LEBEDEV. A barroom, but it wasn’t me that made it a barroom nor was it Nikolasha. It’s customary . . . there’s a custom — shout yourself hoarse, sing at the top of your lungs, and customs, my boy, are just like laws. Mores leges imitantur59—that’s something else I remember from university. Let’s not you and I try to change people.
SHABELSKY leans on the piano and sobs.
Good grief . . . Matvey . . . Count . . . What’s wrong with you? Dear heart, my dear fellow . . . my angel . . . Have I offended you? Well, forgive me, old hound that I am . . . Forgive a drunkard . . . Have some water . . .
SHABELSKY. Don’t want any. (Raises his head.)
LEBEDEV. What are you crying for?
SHABELSKY. No reason, just because . . .
LEBEDEV. No, Matvey, don’t lie . . . what for? What’s the reason?
SHABELSKY. I just caught a glimpse of that cello and . . . and I remembered the little kike girl . . . .
LEBEDEV. Oh boy, what a time you picked to remember . . . May she rest in peace, bless her, but this is no time for reminiscing . . .
SHABELSKY. We would play duets together . . . A wonderful, superb woman . . . (Leans on the piano.)
VOICE FROM THE RECEPTION ROOM: “To the health of the ladies . . .”
Fanfare and hooray.
They’re all vulgar little, petty little, insignificant little, untalented little creatures . . . I’m a grouch; like a coquette, I put on God knows what kind of airs, I don’t believe a single word I say, but you have to agree, Pasha, everyone is trivial, insignificant, appallingly vulgar. I’m ready to love mankind before I die, but after all they’re not humans, but subhumans, microcephali,60 filth, soot . . .
LEBEDEV. Subhumans . . . It’s all on account of stupidity, Matvey . . . They are stupid, but just you wait—their children will be intelligent . . . If the children aren’t intelligent, wait for the grandchildren, it can’t happen all at once . . . It’ll take centuries . . .
SHABELSKY. Pasha, when the sun shines, it’s cheerful even in a graveyard . . . when there’s hope, then it’s good even to be old . . . But I haven’t got a hope, not one single one . . .
LEBEDEV. Yes, you’re really in a bad way . . . You’ve got no children, no money, no occupation . . . Well, that’s the way it goes, fate doesn’t care a damn for you . . .
The music plays a waltz for half a minute, during which time LEBEDEV and SHABELSKY look as if they’re talking to one another.
SHABELSKY. We’ll settle up in the next world. I’ll go to Paris and take a look at my wife’s grave. In my lifetime I’ve given away plenty, I squandered half my fortune, and therefore I have the right to ask. Besides, I’m asking it from a friend.
LEBEDEV (dismayed). Dear heart, I haven’t got a penny . . . Word of honor, omnia mea mecum porto.61 I live off my wife’s groceries, no salary of my own. I did have a secret ten thousand stashed away, but this very day I promised it to Shurochka. (Vigorously.) Hold on, stop whining . . . Eureka62. . . I’ll put in a word with Nikolay, and you’ll be in Paris . . . Off to Paris . . . We’ll deal you three thousand out of the ten. Four . . . You can travel around all year long, and then you’ll come home and, who knows, you might have a grand-nephew . . . Ow . . . ow . . . Word of honor . . .
IV
The same and IVANOV.
IVANOV (entering from the reception room). Uncle, are you here? My dear man, I’m smiling and laughing like the most good-natured of mortals . . . (Laughs.) I beg you most cordially to be merry, you smile too . . . Don’t poison our merriment by looking down in the mouth. Take Pasha by the right arm, me by the left and we’ll go have a drink to your health. I’m more happy and contented than I’ve been for a long time. Everything is fine, normal . . . wonderful . . . I’ve had a glass of champagne (laughs) and I think the whole world is spinning around with my happiness . . . (Alarmed). Matvey, have you been crying?
SHABELSKY. Yes . . .
IVANOV. What for?
SHABELSKY. I was remembering her . . . Sarra . . .
Pause.
IVANOV. Thank you for remembering her . . . She was a beautiful, exceptional woman . . . There are few women like her, Matvey . . .
LEBEDEV. She was attractive. It’s true . . .
Pause.
IVANOV (to the Count). Do you remember that word I flung at her in the heat of the moment, when she came into my study? My God, we can remember it now calmly, but at the time I almost died of horror. I didn’t sleep a wink for five whole days, didn’t eat a single crumb, but after all she forgave me . . . She forgave me everything when she died. And I feel that even now she’s looking down on us with her bright eyes and forgives us. She’s sleeping in her grave now; we’re alive, music is playing around us, and a time will come when we shall die, and people will say of us: now he’s sleeping in the grave . . . I like this natural order and I like nature itself. (Laughs.) Everything is extraordinarily appealing to me today . . . Pasha, you are the most honest of men . . . I don’t need to drink any more, but you, gentlemen, go and have a drink . . .
LEBEDEV. Count, a little cognac? Eh? What’ll you have?
SHABELSKY. I don’t care.
IVANOV. I won’t drink myself, but I like to see other people drink. (Taps his forehead.) When you’re happy, you’re happy, but these last few days I’ve been so enervated that I thought I’d faint . . . A sort of whimper ran through my whole body . . . (Laughs.) Let’s go.
V
The same and BORKIN.
BORKIN (entering from the reception room). Boy, where are you? They’re looking for you. (On seeing Ivanov.) Ah . . . Go in quickly, they’re calling for you . . . Although, wait just a minute, Nicolas, I have to let you in on a wonderful idea. For this idea, gents, you all, no matter how many you are, ought to pay at least a thousand rubles . . . Listen, Nicolas: let’s you, me, Zinaida Savishna and Babakina, all of us, go shares in opening a stud farm . . . Are you willing?
LEBEDEV. Well . . . whist has turned this lad’s wits.
IVANOV (laughs). Misha, you’re a clever, capable fellow . . . I sincerely wish you well. Let bygones be bygones.
BORKIN (moved). Nikolay Alekseevich, you’re a good man . . .I love you and am obliged to you for a great deal. Let’s drink as brothers! . . .
IVANOV. That’s not necessary, Misha, it’s all nonsense . . . What matters is, be an honest, good man . . . Let bygones be bygones . . . You’re at fault, I’m at fault, but we won’t go into that. We are all people — human beings, all sinners, guilty in the sight of God. The only person who isn’t sinful and is strong is someone with no red blood and no heart.