ANNA PETROVNA (laughs). That’s exactly the way he used to talk . . . Word for word . . . But his eyes are bigger, and when he used to talk about something with enthusiasm, they’d be like glowing coals . . . Keep talking, keep talking . . .
LVOV (rises and waves his hand in dismissal). What am I supposed to talk about? Please go inside . . .
ANNA PETROVNA. You say that Nikolay’s this and that, six of one, half of a dozen of the other. How do you know this? Can you really analyze a person in six months’ time? Doctor, he’s a remarkable man, and I’m sorry that you didn’t get to know him two or three years ago. Now he’s depressed, taciturn, doesn’t do anything, but in the past . . . Such splendor! . . . I fell in love with him at first sight. (Laughs.) One glimpse of him and I was caught in the mousetrap, snap! . . . He said: let’s go . . . I cut myself off from everything, you know, the way people snip off withered leaves with a scissors, and I went . . .
Pause.
And now it’s different . . . Now he goes to the Lebedevs, to be entertained by other women, while I . . . I sit in the garden and listen to the owl screeching . . .
The WATCHMAN taps.19
Doctor, don’t you have any brothers?
LVOV. No.
ANNA PETROVNA sobs.
Well, what is it now, what’s wrong with you?
ANNA PETROVNA (rises). I can’t help it, Doctor, I’m going to go over there . . .
LVOV. Over where? . . .
ANNA PETROVNA. Where he is . . . I’ll drive over there . . . Have them harness the horses . . . (Runs to the house.)
LVOV. You can’t possibly go . . .
ANNA PETROVNA. Leave me alone, it’s none of your business . . . I can’t stand it, I shall go . . . Have them bring the horses . . . (Runs into the house.)
LVOV. No, I definitely refuse to practice under such conditions . . . It’s not bad enough that they don’t pay me a penny, but they also turn my feelings inside-out! . . . No, I refuse, enough is enough! . . . (Goes into the house.)
Curtain
ACT TWO
A reception room in the Lebedevs’ house. At right, an entry directly into the garden, doors right and left. Antique, expensive furniture. A chandelier, candelabrums, and pictures, all under dustcovers.20 To the left of the door a sofa, in front of it a round table with a large lamp, armchairs beside it, on the downstage side of the table against the wall three armchairs in a row. At right an upright piano, with a fiddle lying on it; chairs on either side of it. Upstage, near the entry to the veranda an unfolded card table.
I
ZINAIDA SAVISHNA, DUDKIN, FIRST GUEST, SECOND GUEST, KOSYKH, AVDOTYA NAZAROVNA, YEGORUSHKA, GAVRILA, MAID-SERVANT, TWO OLD LADY GUESTS, YOUNG LADIES, and BABAKINA.
ZINAIDA SAVISHNA is sitting on the sofa; on both sides of her in armchairs are the old lady guests; across from her on straight chairs sit DUDKIN, FIRST GUEST, and five or six young ladies. At the card table KOSYKH, AVDOTYA NAZAROVNA, YEGORUSHKA, and two guests are seated, playing cards.21 GAVRILA is standing by the door at right. The MAIDSERVANT is handing round a tray of sweetmeats. Guests circulate from the garden to the door at right and back again.
BABAKINA enters through the door at right and heads for Zinaida Savishna.
ZINAIDA SAVISHNA (delighted). Sweetheart, Marfa Yegorovna . . .
BABAKINA. How are you, Zinaida Savishna . . . I’m honored to congratulate you on your birthday girl . . .
They exchange kisses.
God bless . . .
ZINAIDA SAVISHNA. Thank you, sweetheart, I’m pleased to see you . . . Well, how are you feeling?
BABAKINA. Thanks ever so for asking. (Sits next to the sofa.) How are you, young people!
DUDKIN and FIRST GUEST rise and bow.
FIRST GUEST (laughs). Young people . . . Are you so old?
BABAKINA (sighing). What would we be doing among the youngsters?
FIRST GUEST (laughs respectfully). For heaven’s sake, how can you . . .
DUDKIN. You may be what’s called a widow, but you could give a nine-point handicap to any young woman . . .
GAVRILA serves Babakina tea.
ZINAIDA SAVISHNA (to Gavrila). Why are you serving it like that? You should bring some preserves . . . gooseberry or something . . .
BABAKINA. Don’t go to the trouble, thanks ever so . . .
Pause.
DUDKIN Did you come by way of Mushkino, Marfa Yegorovna? . . .
BABAKINA. No, Zamishche. The road’s better there . . .
DUDKIN. True enough, ma’am . . .
KOSYKH. Two spades . . .
YEGORUSHKA. Pass.
AVDOTYA NAZAROVNA. Pass.
SECOND GUEST. Pass.
BABAKINA. Lottery tickets, Zinaida Savishna sweetheart, have gone right through the roof again.22 Have you ever heard of such a thing: the first drawing already costs two hundred and seventy, and the second well nigh two hundred and fifty . . . Never heard of anything like it . . .
ZINAIDA SAVISHNA (sighs). It’s all very well for those who’ve got a lot of them . . .
BABAKINA. Don’t you think so, sweetheart; they may cost a lot, but they make an unprofitable investment for your capital. The insurance alone will be the death of you.
ZINAIDA SAVISHNA. That’s so, but all the same, my dear, you go on hoping . . . (Sighs.) God is merciful . . .
DUDKIN. At the present time, if you consider it from a point of view, wherever you invest your money, there’s no profit in it. Gilt-edged securities are nothing but a pain, but on the other hand unloading ‘em — I wouldn’t go that far: it sounds like you’re whistling in the dark. The way I see it, if a person’s got money, the very best thing for him would be buy a revolver, fire it and rest in peace . . . There’s why money nowadays is nothing but a headache . . .
BABAKINA (sighs). That’s so true!
FIRST GUEST (to the young lady beside him.) A man walks up up to another man and sees—there’s a dog sitting there. (Laughs.) So he asks, “What’s your dog’s name?” And the other man says, “Liqueurs.” (Roars with laughter.) Liqueurs . . . Get it? Like-yours . . . (Embarrassed.)
DUDKIN. At our warehouse in town we’ve got a dog, his name is Fake-fur . . .
BABAKINA. What?
DUDKIN. Fake-fur.
Faint laughter. ZINAIDA SAVISHNA gets up and goes out the door at right. A prolonged silence.
YEGORUSHKA. Two diamonds.
AVDOTYA NAZAROVNA. Pass.
SECOND GUEST. Pass.
KOSYKH. Pass.
II
The same, ZINAIDA SAVISHNA, and LEBEDEV.
ZINAIDA SAVISHNA (entering from the door right with Lebedev, quietly). Why are you planted out there? What a prima donna! Sit with the guests . . . (Sits in her former place.)