And then he woke up, and the freaking out began.
He wasn’t sure how long he had been out, but figured it hadn’t been long. After all, the bombs hadn’t exploded and he was still alive—though he had no idea how much time was left before they sent Paris, and him, sky high.
He felt a powerful tickle in his nose, and with a trumpeting release he let out one of the loudest sneezes of his life. There was a crackle in his ear as a com-link came to life, and soon he could hear a familiar voice inside his head.
“Agent Pufferfish to Agent Flinch, can you hear me? Please respond.”
“I’m here,” Flinch said.
“What are you doing?”
“Having a nervous breakdown!” he cried. “I’m in a tunnel, tied up, and surrounded by bombs!”
“Flinch!” Pufferfish said. “Stay calm. You can’t freak out. Take some deep breaths . . . OK, are you breathing?”
“I think so,” Flinch said.
“Good, now use your super strength to snap the ropes,” Pufferfish instructed.
Flinch tried and failed. The more he pulled, the more the ropes dug into his wrists, which meant he had an even bigger problem. His hyperactivity was channeled through a harness he wore that gave him superhuman strength and speed. If he couldn’t break the ropes, then the harness must be broken or missing, which meant for the time being he was just an ordinary—albeit very hyperactive—boy.
“No can do, Pufferfish,” he said. “My upgrades are offline.”
Suddenly, he heard the sounds of scratching through his com-link.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“It’s me!” Pufferfish cried. “I’m allergic to freaking out. You’ve only got fifteen minutes before Paris goes bye-bye.”
The two of them screamed and shrieked and freaked out until another voice came on the line. This one belonged to Agent Wheezer. From the sound of the wind, Flinch guessed she was soaring over the City of Lights, using her inhalers to propel herself through the sky. “This is Agent Wheezer, your eye in the sky. Captain Kapow is making his way toward the River Seine, where he has a getaway boat waiting for him. I’ll do what I can to slow him down, but I could really use a hyperactive strongman with super speed to help out.”
“I’m a little tied up at the moment,” Flinch whimpered as he pulled at the ropes again. He wished he could see what was bound around his hands. If only it wasn’t so dark. Wait! Hadn’t the scientists given him something special for just this kind of problem? Yes, the contact lenses! But how did they work? If only he had paid attention during the mission briefing, but there had been bear claws in the briefing room that weren’t going to eat themselves.
“Uh, Gluestick, how do the lamp contacts work again?” he said.
Duncan came on the com-link with a sigh. “I knew you weren’t listening! The T-477 Contact Bulbs have a nuclear core that—”
“You can read him the instruction manual later!” Pufferfish snapped. “Just tell him what he needs to know.”
“Geez! OK, blink your eyes three times fast and say ‘Spotlight,’” Gluestick said.
Flinch did as he was told, and suddenly his eyes lit up like the high beams on a Gran Torino. Unfortunately, he immediately wished he could go back to not knowing where he was.
He was in a narrow tunnel whose walls were lined from floor to ceiling with bones—hundreds and thousands of bones. Hip bones, legs, feet, fingers, ribs—all of different sizes and stacked on top of one another in neat rows. The tunnel was getting smaller. The bones were getting closer. The skulls were turning their lifeless gaze on him and their cackling jaws unhinged to eat his soul.
“MUERTO!!!!” he cried.
“Here comes the freak-out again,” another voice said. This one belonged to Agent Braceface. “I don’t know why Savage didn’t just send me. My braces could have gotten this done fifteen minutes ago and we’d have time to see the Eiffel Tower.”
“Flinch, you must calm down,” Pufferfish said. “There’s nothing to be afraid of. This was all explained in the briefing.”
“Bear claws!” Flinch cried.
“You’re in the Parisian catacombs, also known as the City of the Dead.”
“City of the Dead!!” Flinch cried.
“Shut up and listen! It’s a big underground cemetery. Nearly six million bodies were moved here in the late 18th century from a place called the Cemetery of the Innocents. The original tunnels were carved out by limestone miners and are centuries old—”
“Less history lesson and more rescuing me from the skeleton people!” Flinch shouted, pulling fruitlessly at his bindings.
“The tunnels are why we have to stop the bombs from exploding. If they go off, every house, business, vehicle, and person above them will collapse into the hole.”
“I didn’t know that!” he said.
“IT WAS IN THE BRIEFING!” his teammates shouted through the com-link.
Duncan’s voice returned. “All right, buddy, take a deep breath and calm down. Try to relax and stay positive. What is it that your grandma always says?”
“De que tocan a llover, no hay más que abrir el paraguas,” Flinch said.
“What does that mean?” Wheezer asked.
“If it’s raining, all you have to do is open your umbrella.”
“OK . . . so what are we going to do?” Pufferfish said.
“We’re going to find his umbrella,” Gluestick said. “Now, feel around for something to loosen the ropes.”
Flinch reached out cautiously until something sharp jabbed his wrists. Was it a knife? What did a skeleton need a knife for? Were the skeletons not satisfied with scaring him to death—now they wanted to stab him as well?
He pushed the thought out of his mind and focused on his situation. He had learned in his secret agent training that anything could be a tool—even a pointy thing in the middle of a stack of dead people. So he fought the urge to pee his pants and dragged the ropes back and forth against its sharp edge.
“Maybe I need to go in after him,” Braceface said. “I’ll just morph my braces into a motorcycle and zip down there. He’s running out of time, and if we don’t act fast, this place is going to be French toast.”
“They don’t eat French toast in France,” Pufferfish grumbled.
“No one is coming down here!” Flinch said.
“But, Flinch—”
“No! The general put me in charge, and so I’m in charge and I get to say what happens and stuff!” Flinch said as he continued working away at his bindings.
Soon there was a snap and his hands were free. He turned to find out what the sharp object was that had helped his escape. It was a skull with a jaw full of broken teeth. He had put his hands into its mouth!!! Ugh!!! He danced around trying to shake the creepy feeling out of his skin.
“Now for the harness,” he said when he got himself under control. He found it on the ground nearby and eyed it closely, searching for damage. Tiny robots in his body called nanobytes turned the sugar that he consumed into raw power, then channeled that power into the harness, which allowed him to access it at will. Without the power, he was just a kid who ate too many cupcakes and rambled when he spoke. But how had the thugs known?
One of the harness’s power chords had been yanked out. Flinch re-inserted the chord, and the chest plate glowed with a familiar blue light. He slipped it back over his head and locked it in place. Immediately, he felt the energy coursing through him.
“All right, problemo numero dos has been solved. How much time do I have?”
“Nine minutes,” Pufferfish said through scratches.
Flinch turned up his power, ready to run. “Time to save Paris.”
To be continued in The Villain Virus . . .
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
GOOD! GET OUTTA HERE!