Rebecca was saying quietly, “Are you all right, Lucie?”
“It... it’s a shock. This ... er ...”
“Well, it’s what I was saying,” said Josiah. “Life’s better in the country. You know where you are.”
I don’t know how I got through the time before we left. Rebecca came to my aid and did what she could.
As we drove home she said, “Of course, we know very little yet. It’s probably very exaggerated. We must hear more news later on.”
But I felt bewildered and lost. I was beginning to ask myself what dire tragedy could happen next.
It was indeed hard to imagine that this had happened, following so soon after that other tragedy.
Celeste, who had guessed what the relationship between Joel and me was blossoming into, was most upset. She had had so many troubles of her own that she was always ready to sympathize with others.
“I can’t believe it,” I said. “It’s so soon after. Didn’t Shakespeare say that when troubles came they came not singly but in battalions?”
“This is different,” Celeste assured me. “He’ll come back.”
“What could have happened to him?”
We read more in the papers. But, of course, it was only speculation. The mission had been unpopular, and there was some anxiety expressed concerning the whereabouts of the two missing Members of Parliament.
“There must be an explanation,” said Rebecca. “There will be news soon, I’m sure.”
“But what explanation?” I asked. “What news?”
Rebecca could not reply.
“I must go home soon,” I said.
“Oh no ... not yet. You are not ready.”
“I want to be there. I want to know what’s happening. I want to see his family. They might know something.”
“I doubt they will know any more than the authorities.”
“They will be desolate. They dote on him. He’s such a wonderful person, Rebecca.”
“You’ll be better here,” she advised. “Don’t rush away. I can’t bear to think of your going back to that house.”
“I must go, Rebecca.”
“Think about it for a few days.”
I promised I would, and each day I scoured the papers for news. There was none. All I read was, “There is still no news of the missing James Hunter and Joel Greenham.” I knew that I must go. There was no peace for me here anymore. What I could achieve by going to London I was not sure, but I felt I wanted to be there. While I was in this state of uncertainty, letters were forwarded on from London.
There was one for me and one for Celeste. They were both from Belinda.
Eagerly I slit the envelope.
“Dear Lucie,” I read,
My mother died last week. It has been terrible. I miss her so much. You know she had been ill for a long time and it had to come. I feel lost and lonely. She has always been there for me, and I don’t know what I shall do without her. It’s a great shock, though I have seen it coming for months now. She made me promise that I would come back to England. I said I would and she was so happy and relieved when she had letters from you and Celeste saying that I could come.
Well, the time is here. There are some people from England who were out here visiting their relations in Melbourne. We knew the Melbourne family and, before she died, my mother asked them that if it were possible-by which she meant that if she died before the visitors left-she would be grateful to them if they would let me go back to England with them. She had all the instructions written out and I believe she wanted to die in good time, so that I should be able to go with them. Well, it did work out that way, and I am leaving next month so ... unless I hear news from you and Celeste to say you won’t have me ... I shall be coming with them. I heard what happened to your father. It was in the papers here... not much about it ... just that he had been shot by a terrorist because he had obstructed some Bill. It must have been a shock for you as you saw it happen.
Lucie, I do so much want to see you. I have often thought of you and wondered about you. In all this terrible time there is one thing I look forward to and that is seeing you.
I’ll let you know dates and arrangements when I am more certain.
In the meantime, I send my love and the hope that I shall be with you before long.
Belinda
I showed the letter to Celeste who gave me hers to read. It was more brief.
Dear Aunt Celeste,
My mother is dead now and her last wish was that I should come to England. She said you had very kindly promised that I could come to you. I will try not to be a burden, but if I can stay until I know what I have to do, I shall be very grateful.
I have written to Lucie and told her about Mr. and Mrs. Wilberforce who have been visiting relations in Melbourne and are going back to England next month. They have promised to let me travel with them, which will be easier for me. I will let you know details of our sailing soon.
Your affectionate and grateful niece,
Belinda
My spirits lifted a little at the prospect of seeing Belinda. The thought kept me from wondering all the time what was happening to Joel. Celeste was uneasy. I could understand that. She could not help thinking that Belinda had been a source of trouble in the past; but I think she too felt that the prospect of her arrival did stop us brooding all the time as to Joel’s fate. We showed the letters to Rebecca.
I said, “We shall have to go now. I don’t know how long these letters have taken to get here, but Belinda may well be on her way by now.”
“She says that she will let us know when she is coming.”
“She will. But in view of the distance and the time letters take to get here, she may have started by now.”
It seemed that events were making up my mind for me.
“Don’t go to the London house,” advised Rebecca. “Go to Manorleigh.”
“I feel I have to be London. I want to see Joel’s parents. And I want to be there ... to get ready for Belinda.”
She sighed.
“There will be too much to remind you....”
“I have to go back, Rebecca.”
“How I wish I could come with you. But I can’t leave Pedrek and the children again so soon.”
“Of course you can’t. Dearest Rebecca, I am very much able to stand on my own feet.
I can’t rely all my life on my big sister.”
“You know I’m always there. You know this place is waiting for you if ever you found it intolerable... elsewhere ...”
“It won’t be intolerable. I’ve got to grow away from it. I can’t hide in a shelter forever. Besides, I do want to find out all I can about Joel. And there will be Belinda.” Rebecca frowned. “I wonder if she will still be the same.”
“We shall both come down to see you, of course.” She kissed me tenderly. “Take care of yourself, Lucie,” she said. “Remember, I shall be thinking of you.”
My return to London meant that my uneasiness was increasing. As soon as I was alone in my room, I went to the window, half-expecting to see a figure there under the street lamp, although it was broad daylight. The thought occurred to me that I ought to change rooms. That would be cowardly, I decided. No. I must fight against my fears.
I was becoming more and more convinced that Rebecca’s theory was correct. I must have imagined those pebbles at the window; a man had been down there, true, and he was in a merry mood. He had bowed to me and I had thought I saw the widow’s peak, and the scar.