The Birthing House

If they hatched. Man, that would be something.

He thought about Jo and the life she carried inside of her now. He tried to feel the same welling of pride, but it wasn't the same. Compared to the delicate Boelen's, adding one more child to the six billion souls ravaging the planet seemed trivial. Or maybe it was a proximity thing. The eggs were here, now, under his watchful eye. Jo was in another state, pulling herself away from him with every passing day.

He hoped that when she came home he would feel that the life within her was his creation, too.

15

By the time Conrad finished their evening walk, he could smell the ozone in the air and the humidity was like a fist of moist cotton balls in his chest. Fat drops fell on his skin, warm as bath-water. Just before he made it home he saw movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to see Gail Grum waving him over.

'One second!' Conrad let the dogs in and darted across the Grums' lawn.

'You made it just in time.' She was laughing when he joined her under the covered porch, where she had established a narrow wicker living room. Gail had to raise her voice above the din of the rain. 'What would you like to drink? I have beer or iced tea.'

'Iced tea. Please.'

When Gail returned with his tea and a Sierra Nevada for herself, another arc of lightning illuminated the gray afternoon haze.

'How's the job hunt?'

'I'm still gainfully unemployed.'

'Oh, goodie. Now that I know you're free you can't say no. Nadia told me how you rescued her from that awful Eddie the other day. Very smooth, Conrad.'

The gist: Gail and Big John were embarking on a road trip through Kentucky and Tennessee. Bourbon distilleries, horseback rides, something involving a canoe. She showed him B&B brochures. The stated purpose was to visit a sister, but Conrad gathered the real motive here was to re-ignite the dying cinders of their middle-aged sex life. One of the stops was named Lovers Last Ranch, for God's sake. Pay Per View, massages, balcony spas . . . yes, Gail had good reason to be excited. She was already out the door, practically vibrating with visions of saddling Big John up for one last ride into the sunset.

'The catch is,' she said, sipping the beer.

The catch was Nadia. She had been 'acting up' all last year. Her freshman 'adventures' at UW Madison had led her down some 'wrong paths' with 'poor choices' in friends and this summer she had 'relapsed' several times.

'Drugs?' Conrad asked, cutting through the quotation marks.

'Not that I know of. But, you know,' Gail frowned, 'Eddie is sort of like a drug, so maybe you could say that.'

'Young love can be that way,' he added, ready to play sage to the hand-wringing parent.

'You know she's pregnant,' Gail said.

'It appears so.'

'Obviously we wouldn't be leaving during this time, but Nadia's very determined to do this all on her own. She insists we go, and John really needs this vacation.'

'Sure, she seems capable.'

Gail finished with her vision of his role for the next ten days, fourteen if they got carried away. Conrad would 'feel free to stay at home', which made sense seeing as how he lived next door, ha ha. But Nadia was not to be trusted with the house. 'One friend at a time . . . no Eddie, no parties, no loud music.' It was to be a strictly pizza and Netflix affair. In addition to keeping one eye on Nadia, Conrad would need to mow the lawn, to water all the plants, check the mail.

'Sure,' he said. 'I need the exercise.'

'Actually, we also need our gutters cleaned. John's worried all this rain's going to start seeping into the basement.'

'I can do that.'

'The important thing is to be present at regular intervals. We'll pay you, of course.'

'I'm home all the time. I wouldn't hear of it.'

Gail touched his arm. 'Just a few hundred dollars. John would insist.'

'Then I won't argue.'

He didn't need the money, of course. But at least he would be assuming some sort of responsibility. Helping the neighbors. Maybe a chance to learn something about the house through Nadia.

Nadia. Pretty little pregnant Nadia.

It depressed him that his new neighbors saw him as closer to their own level of maturity than Nadia's. It suggested he was an adult, which he knew he was, on paper. He just hadn't realized other adults saw him this way, too. He felt too young to be a father, too old to be Nadia's friend.

Stop whining. Have some fun. You're still 'Rad, man!

'I'll be honest, Conrad,' Gail said, the beer having its way with her. 'We like you. And we just don't know anyone else we can trust. Steve and Bailey offered, but if we had someone our age poking around, Nadia would fly off the handle. I think she relates to you. Maybe you can be the cool older brother she never had.'

The older brother. Nice.

'When do you leave?'

'Tomorrow.'

'Whoa - watch out, Kentucky!'

'It's like fate.' Gail leaned in close enough that he could smell the garden and her sweet, beery breath. 'Do you believe in fate, Conrad?'

'I used to believe it was all in my hands. That we made our own choices and there was nothing else.'

Gail nodded. 'And now?'

'I try to keep an open mind.'

Jo again, back on the horn. 'That's great. It's perfect for you, honey.'

'Really? You're not disappointed?'

'Why would I be?'

'I just thought maybe you'd want me to be out looking for a real job. There are sales jobs in Madison, temp work.'

'Is that what you want to do? Sell advertising?'

'No.'

'So our new neighbors offered you some easy work. Maybe it happened for a reason.'

'Like fate?'

'Sure,' she said. So far she hadn't mentioned the pregnancy. He knew they weren't ready to go into it, maybe not until she came home.

'So the job is good? You're confident this is the right thing?'

'What? Oh, it's good. It's fine. It's not really the kind of job I can see myself in for the next five years.' She snorted, implying the ridiculous.

'Sweetie?'

'Yes?'

'Why do I feel like you've made some decision and haven't told me?'

'Like what?'

'Jo.'

'What?'

'You're so "whatever", like you had another brilliant breakthrough. '

She sighed and he heard the bed squeak like she'd just given up and plopped down to dig in for the inevitable.

'I'm not going to turn this into a whole production,' she said.

'I just don't want you coming to some big decision without me. Don't tell me today it's Detroit and tomorrow it's Amsterdam or--'

Somewhere in the room, a door shut. He heard a faint 'Oh, hey, is this a . . . time?' in the background. The voice sounded neutral, possibly male. There was a muffling sound and he heard his wife say, 'Gimme one second.'

'Who's that?' Conrad said.

The phone unmuffled. 'You know what I think, honey? I think you need to remember I'm just not really there right now.'

'No shit, sweetie.'

'And we might as well get it over with. I'm not going to be there for another five weeks.'

Stay cool, boss. 'Heh heh. Yeah. Please tell me that was a joke.'

'There's a lot going on, for both of us. The move, the house, the job, and your father even though you weren't close and I still think you need to see someone about that, but it's your choice, so okay, and there's everything else. And it's too hard to do it all at once.'

'So . . . ?'

'So, I'm saying, we're not going to do it, not now. We're just not.'

Anger, like whiskey in his belly, flaring out.

'Conrad?'

'I'm coming out,' he said.

'What?'

'To see you.'

'Conrad, no.'

'Why the hell not?'