She nodded.
Just in case you’re interested.
I’m not.
Good.
She tugged on the cuff of my suit sleeve. I brushed her hand off. I just want to tell you, she said, your mother’s never liked me.
Ach that’s nonsense.
It’s true.
I looked at her.
It is.
Naw it’s no.
She never passed on Bobby’s messages.
How do you know she got messages?
Oh I know.
How could ye if ye didni get them?
Hh. She smiled.
Maybe my Uncle Boabby didni send ye any. I know for a fact he’s a bad letter writer. Ask anybody.
Tch, dont be so stupid.
I dont like being called stupid.
Well ye’re saying things you know nothing about.
So what?
She tugged on my sleeve again: Sssh. .
So what? I whispered.
It interferes with people’s lives.
You’re the one that’s interfering hen. This is a family occasion.
Ye’ve got no right to speak to me like that.
Look I dont even know ye and ye’re telling me all this gossip.
It’s no gossip.
Aye it is; that’s exactly what it is.
It’s factual information.
I sighed.
You dont know anything.
What ye talking about?
She smiled and turned away, staring across at where my Uncle Dan was sitting with one of his auld cronies; the new bridegroom was there as well. The wee woman had started her whispering again: I tried to have a word with your father but he looked right through me.
Are ye sure ye’ve got the right family?
What’s that supposed to mean?
Just what I say.
What do ye say. .?
I gave her a look. The way she spoke was really beginning to annoy me. And she wasni even looking at me. She was actually staring at my brother now, I mean just staring at him, as if she was seeing him for the first time — dont tell me he was bloody involved! The woman was out of order. She carried on talking some sort of rubbish to do with wartime situations. What fucking war was she talking about? Then she finished up saying: You’re too young anyway so ye are: you wont understand.
I’m a bloody married man missis.
Hh. She glanced sideways, shaking her head.
Look, I said, the maw’s ben the kitchen, go and have a word with her. She’ll fill ye in.
We dont communicate.
Is that right. Aye well there’s no point dumping it all on me, I’m no her first lieutenant. This sort of crap, personal gossip and aw that, I dont understand the ins and outs — thank Christ. If ye have got a grievance she’s the lady, her herself, go and see her.
The wee woman turned to squint about the room.
She’s no in here I’m telling ye she’s ben the kitchen, holding court with the female team. Away through.
Maybe I will.
Good.
Maybe I’ll just do that.
Aye well on ye go.
Maybe that’s just what I’ll do.
Good.
And then we’ll see.
I sipped at the cherry brandy, looking across at the brother and my da, kidding on I hadnt heard the last bit. Behind them I could see my grannie in a corner, sitting on the usual stool; she refused comfortable chairs at all costs, scared she could never climb out them again. A wee niece stood next to her, whispering into her ear. One of the brother’s lassies. I wish to Christ I could just have went for a pint. No wonder Uncle Boabby had fucked off to Ireland.
The wee woman started again: Yer mother just wouldnt want to hear what I’ve been saying to ye.
What are ye saying to me? I mean I dont bloody know what ye’re saying to me.
Yes ye do.
Naw I dont.
Ye do so.
Look I dont. It’s all nudges and winks.
People should see what’s under their nose.
Exactly. I swallowed the last of the brandy and wanted another. This kind of rubbish drove ye to drink. Where was the wife? Fucking hell, she was being chatted up yet again. I glimpsed her through the throng. A guy with Grecian 2000 hair, dwarfing her. I knew the bastard. Big Tojo. Kidding on he was having to really stoop as well, so’s he could see down the cleavage. Fucking dress she was wearing, I told her no to wear it. When she stood sideways ye could see everything, it was bloody disgraceful.
The wee woman said something else which I didni hear. I said yes to keep her happy but the nod she gave me was like I’d confirmed her suspicions. Maybe I had put my foot in something. I stepped to where the drink was lying and replenished the tumbler; I took another quick look at her while I was pouring: about five foot nothing in height. When ye come to think about it but, the clothes she was wearing, they looked reasonably smart. They did. Probably I had been misjudging her. What do ye call these things, a stole or something, fur; smelling of mothballs but it was fine on, probably hell of an old but she would have taken good care of it over the years; you could picture it. Expensive and fashionable for somebody that knew the score, somebody the same age as herself — the maw for instance, she would have clocked it immediately, that sort of deal. What the fuck age was she? At a guess, late forties — maybe even younger.
She had stopped looking at the brother now, she was back looking at Uncle Dan. That was all we needed, him to be involved — fucking scumbag, tightarsed bastard.
Aye she must have been attractive in her heyday but no doubt about that. She was probably much sought after. Uncle Boabby might have had to chase and chase to get her. I caught sight of da saying something quiet to the brother. Who knows what he was up to. I was never his confidant. The idea of putting a word in maw’s ear about the wee woman and her marching in to confront him. But would she fuck. She wouldni care one way or the other. Her and da had been bored with each other for years. Their whole relationship was sarcasm centred. It ran in the family. Everybody. I’m a sarcastic bastard myself. Just ask the wife. And where was she now in the name of fuck she had disappeared. Naw, she had just moved to a more private corner, I could see her with Big fucking Tojo mafioso, he was right up close to her, stooping over her. Dont worry son just stand sideways and all will be revealed.
The cousin walked by, still in the bridegroom suit. He was one of us as well; we were all sarcastic bastards. But with malleable personalities. Even the hero, Uncle Boabby, he was a malleable personality. Plus his wife ran him ragged. Women dominated us completely. None of us were cut out for relationships at all. Fuck knows how the species survived. It was families like ours made sperm-banks a necessity.
The wee woman was giving me a frown.
Sorry, I said, I was away thinking about other things. Actually, to be honest, I was wondering, would you say my Uncle Boabby was a firm sort of guy, in your own experience, I mean to us boys he aye seemed to be, the strong silent type and aw that, but maybe he wisni. Any comments on that?
She gave an ironic chuckle.
That surprises me, I said. And the reason it surprises me is because to the best of my knowledge it was my auntie who was the dominant figure in that particular household.
Mmm. She frowned. People are different with people; they’re basically chameleons as far as I’m concerned. It was the same when we stayed up in Perth, before him over there ruined things.
She was pointing directly at da. I glanced sideways to see if anybody had seen. And there was the wife. We stared at each other.
To tell the truth me and her have always had a special relationship. I tend to know when she needs me and vice versa, just now was one such occasion. I fucking love her and that’s that. We were just going through a bad feud at this point in time. The whole family was. I left the wee woman immediately and went to see if Mr 2000 was bothering her. He was a sharp big bastard in a mohair suit, flash dresser, a lot of patter. A bit of a gangster in fact. His family were noted in the drugs and money scene round a certain side of the city. He had certain connections one is not able to talk about. But it was easy to put a word in his ear. Come on, I said, whispering: This is a wedding, no a funeral, know what I mean, a wee bit of fucking respect.