Gloomily, the man said, "I do too, Smitty," and turned the visor off. He knew the Martian didn't lie. He had put him under the eegie while questioning him.
As he left the library, he met Killison coming down the hall. She said nothing about the wreckage in the lab, but set her kit back on the table. He motioned toward the lab and said, "I won't weep and orate about how lonely and bitter I am. You see the external effects of my state. Language can't communicate the internal. You know, Barbara, I should hate you? I've hated my wife for a long time because she deserted me. My loneliness and my sickness drove me back to her tonight to make a plea that 1 knew in my heart was hopeless. I couldn't help it. I didn't want to go to her. Something picked me up by the nape of my neck and carried me there. I should hate you because you remind me of her. I don't. I'm free to reject or accept you for what you are, not for what you seem to be." He came closer as he spoke. When he finished, he put his arms around her and kissed her.
Barbara did not resist, for she wanted to find out how she would like it. Much depended on this, although she was aware that first kisses are often unsatisfactory and that it takes time to realize each other's techniques, quirks, and foibles. He had a nice mouth. Slow at first, even tender, he gradually took fire and suddenly pressed so hard he mashed her mouth. She managed to make him release her.
"A long time," he said, shaking. "A long time."
"I liked it, but I think you should exercise some control. I won't be forced. I can take care of myself."
"Right now you could," he said. "However, if you had studied my psych index, you'd know I'm incapable of violence."
"Your index says so, but there's a part of you that might be quite violent!"
He laughed. "Barbara, I won't waste any words. Will you have me from now on? You know, of course, what that implies."
"How do you know you want to be alone with me for eight years?" she replied. "We would have to stay together, you know, even if we came to hate each other. There would be no one else to go to."
He removed his hands to light a cigarette. When it glowed, he did not touch her again. He seemed to sense she did not, at that particular moment, care for it. Perceiving his delicacy, she warmed inside.
"Look, Barbara, you have been on some outlying asteroid, right? You haven't followed my life too closely. You would be surprised to learn the number of women who offered to share life with me. I carefully checked the psych index of everyone. I was thorough because I haven't much else to do. And I rejected them, lonely as I was."
He smiled at her widening eyes and said, "Sit down. Care for a drink? Brandy and a water chaser? Good! How did I know? It's easy. Yewliss, as you have gathered by now, isn't the only one with access to the Comprob. The Government allows me about anything I want, you know.
"But before I tell you things about yourself you think only you know, I want to make a confession. After I kissed you, I said, `A long time.' You thought that tonight was the first time I'd held a woman in my arms for two years, didn't you? Well, it wasn't." He sipped from his glass, tasted the liquor on his tongue, and then swallowed.
"For a long time the Government has been shipping me women. They take the anti-asp shot, stay overnight, and leave. I've had a hundred. They all had high-sounding motives. They wanted to get the secret from me for the good of mankind, in the interests of peace, but they didn't fool me for a minute. All they were after was the glory, the rewards that would be heaped upon them by the worried populace. "That was until six months ago. Suddenly, I became enraged, disgusted. Those nights left me feeling nothing. Nothing. Or, rather, a deep uneasiness. Maybe that is a moral reaction, who knows? Whatever the definition, it was a definite emptiness. Sex wasn't enough. I had some of Earth's most beautiful and passionate women, and they left me unfulfilled. They just weren't ..."
He looked down at his drink as if he didn't want to face her. "About that time I came to know a Martian. He was one who shared my outstanding feature, the ability to create fear. Not by any evil in him. Just by his presence. We became friends, despite certain difficulties of communication, and soon knew each other as well as might be expected. He is quite a master of the mind. He has a new slant on the psyche, perhaps because he cannot think like a human and so is more objective. I can confide in him as I never could in ... human therapists ... because I don't feel ashamed. He seems so non-personal, although in fact he is quite friendly and has many admirable qualities. So, while we play chess, he rids me of demons that have been riding me. The fact that I went to my wife showed me I wasn't free of her yet. But that act broke the last puppet-string. I'm through with her!"
"You seem a little confused," she said. She was thinking that Yewliss should check on the visor-records to find out who was playing long-distance chess with him. He might pry useful information from him. She continued, "Did you forget your wife because you think now you've found a satisfactory substitute?"
"Barbara, I've not known you long. But I'm sure there's no one like you, and I'm sure you're the real thing." He looked up from his glass. His eyes searched hers. "Barbara, all those women? Will they make any difference in your decision?"
"No. I'm not-as they say in historical novels-pure."
"Yewliss?"
"Yes, and several others."
"What about me?"
"Too short an acquaintance. I know your index, but a man on paper and one in the flesh are two different things. Tell me how you know about me?"
"How do I know you? Easy. After rejecting hundreds of offers, I asked the Comprob to find the woman I would best like. She had to be one who'd be capable of loving me, too. You fit both roles."
"And Yewliss was also asking for a woman whose specifications happened to fit me?"
"Yes. He sent for you before I was disentangled from my wife. I put off contacting you."
"So you insulted me because you were still angry at your wife? You transferred your rage from one Barbara to another?"
"Partly. I was contemptuous, too, because the Old Fox thought he was dealing with a stupid young cock." He took another drink, then said, "Would you mind taking my temperature? I feel hot again. Comes on me suddenly."
She raised her eyebrows and reached for the thermodial. "When did you last eat?"
She was troubled. The amount of pyretigen she detected in his blood should not have been there. It should long ago have oxidized. Possibly, Yewliss had also part some fever-inducer in his liquor, but she doubted that. An excess would be serious. The General, whatever his philosophy of ends and means, did not want to kill Ogtate. The dial rose to 100 and stopped.
He took it from his mouth and said, "It always comes up fast and stays at about 100.8 for an hour. Then it quickly goes back to normal."
"When did you first notice this fever?"
"Three days ago. Right after lunch."
"Why didn't you call a doctor?"
"I felt fine between attacks, and, to be frank, I didn't care whether I lived or died." He touched the back of her hand. "I do now."
She ignored his last remark and said, "Let me think a moment." She lighted a cigarette and gazed at him. He looked bad. His eyes were hot and red, and fatigue subtly crumpled his body-fullness. The possible reactions to the pyretigen were complicated and frightening. And there were the asps, too. A visor-screen wit had called them Anti-Social Perfume, and the initials, with their association of the venemous snake, had stuck. Bill Ogtate was the Asp. If you came near him, you were `bitten'.