Lisa slowly walked down the aisles filled with shoppers and was struck by an extraordinary exhibition of trinkets, jewelry, clothing, and stationery. Each new counter presented a dazzling and tempting sight. She tried to resist the alluring power of each and every precious trinket, but she could not allow herself to go anywhere else. All she needed was there, all she wanted to have. Alluring shoes, stockings, fine-pleated skirts, lace, ribbons, combs—every piece inspired the desire to possess it, and Lisa with particular acuteness realized that she did not have enough for any of them. As with every woman, Lisa was attracted to girlish and beautiful things.
Lisa felt nervous, a too-impressionable girl suddenly thrown into the cold, calculating world devoid of poetry.
Lisa felt an irresistible attraction to all the new and beautiful pieces of ladies' clothing and with an aching heart, watching well-dressed ladies squeezed forward, not paying her any attention. Lisa‘sr eyes devoured everything they saw on the shelves. She was not so far off status-wise from the boutique salespersons. However, when she compared heself to them, Lisafelt pathetic. Most of them were beautiful, independent, and indifferent, which gave a special piquancy to the most interesting of them. They were dressed elegantly, and when they looked at Lisa, she was convinced that they were condemning her shortcomings. Envy ate at her heart. Lisa began to understand how much temptation was present in a big city: the richness, elegance,and comfort. Lisa was painfully drawn to fancy dresses and beautiful things.
She bought herself a chocolate bar for one dollar, which she found in her savings and went to do window shopping, looking at beautiful dresses and smelling the perfume and pastry and forgetting about the dreadful reality she was trapped into. Lisa did not want to spend her money on cheap food, she saved every cent for her dream trip.
A day later, her host family came back. The first question the host mother asked was: "Where's the muffin? Did you eat it? I wanted Ben to take it to kindergarten. "
Lisa wondered if the only thing that had worried her host family during their vacation was the single muffin. In addition, the three-day-old muffin would be too dried-out to eat.
The host father wanted to protect Lisa and said, "She's got to eat something, Angelica."
"Yes, but before she eats anything in my house, she needs to ask us."
The host parents discussed this so loudly that Lisa did not dare defend herself.
Sometimes she thought that because they worked as managers, they could only think about numbers. How many cents does a muffin cost? How many dollars does a dinner cost? How much do they save a month having a naive Lisa and not a normal maid or a babysitter? Thankfully, Lisa didn’t eat much. She always had a slim figure and liked her appearance, but she was only a human being who could not survive only on air and love for the child.
The family kindly took care of her body, telling her, "Meat is unhealthy. Do not think about eating meat."
As Lisa already understood that there was no perfect host family, and she already had a contract, she just stayed, accepted the dreadful reality and her naivity, and suffered quietly.
Silence and work—these things were expected of an au pair.
The internet became an escape from her dreadful reality. Lisa continued answering emails. She didn’t feel lonely anymore. Writing emails to her friend, another au pair, created an illusion of not being alone in a foreign country. The internet became a window, allowing her to escape from the dreadful reality of being a poor au pair.
The only thing she wanted was to improve her language skills, or speak with a native speaker. Her host family did not help her in improving her language skills at all as they only demanded things,humiliated, and lectured poor Lisa.
Each day, Lisa rushed to her computer after workand breathlessly opened her email. That was her way to escape the reality.
28
April came. It was a clear and meek April. Every day, the bright sky was blue, the sun's rays were warming, and the soft and gentle breezes were blowing. The trees began to blossom everywhere. The city turned green. The tall poplars and oaks revived and put on the mantle of majestic green bushes. In the forest covered with leaves, countless species of moss velvet tightened every hole, and the golden rays of the sun lit the ground. All this Lisa enjoyed often and long and almost always alone—this unexpected opportunity to enjoy freedom and loneliness at the same time.
Lisa paced up and down her room. She was hindered only by regrets, trying to figure out how to compensate for it. But when she woke from these thoughts, she discovered something else. In these hours of reflection, she had undergone profound changes. Now that she was alone with them, she was once again aware of old feelings. It left her with no peace of mind. Over the months, her world had been limited to the walls of this glass villa. She knew nothing except for its rules and customs. Lisa remembered that the world was immense to those who dared to enter its space, to seek true knowledge among the hazards of life. It opened a wide field for hopes, fears, joys and worries.
The next day Lisa woke up in her room and opened her window. The day was sunny and spring-like,and she was tempted togo out and breathe the spring cityair.
She cleaned her room and wiped the windows. Sheput her books on the windowsill.
It was a normal day. That day she ate cereal for breakfast, and carefully ate a slice of apple, which she lovingly cut into small pieces. She then took Ben to kindergarten and now she had a few hours of freedom, which she used to spend studying the difficult foreign language. Lisa sat in the library with her little laptop, doing some grammar exercises, and then she started emailing her old university friends, telling them about her life and asking about life in a quiet town.
For lunch, Lisa ate a piece of bread. It was all she could find in the refrigerator. The clock was already approaching the time she had to go and pick up little Ben. She got onto her bike and rode to his kindergarten.
"Ben, we need to go to the supermarket before we head home. I need to buy something for dinner." She announced. He agreed, hoping onto his tricycle. They headed towards the supermarket, but Ben was racing too far ahead.
"Ben, don't ride so fast!" she called to him. He slowed down, but it wasn't by much. She had to peddle faster to keep him in sight. When they reached the supermarket, he hopped off his bike and ran to a gaming machine. There was only one machine free. Lisa figured these machines were installed so that parents didn't have to bring their children into the market. Instead, the children could loiter in the entrance. It saved parents from a constant "buy me this" call and temper tantrums from the children.
Lisa wanted to cook pies for dinner. Not for herself, of course, but for her host family, as they sometimes allowed her to cook for them. She wanted to make them out of a puff pastry and fill them with vegetables and cheese. She went through the supermarket, leaving Ben at the gaming machine. After she collected the ingredients and paid, she picked Ben up. They got back on their bicycles and rode home.