“You don’t feel safe here?”
She looked up at him, surprised by the question. The answer was so obvious. “No.”
“Because I was stupid this morning?”
She shook her head. “No, not at all. I never feel safe anywhere.”
She heard how blasé the words sounded, the way the words of course seemed to be embedded in her answer, and watched his face fall a little in response.
“Hey, but I probably have PTSD. It doesn’t have to be like that. I’m sure another person could handle things better.”
He raised one eyebrow. “Yes, Kevin seems completely normal.”
They laughed again. She hadn’t laughed this much in the past three years put together.
He lifted his fork. “Shall we?”
CHAPTER 15
“No, I’m not exaggerating. I am fairly certain this is the best meal I’ve ever eaten in my entire life. Granted, I’m generally a fast-food girl, so I’m not a very sophisticated judge, but I also mean what I say.”
“Well, that’s a lovely compliment. Thank you.”
“What is this again?” She poked her fork at the dessert on her plate, wishing she had a tiny bit more space in her stomach. She’d eaten herself nearly sick, but still she craved just one more bite.
“Bananas Foster butter cake.”
“I mean…” She went for it, ignoring her stomach and savoring a small forkful. “Where did you learn to do this?”
“I took a few culinary courses in college. I watch a lot of the Food Network on the weekends, and I practice when I can afford to.”
“Time amazingly well spent. I think you might have missed your calling, though.”
“I worked in a few restaurants back in the day. It wasn’t conducive to a social life. When I was dating my ex… well, she wasn’t a big fan of the schedule. My day job gave us more time together.”
“Not everyone would make the sacrifice.”
“It wasn’t one, really. Working with the kids always felt most important. I loved it. And it wasn’t like I couldn’t cook at home. So I got both for a while.”
“Then you stopped?”
He sighed. “Well, when Lainey left… I didn’t want to fight. I let her have whatever she wanted.”
Alex could easily picture how that had worked. She’d seen Daniel’s postdivorce bank account. “She cleaned you out.”
“Pretty much. Hence the ramen diet.”
“That is a crime.” She looked longingly at what was left of the butter cake.
“Life,” he said. “You’ve had your share of heartbreak.”
“Honestly, though it all went down with a little too much terror and tragedy, I was ready to quit anyway. It was never what I wanted to do with my life; it’s just what I was really good at.” She shrugged. “The job took a toll.”
“I can’t even begin to imagine. But I meant… romantically.”
She stared at him, uncomprehending. “Romantically?”
“Well, as you said, it ended in tragedy.”
“My life, sure. But…?”
“I just figured, from the way you talk about him, it must have been devastating to lose… Dr. Barnaby the way you did. You never said what his first name was?”
“It was Joseph. But I always called him Barnaby.”
She took a sip of her juice.
“And were you in love with him… from the very beginning?”
Her shocked gasp pulled a mouthful of juice into her lungs, and she spluttered and choked. Daniel jumped up and pounded her on the back while she tried to regain control of her breathing. After a minute, she waved him off.
“I’m okay,” she coughed out. “Sit.”
He stayed by her, one hand half extended. “Are you sure?”
“Just. Caught by surprise. With Barnaby?”
“I thought you said yesterday…”
She took a deep breath, then coughed one more time. “That I loved him.” She shuddered. “Sorry, I’m just having some seriously squicky incest reflexes right now. Barnaby was like my father. He was a good father – the only one I ever knew. It was really hard knowing how he died, and I miss him like hell. So, yes, definitely devastating. But not like that.”
Daniel returned slowly to his seat. He thought for a moment, and then he asked, “Who else did you have to cut ties with when you disappeared?”
She could imagine the long array of faces parading through his mind right now. “That part wasn’t so hard for me. It sounds pretty pathetic, but Barnaby was my only real friend. My work was my entire life, and I wasn’t allowed to talk about my work to anyone besides Barnaby. I lived a very isolated existence. There were others around… for example, the underlings who prepped subjects. They knew what was happening in a general sense but had none of the classified details about the information we were trying to retrieve. And, well, they were terrified of me. They knew what my job was. So we didn’t chat much. There were a few lab assistants who performed a variety of duties outside the action rooms, but they didn’t know what we were doing and I had to be careful not to say anything to tip them off. Occasionally, people from the different agencies visited individually to monitor a particular interrogation, but I had very little contact with them except to receive instructions about the angles I should cover. Mostly they watched from behind one-way glass, and Carston gave me the information. I used to think Carston was sort of my friend, but he did just try to kill me… So I can’t compare it to what you’re losing. Obviously, I didn’t have that much of a life to lose. Even before I was recruited… I guess I just don’t bond with other humans like a normal person. Like I said, pathetic.”
He smiled at her. “I haven’t noticed any deficiencies.”
“Um, thanks. Well, it’s getting late. Let me help clear this all up.”
“Sure.” He stood and stretched, then started stacking plates. She had to move quickly to grab a few things before he had efficiently made off with all of it. “But the night is still young,” he continued, “and I’m going to have to bring up the other half of our deal now.”
“Huh?”
He laughed. His hands were full so she pulled the dishwasher open. She filled in the bottom rack while he did the top and put the bigger pieces in the sink. The chore moved quickly with both of them working in easy tandem.
“You don’t remember? It’s only been a few days, really. I’ll admit, it does seem a lot longer. It could be weeks.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
He closed the dishwasher and then leaned back against the counter, folding his arms. She waited.
“Think back. Before things got… strange. You promised that if I still liked you after we had dinner together…”
He looked at her with raised eyebrows, waiting for her to fill in the blank.
Oh. He was talking about their conversation on the train. She was shocked he could refer to it so lightly. That was the last moment his life had been normal. The last moment before everything had been stolen from him. And though she hadn’t been the architect of that theft, she’d been the hand they used.
“Um. Something about a foreign film theater at the university near you, right?”
“Yes – well, but I didn’t mean for you to be quite so specific. The university theater is not exactly convenient right now. However…” He opened the cupboard behind him, reached up, and pulled something off the highest shelf. He turned back to her with a huge grin and presented a DVD case. The faded cover had a picture of a beautiful woman in a red dress and a dark, wide-brimmed hat.
“Ta-da!” he said.
“Where on earth did you get that?”
His smile got a little smaller. “Second store I went to. Thrift store. I got very lucky. This is actually a great movie.” He assessed her face. “I can read your thoughts. You’re thinking, Is there any place this idiot didn’t go? We’ll be dead by sunrise.”