‘Can you lend me a fiver?’ Mulvey asked me about midday. ‘I’ll give it back to you as soon as I find Halloran.’
‘You don’t have to worry about that.’ It was a sort of freedom to be rid of the money.
‘There’s no reason I should be spending all your money. I’ll give it back to you this evening. We’re bound to unearth Halloran this evening,’ and the rest of the day was more or less arranged. We had drinks at a tiny local along the canal. The child had lemonade and crisps.
Stew was heated when we got back to the house. Then Mulvey shut himself upstairs to write a review. Claire Mulvey watched an old movie with Cary Grant on the black-and-white television. I played draughts with the child. It was four when Mulvey came down.
‘How did it go?’ I asked without looking up from the pieces on the board.
‘It didn’t go at all. I couldn’t get started with thinking of that damned Halloran. He’s ruined the day as well.’ He was plainly in foul humour.
We left the child to play with neighbours and set out towards Grafton Street to look for Halloran, Mulvey carrying the suitcase. He had been at his most affable and bluff-charming while handing over the child to the neighbours, but as soon as we were alone he started to seethe with resentment.
‘It’s an affront to expect someone to lug this thing round for two whole days.’
‘What harm is it?’ his wife made the mistake of saying. ‘He’s not a very happy person.’
‘What do you know about his happiness or unhappiness?’
‘He sweats a kind of unhappiness. He’s bald and huge and not much more than thirty.’
‘I never heard such rubbish. He’s probably in some good hotel down in Wicklow at this very moment, relaxing with a gin and tonic, watching the sun set from a deck-chair, regaling this boy with poetry or love or some other obscenity. I’m not carrying the fat ponce’s suitcase a yard farther,’ and he flung it from him, the suitcase sliding to a violent stop against the ledge of the area railing without breaking open.
‘I’ll carry it.’ His wife went and picked up the case, but Mulvey was already striding ahead.
‘When we were first together I used to hate these rows. I used to be ill afterwards, but Paddy taught me that there was nothing bad about them. He taught me that fights shouldn’t be taken too seriously. They often clear the air. They’re just another form of expression,’ she confided.
‘I hate rowing.’
‘I used to feel that way!’
This, I thought, was a true waste. If she was with me now we could be by the sea.
But we’d gone to the sea four Sundays before, to Dollymount. She’d been silent and withdrawn all that day. I was afraid to challenge her mood, too anxious just to have her near. She said we’d go over to the sandhills on the edge of the links, away from the wall and the crowded beach. She seemed to be searching for a particular place among the sandhills, and when she found it smiled that familiar roguish smile I hadn’t seen for months and took a photo from her handbag.
‘Willie Moran took the photo on this very spot,’ she said. ‘Do you recognize it at all?’
Willie Moran was a young solicitor she’d gone out with. She’d wanted to marry him. It had ended a few months before we met. After it ended she hadn’t been able to live alone and had gone back to an older sister’s house.
I used to be jealous of Willie Moran but by now even that had been burned away. I just thought him a fool for not marrying her, wished that I’d been he. I handed her back the photo. ‘You look beautiful in it.’
‘You see, it was afterwards it was taken. I’m well tousled.’ She laughed and drew me down. She wanted to make love there. There seemed to be no one passing. We covered ourselves with a white raincoat.
Her mood changed as quickly again as soon as we rose. She wanted to end the day, to separate.
‘We could go to one of the cinemas in O’Connell Street or to eat somewhere.’ I would offer anything.
‘No. Not this evening. I just want to have an early night. I’ve a kind of headache.’
It was then she pointed out that she’d lost an earring in the sandhills, one of a pair of silver pendants I’d given her for her birthday.
As soon as she left me I retracked my way back into the sandhills. Our shapes were still where we had lain in the loose sand. With a pocket comb I came on the pendant where the sand and long white grass met. I was happy, only too anxious to believe that it augured well, that it was a sign that the whole course of the affair had turned towards an impossible happiness. ‘We will be happy. We’ll be happy. It will turn out all right now.’ It was a dream of paradise.
But all the finding of the pendant did was to hold off this hell for four whole weeks. It was strange to think that but for coming on the simple earring in the sand, this day, this unendurable day, would have fallen four weeks ago. She had said so.
The Harcourt Street lights brought Mulvey’s enraged stride to a stop. He turned and came back towards us. ‘If I can’t carry it, it’s an even worse form of humiliation to have to watch my wife carry it. Throw it there,’ and when she protested he took it from her and threw it down.
‘I’ll carry it,’ I said. It was so light it could be empty, but when I swung it I felt things move within the leather.
‘What business is it of yours?’ he demanded.
‘None. But I don’t want to leave it behind on the street.’
‘You take it too seriously.’ He brightened. ‘It wouldn’t be left behind.’
‘I don’t mind carrying it at all,’ I said.
‘Do you know what colour of sky that is?’ He pointed above the roofs of Harcourt Street.
‘It’s blue,’ I said. ‘A blue sky.’
‘It’s not a blue sky, but it goes without saying that blue is what it would be called by everybody in this sloppy country. Agate is the exact word. There are many blues. That is an agate sky.’
‘How do you know it’s agate?’
‘A painter I used to knock around with taught me the different colours.’
‘It’s a beautiful word,’ I said.
‘It’s the right word,’ he replied.
‘I’ve just noticed what a lovely evening it is,’ Claire Mulvey said wistfully. ‘There’s just the faintest hint of autumn.’
‘The last time we met I seem to remember you saying that Halloran was all right,’ I said. ‘You said he was a sensitive person.’
‘Oh, I was just making him up,’ Mulvey laughed, breaking as quickly into jocular good humour as he had into anger. ‘You don’t have to take what I say about people so solemnly. People need a great deal of making up. I don’t see how they’d be tolerable otherwise. Everybody does it. You’ll learn that soon enough.’
The light seemed to glow in a gentle fullness on the bullet-scarred stone of the College of Surgeons. Stephen’s Green looked full of peace within its green railings. There was a smoky blue in the air that warned of autumn. Claire Mulvey had been silent for several minutes. Her face was beautiful in its tiredness, her thoughts plainly elsewhere.
‘We have to be thankful for this good weather while it lasts,’ she said when we reached the bar. ‘It’s lovely to see the doors of the bars open so late in the summer.’
Halloran was not in the bar. We counted out the money and found we’d enough for one round but not for a second. Mulvey bought the drinks and took them to a table near the door. We could see the whole way across the street to the closed shoeshop.
‘Where’s that case?’ Mulvey said in an exasperation of waiting. ‘We’ve been lugging it around for so long we might as well see what we’ve been lugging around.’
‘What does it matter? He left it with us,’ Claire Mulvey pleaded. ‘And he may come at any minute.’