Hal turned to her. "You've been here all this time and you're only saying it now?" he demanded. " She's only saying it to you," Amid said. "She told me the minute she arrived, but you were down in the forest busy rescuing Artur and Cee at the time. Since you've come back, you were first, dead for sleep, then sometime early this morning you seem to have had a revelation or discovery of some kind - and none of us wanted to disturb you until you were ready to be disturbed. What had touched you may have been too important for the future of all of us to be damaged by intrusion. "
Hal sighed, and nodded. "Yes," he said. "Actually, the fault's mine. I should have asked Amanda for news, the minute I saw her, last night." "You were in no shape - last night," said Amanda, "to ask, or hear."
He smiled a little. "Perhaps," he said. "What happened to me at sunrise this morning might have been blocked off by whatever news you've brought that makes it necessary I go back immediately. But I don't think so. I was deaf and dumb with tiredness, though, I'll grant you that. At any rate, now that sunrise and Bleys are both past - what is it?" "It's for your ears only," said Amanda, "all I've told Amid was that you'd have to leave right away. Actually, that's all you ought to need to know yourself, to get moving. I'll tell you as we go-"
CHAPTER 34
They were well down into the forest and headed away from the direction that would have taken them back to the town of Porphyry and still Amanda had not brought up what she had promised to tell him as they went, whatever it was that was "for his ears only." "No doubt," said Hal, at length, "you had a good reason for not letting me know up there why I had to leave in a hurry, but we're well away, now, and I'd still like to hear."
I'll m sorry." She was walking along, staring at the ground ahead of them a little ways off, and he realized she was frowning. "The fact is, I could have let you know long before this. But I've had my head full of the problems involved." "Bad news of some kind?" asked Hal. "Yes, but... " Amanda hesitated, then her voice picked up briskly. "In a word, Tam's sent you a message."
Hal stopped. She stopped also and they turned to face each other. "A message?" Hal repeated. "He's hardly got the strength-"
"One word, only," said Amanda. "The word is 'tired.' Hal nodded slowly. "I see," he said softly. He turned and began walking on again automatically in the direction they had already been headed. Amanda went with him.
"Yes," she answered. "He said it to Rukh at a moment when she was alone with him. Ajela had been called out of his quarters for a second. He knew Rukh would understand and - pass on the word to me, and I'd get it to you."
Hal nodded. "It was bound to be," he said, on a long exhalation of breath. "He held on as long as he could - for my sake. There's still nothing wrong with him physically?" "You needn't ask that," said Amanda. "Medical science using the Final Encyclopedia could keep his body from ever breaking down. It's his mind that's had too many years. That's-" "I know" said Hal, "there's more to living than a body that'll go on forever. He's weary of life itself. But he's been holding on..." "Rukh thinks, and I'm sure she's right," said Amanda, "that he sent the message because he can't last much longer, though no doubt he's going to try until you get back to see him one more time. If he'd had the life energy for just a few more words she's sure that's what he would have said."
Hal nodded. "Yes, he would have," he said. "How'd the word reach you?" "Rukh sent a courier ship to orbit at a distance around this world until it could contact us. Its driver knew approximately how far off-surface Simon's ship would be orbiting, waiting for us. He found Simon, told him, and Simon signaled me. I've got a system of signals that involves things like you saw our first day here after Simon dropped us off - the white cloth I spread out on the tops of bushes where his viewer could spot it from orbit. In this case, Simon sent down a small capsule under power with the message to a spot which he knew I check regularly for word from him. I signaled back. We'll be at a point where he can pick us up in just a few minutes - he'll be tracking us right now from orbit. " "Good." Hal nodded. "And he should have us back to Earth in a couple of days, ship time." "Or less," said Amanda. "We'll make it in as few shifts as possible - shave right down the probability line of enough error to lose us among the stars on the way there - unless you've got some reason not to."
"No. "
Hal lifted his head and squared his shoulders. "Well, at any rate, I've got something to tell Tam, when I see him." He paused, then went on, "I might still be able to give him what he wants, in time, enough for him to let go with an easy conscience." "You see why I didn't dare break the news to you, even in front of Amid? To too many people, on too many worlds, Tam Olyn's a symbol of hope even bigger than the conflict between you and Bleys." "It's not a personal conflict," said Hal gently. "I know. Forgive me," she said. "I put it badly. But there're too many people who may start to lose the one hope they've hung on to, ever since the Others took over completely on the Younger Worlds. Even there - Bleys' propaganda about you and everything else hasn't been able to shake their hope in Tam. If they think he's close to being gone, now, with nothing found, the heart could go out of a lot of them. That could have been a reason behind Bleys' offer, just now. As long as Tam was still alive, they could hope for a miracle that'd set everything right. "They can still hope for one," said Hal. "But who's to convince them of that?" said Amanda. "Bleys has done too good a job of blackening your reputation for them to believe in your word alone, and there's no one else of comparable stature." "There's Ajela. " "Who really thinks much, or even knows much of her, outside of Earth?" asked Amanda. "Besides, she's the second problem, not the solution - here we are."
They had reached a natural opening in the forest, something that on another world, with a different sort of groundcover from the creeping ground vines of Mara at this altitude, would have been called a meadow. "Simon should be here inside an hour - maybe even in minutes, now," she said.
She stopped at the edge of the open area and Hal stopped with her. He studied her face in profile. "Why did you say 'the second problem?' he asked.
She turned to face him. "Tam's going to die," Amanda said. "Don't you realize what that means in the case of Ajela?"
"Oh," said Hal, "of course." "More 'of course' than I think you realize," said Amanda. "With Tam's death Ajela's going to collapse, and as things stand she's the working executive head of Earth. Who's to fill in for her until she can take control again, and how can we handle things while keeping Tam's death a secret?" "You're right," Hal answered. "I thought about that a little while I was up on the ledge." "You've had your own search to occupy you. But now, I think maybe you should set that aside for a moment. Hal, you know everybody's done all each one of them could, to leave you free to search for the answer you were the only one able to find-" "Including you taking yourself off to risk your life daily on worlds the Others held in the palms of their hands, just to keep yourself out of my reach?" "Not just to keep myself out of your reach," she said swiftly. "This work I do is too badly needed to be taken on as just an excuse. But at the same time, your search is something you have to do on your own. We all know that. If I was around, I'd be a distraction to you, whether you wanted me to be or not."
Their eyes met. "I'm one of Time's soldiers, too, Hal," she said, "and it was my duty to be elsewhere." "And what if it's to be we never have time for ourselves?" Hal asked softly. "You asked me that before. We will," she answered. Her eyes still held his steadily. "We will. I promise you."
An unreasonable happiness leaped up in him, but just at that moment the air quivered about them like soundless thunder, felt not heard, and they both looked up. A dot was flashing down out of the sky toward them in jumps, growing with each jump more into a visible shape, and nearer. It was Simon Graeme doing what the Dorsai did as a matter of course, but few pilots from Other worlds would risk-phase-shifting down to almost the very surface of a world, so as to avoid any but the briefest sound of a ship coming through the atmosphere to a landing. "We'll talk more - later," said Hal hastily. "Yes, we will," she answered, as with a sudden brief explosion of displaced air and atmospheric motors, the courier ship landed in the open area less than fifty meters from where they stood.