After breakfast, riding a bicycle in the direction of the village, she made a stop in the park.
Lisa quickly ran through the meadows, the stiles, and between hedges until the sun rose above the horizon. Her shoes were damp with dew. But she did not notice the rising sun, nor the smiling sky, nor the awakening of nature. Lisa didn‘t notice the beautiful park, or the flowers smiling at her. She was thinking of a block and sharpened ax and of the dissection of veins and bones and of the grave gaping at the end. Lisa thought of the dreary flight, wandering, homelessness, and her broken hopes. Once, when she had come home late, the Nataly had asked her, “Where have you been?”
Lisa was silent.
“You are not supposed to be late. You are our slave, our property,” the children shouted at her.
One night, Lisa went on Skype and spoke with her best friend back home. She told her friend what had been going on in the house while she was there. She spoke of the nightmare her contract had turned into. Finally, her best friend asked her:
"What are you doing with your life, Lisa?"
"What am I doing?" Lisa repeated, unsure of the question.
"You're wasting your life in that house, with that family."
"How am I wasting my life? I like it here." Lisa argued. She was met with a chuckle.
"I have a contract, though. There is nothing I can do." Lisa wanted to defend her decision to stay, but there was no need. She didn't have the choice to leave or she would.
"You're not a slave, Lisa! You do not have to be trapped with the kids there. If you have a contract, then you have to put all your overtime in the bill. Who works for so little money with four children?" Her friend begun to raise her voice. "What do you see besides these walls and spoiled children?"
Lisa looked around at the basement she was in. "I got out sometimes, into the village. It's lovely."
Her friend chuckled. "Lisa, you need to get out of that house. Or at least start earning the amount of money you deserve. If you're working over the time in your contract, then you need to speak up. Who works for such a little amount of money with so many children?"
"The host family is nice and I like playing with the children. Playing with children is not real work." Lisa said.
" Games, cooking—that’s not working? They are using you. You just don't see it. Do you know what the average babysitter costs? It's much more than what they pay you. Do you know what a babysitter costs, one who is taking care of four children? Can you not see that you are absolutely dependent on these strangers? They decide what are you doing today, what and if you are eating and when you can have a free hour!" Her friend continued.
This opened Lisa's eyes. She had never considered any of this before. Suddenly, she felt painfully aware of the past weeks of her life. She was a slave. She was being used by this family. She was being taken advantage of. Her friend was right. She was also dependant on them.
"How many hours are in your contract?" Her friend asked.
"20 hours a week." Lisa answered. Her friend nodded
"You've already spent that 20 hours in a single day." She pointed out. Lisa nodded.
"Do you really want to spend a year of your life here? Are you crazy?" Lisa didn't know how to respond. "What else would I do?"
"Go out and meet people. Go to parties and make new friends. Go find a job and work for a normal salary. Study and travel and enjoy your life. Freedom is the most important thing you have," Her friend continued, but Lisa stayed quiet.
"Lisa, this family didn't buy you in some catalog. You're not a possession. You're a human being. Your contract says you should only work with the children for 5 hours in a day. So, don't let them push you around and force you to do more than you agreed to."
Lisa got off the computer shortly after, by request of the host parents. She spent the whole night thinking about this conversation. She replayed it in her head as she tossed and turned in bed. She was nothing more than a toy to these children. She felt silly for giving up the life she had to come and be a slave to this spoiled and ungrateful family.
But Lisa was too insecure, naïve, and patient to fight for her freedom.
One evening lying in bed, Lisa started to cry. How depressed her soul was on this rainy evening. How thrilled she was by the thoughts in her rebel heart. She was too insecure, naive, and patient to fight for her freedom. Why should she suffer so much in this host family? She absolutely did not fit into this wealthy host family. As a poor au pair, she had nothing in common with rich kids and their host parents. She would never be treated as a family member, but only the hired help. She was an eyesore to them,foreign and their opposite by nature and aspirations.
After five hours of playing with the baby, Lisa was again fed. She received a small mug of coffee and a slice of brown bread. She greedily swallowed the bread and coffee, but her hunger was not at all appeased. There followed a half-hour rest, and then Lisa’s work continued again. Then she was given a glass of water with noodles, and then it was bedtime.
As Lisa had left behind a comfortable family, home, and affectionate parents and friends, she felt the separation acutely. The wind of sadness was in her heart, and the chaotic noise confused her peace of mind. Lisa became feverish, wanting to howl even louder than the wind. The twilightsoon turned into thick darkness, and she wanted to mess around in defiance.
19
The hours Lisa spent the morning and afternoon in the bare, fashionable mansion were not pleasant, quiet, happy. She was despondent. She felt like such a fool, humiliated. She was oppressed by her ignorance, poverty, brutality—everything she saw and heard around her. But she didn’t want to feed her hatred and contempt for these feelings. She knew that they were bad, and that was a big step forward. She would try to overcome them. Tomorrow, she hoped she could partly prevail over them, and after a few weeks, perhaps they would be quite subdued. And after two or three months the joy with which she would be watching the successes of her host kids, a change for the better in them, would probably give her peace of mind, and the disgust that she felt today would be completely forgotten.
All the tyrannical bullying, the haughty indifference of children, the disgust, all stirred up in her disturbed mind. Lisa thought, „Why am I always doomed to suffering and humiliation, always guilty, always punished? Why are they always unhappy with me? Why are any attempts to please somebody useless? I'm afraid though in anything sinned, I am trying to conscientiously fulfill all their obligations, and they call me bad, in the morning until noon, and from noon till night.“
Lisa wanted a free, independentlife as an elder sister, but she felt like a prisoner. She had neither privacy nor free time. They had no interest in her,and Lisa felt like an outsider. Although it was intended to be a cultural exchange programme, Lisa felt that she had been lied to.
The contract that Lisa had signed was for one entire year as an au pair. There were many parts of the contract that the host family was not meeting. At the same time, Lisa knew that her au pair agency was powerful. Lisa was unable to quit her position or she would have to face a large fine, one she would not be able to afford. She had no way out of the contract she had signed. She could not tell her parents how unhappy she actually was. She hadn’t fulfilled her wish of travelling yet. There was no way back.