I don't really remember him," Lee's saying. "It was just me and my mother and my older sister growing up, really. And my sister"-he laughs-"you'd like her. All mouth and fire and we had some fights you wouldn't believe."
He laughs again but more quietly. "When the army came, Siobhan wanted to fight but Mum didn't. I wanted to fight, too, but Siobhan and Mum really went at it, Siobhan ready to take up arms and Mum practically having to bar the door to keep her from running out into the streets when the army came marching in."
The rumbling is getting louder and the bats' Noise starts to echo through the cave opening. Fly, fly, they say. Away, away.
"And then it was out of our hands, wasn't it?" he says.
"The army was here and that night they took all the women away to the houses east of town. Mum said to cooperate, you know, 'just for now, just to see where it goes, maybe he's not all that bad.' That sort of thing."
I don't respond and I'm glad it's dark so he can't see my face.
"But Siobhan wasn't going to go without a fight, was she? She shouted and screamed at the soldiers and refused to go along and Mum's just begging for her to stop, to not make them angry, but Siobhan-" He stops and makes a clicking sound with his tongue. "Siobhan punched the first soldier who tried to move her by force."