The woman with the cat glasses glanced up.
"Well, we don't have a broom for you here, but we welcome your style of worship. And let us not forget the suffering of poor McKenzie Rayfield as she endures this very fraught time. Mr. Burke, you know her a bit. Maybe you have a few words you'd like to share with us?"
"Excuse me?" I said.
"Got your attention now, haven't I? Nice to have you at the meeting."
"Thanks. I wasn't sure if I…"
"Oh, I made sure you didn't know about it. But you're here anyway, aren't you?"
The whole room stared, and it occurred to me that my mishap with the Rayfield girl must have been the gossip item of the year. This had all come together quite nicely, I realized, the Teitelbaum celebration, the announcement of McKenzie's father's collapse. Next would come my crucifixion. But I wasn't dying for anybody else's sins, just mine. I'd get my due, my due diligence.
"Yes," I said. "I guess I am here."
"You guess?" said Cooley. "No, I would say you are definitely here. Do you know why you are here, even though you were purposely excluded from this meeting? Would you like me to tell you why you happen to be here even though you weren't invited?"
"Yes," I said.
"The reason is quite simple, my friend."
"It is?"
"Yes, it is. The reason you are here is that you, Milo Burke, are a fucking development gladiator."
"I am?"
"You say nuts to defeat. You laugh at the grave."
"I do?"
Cooley glanced over at Vargina, who nodded, swiveled toward me.
"Milo," she said. "Maybe you've thought about what happened with McKenzie. Because she is so talented and ambitious, it was hard to remember she is really just a kid, still growing in certain emotional areas, but maybe now you've concluded that despite all of that there was no excuse for the way you spoke to her. And maybe it's even been a kind of watershed for you, a blessing in disguise. Perhaps it's forced you to confront some demons of your own, and now you feel more complete and healthy and happy. You no longer harbor the negativity that was affecting your performance and your general well-being. If you could just find a way to make it up to McKenzie, and you are eager to work with the rest of us to find such a way, maybe the whole ordeal, unpleasant as it was, could be put to rest."
I clasped my hands on the table.
"Milo?"
I heard the click of a salad lid, the scrape of a soda can.
"I couldn't have said it better," I said. "Thank you, Vargina."
The room broke into applause again. Horace patted me on the back.
"Pathetic," he whispered.
"Outstanding," said Dean Cooley. "Give that man a potato chip."
Sean slid another chip from his bag, sent it down. I held it aloft, near my chest.
"First off I'd like to thank my agent!"
Even Llewellyn laughed, or maybe only Llewellyn laughed.
"Listen up," said Dean Cooley. "To cap off this wonderful moment for Mr. Burke, I have one more announcement. We've been a bit worried, to be truthful, because of the lack of updates we've been getting from Milo on his special project, but I guess there was a good reason for the radio silence. Seems Mr. Burke is to your average development officer what a recon marine is to your typical jarhead. He's the cream of the crop, and best left alone to gather his own intel, set his own traps, and take down the enemy like a freaking phantom ninja born straight out of Satan's blazing quim. Sorry, Martha."
"For what?"
"Good girl. Anyway, it's my great pleasure to inform all of you that next year we will break ground for the Walter Stuart Memorial Arts Pavilion, right here on our main campus, which will house facilities for all branches of the visual arts, but with special attention to the construction of naturally lit studios for our painters and a brand-new bronze-casting facility. Burke, looks like even Stonewall Jackson here could learn something from you. Now I hope your spirits are buoyed by all this news. Given the economic situation, most of you will be fired soon, but I want us all to be proud of what's going on around here. Okay, have a great day."
The applause started up again. The potato chip crumbled in my hand.
Back at my workstation I clutched the edge of my desk. It wasn't the terrible feeling, the Maxim gun shudders. It was more what coursed through me the night of the burglary on Staley Street, actions of cost taken all around, me in a frozen state, nothing close to floating. A soft hand roamed my shoulder.
"Relieved?" said Vargina's voice.
"I'm not sure what it all means," I said.
"It means you've proved yourself."
"But I never even… did you?"
"Shhh," said Vargina.
"Who handled Purdy's give? He was my ask and the whole deal was in a tailspin. Was it Cooley?"
"Purdy handled the Purdy give. Some things came together. There was a Chinese element involved. A few people did favors for other people. An international student, a young man of means, was instrumental."
"The napper," I said.
"This went up to the provost, the president, the board. It was beyond us really. It just fell together."
"Why am I still here? Purdy?"
"It was a stipulation of Purdy's give, yes. But I backed it up. I told Cooley we needed you."
"You don't need me."
"I know that."
"So, I get to stay?"
I didn't really hear Vargina's answer. I'd tried to stand, crumpled to the carpet. I came to with Vargina leaning over me, her breasts brushing up my chest.
"I'm sorry I undress you with my eyes," I said.
"It's okay, Milo. Just breathe."
"I do a lot worse with my eyes. Am I the only one?"
"Of course not, Milo. You just lack subtlety. But breathe now."
"Subtlety," I said.
"Breathe."
"I never wanted to hurt anyone. I just wanted to slide my dick between your breasts."
"A Sabrett man," said Vargina.
"What?"
"Breathe. You're okay, but we've called for help."
"I'm so sorry," I said.
"I'm not offended, Milo."
"Does that mean you are interested?"
"Not at all. Now keep breathing, baby."
"Because I'm married?"
"Sure, because you're married."
"Because I'm white?"
Vargina laughed.
"I'm not very likable, am I?"
"You're likable enough," said Vargina.
"No, I mean, if I were the protagonist of a book or a movie, it would be hard to like me, to identify with me, right?"
"I would never read a book like that, Milo. I can't think of anyone who would. There's no reason for it."
"Oh."
"Hey, here come some friends. Look. Here they come. Look at them. Like angels."
They looked more like muscular men in blue shirts. They laid a large kit next to my head, dug through it.
"What happened?"
"Well," I heard Horace say. "He figured out the world wasn't all about him and he fainted."
"Seen it before," said the other.
"By the way," said Horace. "You guys make pretty good money, right?"
"It's not great."
"What's the training process? I mean, like, if I did CPR in swim class, do I get to skip ahead?"