"Yes, you are welcome to take a vacation," the agency worker assured her.
Now, six weeks later, she asked Marc if she could take that vacation. He and Angelica were upset to hear that she wanted to travel. They tried to talk her out of her plans.
"You can work here for the last month, then travel."
Lisa shook her head. "I have so little time. I want to travel and see Paris."
Both Angelica and Marc laughed at this. They never believed it was possible for a poor little au pair to get to travel and see any of the world. Lisa was going to prove them wrong. She was going to Paris.
"Okay," they dismissed in an attempt to end the conversation.
Finally, Lisa felt the courage to stand up for herself. After everything she had been through in the last year, she was done."I called my agency," she announced. Both Angelica and Marc exchanged a look, then looked at Lisa.
"Why?" they asked.
Lisa could tell they were suddenly concerned."As a working person, I have every right to take this vacation. It is in my contract. I am allowed," she explained.
The conversation ended there.
Lisa knew that the host family wasn't excited about this. But, she also knew that she had considered other people for far too long. This entire year, she put everyone else above herself. Now, it was time to put herself first.
The next day was as usual. She did her chores and brought Ben to kindergarten. Then, she went for a walk in the afternoon. When she got back to the house, the host father was sitting on the bed in her room. She didn't know how to react, at first, taken aback by his presence. Then, she noticed her suitcase was open, being on the bed beside him. She didn't have the chance to ask what he was doing.
“Lisa, you have an hour to pack your belongings,” he shouted, standing up.
Lisa stood, dumbfounded in the doorway. She had no idea what to reply to that. She knew that an hour wasn't enough time to pack everything she had collected over the last year. She thought about staying silent and just ignoring the invasion of her privacy. Her frustration became too much to bare.
“I'll help you!” he shouted.
Lisa thought that her host father must have been furious.
She started grabbing her things. She didn't want to upset him any more than he already was. He started grabbing her personal things. He touched her underwear, and threw her bras towards the bed. He grabbed her tampons and threw them into Lisa's suitcase. Lisa did not want him to see everything. She was trying to fold her clothes, and neatly pack them in.
“Move faster,”Marc demanded, still tossing things towards her. She felt flustered, starting to inventory her belongings in her head. She started grabbing only what was most important to her. She decided to keep only what would fit in that one suitcase. She quickly shoved everything inside, zipping the suitcase closed. The host father pulled it out from her hand, and tossed it towards the door.
“We want you to move out. You were a bad au pair. You didn't even vacuum our villa over the weekend,” the host father lectured Lisa. She had already realized she was being kicked out.
"Where am I supposed to sleep?" she asked, still frustrated. She was almost at the point of tears.
"You have enough friends.“ He shook his head, motioning her out the door. He hurried her down the hallway towards the front door.
"Where would you like me to take you?" he asked.
"Please take me to the main station." She replied.
"Perfect," he agreed. She finished packing her things and followed Marc to the car. After a short drive, he stopped outside the main station. He motioned for her to get out of the car.
“You have 1,457 dollars saved. I hope you are rich enough as you have saved 1,457 dollars,” he answered. She couldn't believe he knew how much money she saved. That meant he had been rummaging through her personal belongings while she was gone. She felt humiliated. She pulled down the black sunglasses she had sitting on the top of her head. She wanted to hide her eyes, which were starting to tear up.
“Why did you take me in as an au pair? Why did you take an au pair ad, lie me that you wanted a family member, while you only humiliated me?” Lisa finally let out the frustration that had accumulated in her for months.
“Don't be so ridiculous,” he argued.
She shook her head, repeating.“Where am I supposed to go?”
“ You've got enough friends, haven’t you??” he asked in return.
She grabbed her suitcase, and left.
"And do I get my holiday allowance, as agreed on in my contract?" she reminded him.
Marc shook his head again. He practically pushed her and her luggage out of the car. Lisa grabbed her luggage before it fell onto the ground.
"No. You always had free time on the weekend," he yelled. Lisa knew there was nothing she could do as she watched Marc pull away.
She was left, alone with her luggage, at the station. So Lisa stood with a little money, a return ticket, a ticket there, and two weeks for her vacation. He tossed her suitcase out after her, slamming the door in her face. She picked her suitcase up. She looked around and found a payphone. She dragged it over to the phone booth. She had to rummage through her poorly packed luggage to find the money she had saved. She put the required amount into the phone, and called one of the only friends she had made. She called one of the friends she had, who was also an au pair for another family. In tears, she explained what had happened. She told her all about what happened, and asked if she could stay there for a little while.
"Lisa, you can move here, with us. My host family will let you stay here. Then, we will go and see Paris together." Her friend, Lena, suggested.
"Is your host family nice?" Lisa asked.
"Sure. They are very nice," Lena assured.
Lisa dragged her suitcase over to the ticket booth, and bought a ticket to where her friend lived.
It was her last moments there.
Lisa shivered—out of despair, or of self-loathing.
Lisa, who before was passionate and full of hope, was again a cold, lonely girl whose life was stripped of paint, and the future promised unhappiness. All her hopes for love were lost, destroyed. She looked at her dreams which yesterday were shining and wonderful—now they had become a stiff, cold blue that would never be resurrected.
Lisa could not help herself. She was thinking about her pain. She was not comforted with even self-esteem. She was offended,hurt,left. She hated herself. Still she could not turn, could not take a single step back.
“It must have been where the Lord led me.” As far as her will and conscience went, something crazy broke one and silenced the other. She choked with sobs, following her lonely way—faster, faster, as if in a fever. Weakness came and pinned her legs, then her whole body, and she fell. A few minutes later, she was lying on the ground, burying her face in the wet grass. She feared—or hoped?—she would die there. But she soon got up and crawled forward on all fours and then rose to her feet, full of the same determination, the same impatience to get to the road.