She shook her head.
“We gipsies feel these things. It will be like that until…”
“Until what?”
“Until it can be made happy again.”
“It would have to be razed to the ground and another house built there. A new Commonwood.”
“And made into a happy house.”
“It was never a really happy house, Rosie. Mrs. Marline would not let it be.”
“She is dead now,” said Rosie.
“Rest her soul. She made unhappiness in her life and in her death. There was more pity for the poor doctor than for her.”
“I cannot bear to think of him. Even before I knew what had happened to him … all through the years, when I have been so far away, even now and then I would remember.”
“Ah, my child, what happened yesterday can at times decide what will happen today. There are never-to-be-forgotten yesterdays in all our lives. But this is a happy meeting between us. Let us enjoy it. Tell me what has been happening to you.”
So I told her in detail about the trips with Toby, and of Elsie, who had been a surrogate mother to me; how Elsie was, in fact, Toby’s wife and how, though they were fond of each other, they were not contented to live together as husband and wife.
She nodded wisely.
“He was that sort of man. I know that from Zingara. Many loved him. He was a man who gave much and received love in return. You had a wonderful father, Carmel, and you have a wonderful mother. I say that, though perhaps all would not agree.”
“Where is Zingara now?”
“She is no longer on the stage. She gave that up. I shall tell her that I have seen you again. Tell me where you are living and I will let her know. Then she will write to you. She is clever. She can write. A gentleman had her taught, He came here to study us at first hand. He was going to write a book about the gipsies. He rented one of the caravans and lived among us for a whole year. We did not mind. He paid us well and he amused us. Of course, he noticed Zingara. She would have been about eight years old at that time. The loveliest creature you ever saw.”
Rosie paused and smiled into the distance.
“He taught her to read and write. She loved that. She always liked to know that bit more than anyone else. She read and read. And when this man went away and wrote his book, he did not forget her. He brought a man down and she danced and sang and that was how she started. She comes back to the camp to see me now and then.”
“I wish she were here now. Should I write to her?”
She paused.
“I tell you what we shall do. You will write down where you are staying and I will have it sent to her. She will then do what she thinks is best to do.”
“I think that is a good idea.”
I took a pencil from the little receptacle I carried and tore a sheet from a small notebook.
“I’m Carmel Sinclair, not March, now,” I said.
“My father thought I should have the same name as his.”
I wrote down the Hysons’ address and gave it to her.
She nodded and put the paper in her pocket.
Then she made some fragrant tea like that which I had had before in this caravan, and we sat drinking and talking. There was so much I had to tell her still and she asked many questions.
Then I realized that I had been absent for a long time and Lady Crompton would be wondering what had become of me.
Gertie was married the following week. There was breathless excitement throughout the house. It had all been planned, down to the smallest detail. The reception was to be at the house after the ceremony, and then Gertie and Bernard were going to Florence for three weeks’ honeymoon. When they returned they would settle into the house which was waiting for them.
Lucian, Lawrence and Dorothy were present and the Hysons had invited numerous friends; and then there were Bernard’s connections. Aunt Beatrice was worried as to how they were all going to get into the house.
Gertie was in a state of ecstasy and Bernard was clearly a very contented man.
It was two days before the great event when I received a letter in an unknown handwriting. My heart beat fast as I looked at it, for something told me it was from Zingara.
I was right.
My dear Carmel [I read], I was delighted to have your address from Rosie. For so long I have wondered about you. You will see from the address above that I am living at a place called Castle Folly in Yorkshire. It is not a real castle, but you will see it when you come to visit it-which you will soon, I hope.
You would have to stay a while, for you could not make the journey there and back in a day. Send me a note please and say when you will come.
Zingara (I am Mrs. Blakemore now).
I re-read the letter and I thought: I will write to her at once. I will go just as soon as I can. I should have to wait until after the wedding, of course, and then perhaps I could hardly leave Aunt Beatrice immediately. She would miss Gertie, although it would only be for a short while. But I would write and fix a date . perhaps a week ahead. That would give time for the wedding and a little interval.
So that was what I did.
There was an enthusiastic reply from Zingara. She was greatly looking forward to seeing me. As for myself, I could hardly wait to go.
The wedding was over. There had been none of those hitches which Aunt Beatrice had greatly feared. The married couple had left for Florence, and we all missed Gertie very much. I had always known what a difference her coming had made to Aunt Beatrice, but now I saw it was even more than I had realized.
She admitted to me that she was a selfish old woman because good fortune had given her Gertie while robbing her own mother of her; and she could not help rejoicing in that.
“Gertie and I were always such pals in the old days,” she said, ‘but now, to have her here so close . like my own daughter, really. It’s my gain . but I do think of my poor sister. “
“She has James,” I said.
“I never thought they would go gallivanting off to Australia. Now I’m going to stock the young people’s house with everything they’ll want when they come home. You must help me, Carmel.”
“I will, but I have to pay this visit to Yorkshire. It is someone I have to see.”
I did not say it was my mother. I had told no one that. I should have to wait until I had understood Zingara’s reactions before I imparted that information.
Lucian thanked me for visiting his mother.
“She said she so much enjoyed having you there. It was good of you to go.”
“I enjoyed it. She was charming to me.”
He looked at me thoughtfully.
“There’s a good deal I want to talk about,” he said.
“We must meet… some time soon.”
I thought: Weddings have an effect on some people. There was some purpose behind that remark. Perhaps it was because of all the hints I had received from Gertie that I wondered if he really did care enough about me to want to marry me. I was unsure of myself and of him. There was something that held me back . something I did not understand.
When I remembered the boy he had been and how I had adored him then, I wanted him to be just like that now. He had changed. Something had happened . there was his marriage, of course. What was it Rosie had said? Our yesterdays must leave their mark upon today.
How different it was with Lawrence! I felt I knew exactly what he was thinking, exactly how he would react to any situation. There was no mystery about Lawrence.
Dorothy was saying: “There is something so affecting about weddings.
How happy they both seem! “
She looked at me wistfully. She did not expect marriage for herself, but she wanted it for Lawrence, and I felt that she was hoping that I would grant her wish.
It was a bright autumn day when I arrived in Yorkshire.
Zingara was at the station to meet me. She had changed a little from the last time I had seen her. That must have been about ten years ago.