The Birthing House

'After the rest of it. But no more breaks. We don't have much time.'

Nadia was stretched out across the love seat like it was a fainting couch. He hoped the food was a way in, like the money. She'd wolfed down two bowls of sticky rice, with broccoli and thinly sliced filet mignon he'd marinated and grilled for her. He'd eaten one bowl and then gone back to the iced tea. It calmed him to watch her eat.

Feeding her, feeding the baby.

'You really know how to cook,' she said. The dogs huddled around and under her legs. It was what they did when Jo was here and he felt another pang of guilt that this neighbor girl, not their true mistress, was the one keeping them company.

'I'm glad you liked it. There's more if you get hungry again.'

He left the dishes in the kitchen and took a seat on the couch to her right. He was wearing his Sebadoh tee, camo shorts over bare feet. It was too hot for shoes, and he wondered if he looked younger than thirty.

She was wearing holey jeans and a faded green pocket tee shirt, his favorite look on most any girl. Her feet were bare and her toes had been painted iridescent pink, like little pearls. She'd done something home-made to her hair. It was shorter and choppy around the bottom. The bangs were pulled back on the center of her head, leaving the rest of her straight hair hanging squarely around her face. Her pregnancy had moved from a sometime distraction to a sort of Merlin ball that worked the opposite way: he fed by gazing at it, or wishing to gaze into it, to see the future. He looked at the bulge under her shirt and imagined a honeydew melon, a huge scoop of ice cream. Then, like she'd thought of it ten minutes ago and was ready to dump it on him, she told him another story.

'A few times after the time with the dolls, I was attacked in your house.'

'Attacked attacked? How? Where?'

'Upstairs. In the guest room.' She nodded up at the ceiling.

'What happened?'

As before, she looked away as she recounted it.

'I was alone, or just with the children. The Laskis were out at the VFW. I made brownies while they sat in front of the fireplace and played with those block things, those thick Leggos for dummies. I tried. I really did. But every time I got close to them, they would just stare off into outer space. So I pretended to be with them while I was on the phone with Eddie, then I put them to bed at eight like I was supposed to.'

'You knew Eddie back then?'

'I've been friends with Eddie since I can remember.'

'What kind of friends?'

'Eddie's not important now, not in this story.'

'Okay. So you put the kids to bed.'

'I even read them a story.'

'Which one?'

'The Tale of Pigling Bland, I think. One of those little antique books they had that smelled like mold. They didn't fall asleep after I'd read it twice, so finally I just got up and turned off the light and went into the next room to read.'

'What were you reading?'

'Does that matter?'

'I'm a book guy. Just curious.'

'One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich.'

'For school?'

'No.'

'That's a helluva a book for a thirteen-year-old.'

'Not really. The style is very simple. That was part of the point.'

'To capture the voice of the everyman,' he said.

'And to make the story accessible to every man,' she added.

'Jesus. I hadn't even thought of that, and I've read it twice. Did you get that when you were thirteen?'

'I don't know. And, no, it did not give me nightmares, if that's your next question. It wasn't the book.'

'And you're sure no one was here, just the kids?'

'Positive.'

'What time was this?'

'Maybe eight thirty. Does that matter?'

'I don't know.'

'Then shut up and let me finish.'

'Sorry.'

'I think I fell asleep. I mean, I must have, because one minute I was reading and the next minute I was waking up really fast. Like when you have a dream that you're falling and your stomach freaks out and then you wake up right before you hit.'

'I think I had that same dream in this house.'

She rolled her eyes. 'Everybody has that dream. It's like the most common dream you can have, next to flying. I looked it up.'

'Excuse me.' Smarty pants. 'Go on.'

She settled into the memory, zoning out with her hand stroking Alice behind the ears. 'So I'm falling, I wake up, and the room is blurry and kind of dark. I can see shapes in the room with me. There are at least three of them. They're big, like farmers. Big rough women in heavy coats or dresses. All in gray wool or black. They are standing in the corner, watching me. It's the zeks, I thought. From the book. But not like I really thought they had come from the book. It was just a name that popped into my head. I knew these were something else.'

'Zeks,' he said. 'The prisoners in the labor camp.'

'Right. The name just stuck in my head. I can't see their faces because everything is blurry but I can smell some chemicals and it makes me panic like I need to get out of the house and maybe that's why they're here, to get me out. I try to get up from the chair and ask them what's wrong but I can't move. The zeks are moving in a circle, surrounding me. And I guess this is when I realize it's me. Everything that's wrong here is me. I'm the thing they're staring at.

'They start to close in, tightening the circle. It looks like they're holding hands but I can't tell for sure. They seem to float toward me instead of walking. I can't hear or see their feet. I

can't lift my head. The closer they get the more gray they are. Like animal skin beneath the fur. Finally, when they are almost on top of me, I can see their faces but there are no faces. Everything above the shirts is gray. Flat, like smooth stone. I'm so out of it I'm more curious than frightened, but something inside me is saying this is bad and getting worse. My body is trying to . . . my mind is understanding that my body wants to jerk away or get up but it's like my body is thinking of it, not my mind. My mind is just watching.

'When they lean over me and their arms are coming down at me I know they are touching me. I can't feel the arms or hands but they are too close not to be touching me. I'm numb. Then I got scared. Because if they're doing something to me, shouldn't I be able to feel it?'

She paused and looked down at her hands as if wanting to make sure they were still attached to her arms. 'You're not going to believe me with the rest of this.'

'I believe you now. Why wouldn't I believe the rest?'

'The next part is where Eddie stops believing me. Like I'm telling him this for his entertainment or some shit and he gets to choose what parts he likes and what parts are stupid. But he doesn't get to choose. You don't get to choose.'

He nodded. 'I promise.'

'One of the zeks touches my forehead. Her hand is right above my eyes even though I can't move my head to look up. She stands beside me while the other two women are crouched in front of me. All I can see is the room in front of me at about waist level and a little bit above. The tops of the heads are smooth and gray like the rest of their heads and faces. Then they all jump back, because suddenly someone else was there. They all moved back and stood in the corner, like they were afraid of this other one.'

'What other one?'

'I don't know. I couldn't see. He was taller, thinner.'

'It was a man?'

'I don't know. I couldn't see him. He was wearing black like the others and his face was covered, like one of those women in the Middle East. Maybe it was a woman. I don't know - but she was big.'

'Jesus, do you think it was--'

'I don't know!'

'Okay. Calm down.'