By throwing out those boundaries, Carolina knew perfectly well what she’d done.
She wasn’t asking to be safe. Not anymore. Not from him.
Just take a breath, Carolina told herself. So she was terrified. Nothing new about that. She was a born wuss, for Pete’s sake.
Maguire had taught her to dive off the deep end and not look back. And she’d been trying hard to live that way. Running some risks, making some changes, standing up. But Maguire wasn’t here.
And her old wuss personality flaw had shown up big-time for this meeting.
She didn’t belong here. The conference room was upstairs, located in the Department of Education, in downtown Indianapolis.
Naturally, she’d gotten lost just trying to find the place. The streets all had state names, like Vermont and New York and Washington. Only, she’d been looking for Ohio.
Being here was partly her own fault, she had to admit. She’d initiated the call to the State Board of Education. But after that, fate or kismet or coincidence or something had just kicked in on her. She managed to reach the state superintendent just by luck. By chance, the superintendent had a special ed child and could especially relate to Carolina. And it was pure luck that there was a conference scheduled on Dynamic New Ideas for Special Ed Children that week.
Carolina had just planned to dip a toe in, put out a few feelers. She never expected to be thrown off the deep end-which was what she called having to stand up in front of a microphone after lunch.
“I just met this young woman a few days ago,” the superintendent said as he introduced her. “This is exactly what we’ve been talking about-finding someone to spearhead new directions in our special education program. We need someone to harness all the varied opinions from teachers, parents, administrators and doctors. To establish goals we all share, goals that are achievable, goals we can sink our teeth into. Carolina. Take it away!”
She didn’t want to “take it away.” She wanted to curl up on a couch and disappear under a blanket. That not being an option, she strode to the podium in her red shoes and just…started.
The terror didn’t leave her. But once she got going, her enthusiasm for the subject eased the public-speaking fears. People in the audience started nodding. She clearly wasn’t the only one who had these ideas, who wanted to see change.
“We all know there’s a disconnect between the people who spend time every day with special ed children-parents and teachers-and the people who have considerable power over their lives and choices. Doctors. Insurance people. Administrators. Teachers and parents are in a far better position to evaluate a child’s potential than someone who only sees these kids for minutes at a time. We need the medical and health expertise-but we need a symposium where we can exchange information, about how things really are with these children. From new techniques to curriculum changes, we could do so much more…”
Heaven knew where all that passion came from, when she’d always been far more of a backseat driver than an instigator. Maybe it was Maguire’s influence, who’d put the concept in her head that you have the right to love how you live.
He’d made her believe it somehow-that she could do anything. Even the things she was afraid of. If she just risked it all and put herself out there.
And as if her heart could do magician’s tricks…suddenly, there he was. Her Maguire. Wearing slacks and a heavy cream-colored sweater, standing at the back of the long conference room. With a dog.
Dogs, of course, were forbidden in the building, but she knew Maguire’s philosophy about that sort of thing. Show him any rule and he’d find an excuse to bend it.
Her voice faltered. Then speeded up. She kept talking, although she wasn’t sure what she said. For darn sure, she had no idea what provoked them all to start applauding. The instant the superintendent stood up, Carolina was free to leave the podium and fly across the room.
“Hey, we didn’t want to interrupt you. We can wait,” Maguire said, but that’s not what he communicated with his eyes.
She searched his face, still not certain why he was here. But then she just grabbed his arm. Outside the conference room, the hallway had occasional passersby. Someone dropped a file; two people ambled past deep in conversation-but it was quiet enough.
He leaned against the wall, looked at her as if all he wanted to do was look. And look. And look. For as long as there were stars.
Because Maguire wasn’t a sentimental man, she warned herself not to hope too much. Maybe she was the one seeing those love stars. She tried to get a grip.
“How are you, my darling?” The croon wasn’t for him, but for the dog. “You remember me, don’t you? I told you we’d find a sucker to take you in, didn’t I?”
“Are you calling me a sucker, Carolina?”
“Not often. Not much. But occasionally.” She straightened, cocked her head. “Like that old song, I think you’re one of those people who need somebody to love. And in the meantime…how on earth do you happen to be here?”
“As we both know, money doesn’t buy everything-but it’ll usually buy any information I want. Instead, I’ve been pretty much combing the universe to find you. I didn’t have any clue that you’d be in Indianapolis, much less in the State Department of Education building.”
“Well, believe me, neither did I. It’s your fault.” She leaned against the wall, too. Inches from his face. Inches from his mouth and eyes and the touch of him.
“My fault?”
“Yeah. I’ve been flunking a few of the lessons you taught me. I admit it. I couldn’t always hold the line. My sister especially got to me. But my brother now, there, I was tough. You’d have been proud. Honest.”
“Maybe I’m already proud, Carolina.”
She wasn’t going to cry, not in a public building. She wasn’t even sure why they were still in the darned building, except that she didn’t want to move an inch. Didn’t want to be separated from that look in his eyes for even a millisecond.
“Sending me the shoe catalog was cruel.”
“You sent me a dog, and you call me cruel? But I loved watching you and the shoe thing. It kept coming to me. When you love, you love, Carolina. All or nothing. All the way. Even when it hurts. I was afraid I’d never be able to offer you the same.”
“You’re out of your mind, as usual, Maguire. You have more love in you than any fifty other people.”
“I never thought that. I don’t know how you thought that. Why’d you send the tree-house books?”
“What makes you think I sent them? Did you like the one with the solar-heated shower?”
“Why’d you send them?” he repeated carefully.
She stopped scrubbing the dog’s ears. “Because, Maguire, as cute as you are, you’re not all that bright. You need to love how you live. You have all these places, but you don’t have a home. A place where you feel safe. A place where you can put your feet up and just be yourself. A place where you don’t have to do a single thing but enjoy the sunshine and the moonbeams.”
“Carolina, quit with the silly talk. I need you to get serious.”
She swallowed. “Okay. I’m serious.”
“How are we going to get the dog in the tree house?”
“A sling. I almost sent you a catalog for those, too.”
“All right. So the dog’s solvable. But now comes the serious, critical problem. How am I going to get you in a tree house with me?”
She gulped. “I didn’t know you wanted me in the tree house with you.”
“I do. I want you in my life. Anywhere, anyhow I can get you. It’s about falling that hard in love with you, Carolina. I never planned on it. It wasn’t supposed to happen. Only now it has. And I’m afraid I’m stuck with wanting you, needing you, loving you, for the rest of my life.”