SHABELSKY (roaring with laughter, to Lebedev). But, do you realize, the strangest thing of all is that they take it seriously, as if I . . . Wonderful! (Rises.) Or else, actually, Pasha, should I commit this dirty deed on my own? For spite . . . new tricks for an old dog, as they say! Eh, Pasha? No kidding . . .
LEBEDEV. You’re talking drivel, Count. Our concern, yours and mine, my boy, is to be mindful of our deaths, for Marfutka and her coin of the realm have passed you by long ago . . . Our time is over.
SHABELSKY. No, I will do the deed! Word of honor, I’ll do the deed!
Enter IVANOV and LVOV.
V
The same, IVANOV, and LVOV.
LVOV. Please grant me just five minutes.
LEBEDEV. Nikolasha! (Goes to meet Ivanov and kisses him.) Good afternoon, my dear friend . . . I’ve been waiting for you a whole hour.
AVDOTYA NAZAROVNA (bows). Good afternoon, my dear sir!
IVANOV (bitterly). Gentlemen, once again you’ve turned my study into a barroom! . . . I’ve asked each and every one of you a thousand times not to do it . . . (Walks over to the desk.) There, look, you’ve spilled vodka on the papers . . . crumbs . . . pickles . . . it’s really disgusting!
LEBEDEV. Sorry, Nikolasha, sorry . . . Forgive us. You and I, dear friend, have some very important business to talk over. . . .
BORKIN. So do I.
LVOV. Nikolay Alekseevich, may I have a word with you?
IVANOV (points to Lebedev). He’s the one who needs me. Wait, you’re next . . . (To Lebedev.) What’s on your mind?
LEBEDEV. Gentlemen, I’d like to speak in private. Please . . .
The COUNT exits with AVDOTYA NAZAROVNA, followed by
BORKIN, then LVOV.
IVANOV. Pasha, you can drink as much as you like, it’s your funeral, but please don’t let my uncle drink.[43] He never drank at my house before. It’s bad for him.
LEBEDEV (alarmed). My dear boy, I didn’t know . . . I didn’t even notice . . .
IVANOV. God forbid, but if that old baby should die, you’re not the one who’ll feel bad, I am . . . What do you want?. . . .
LEBEDEV. You see, my dear friend. I don’t know how to begin, so that it doesn’t sound so heartless . . . Nikolasha, I’m embarrassed, I’m blushing, my tongue’s twisted, but, dear boy, put yourself in my place, bear in mind that I’m a man under orders, a flunky, a doormat . . . Do forgive me . . .
IVANOV. What do you mean?
LEBEDEV. The wife sent me . . . Do me a favor, be a friend, pay her the interest! You wouldn’t believe how she’s nagged, worn me down, tortured the life out of me! Get her off your back, for heaven’s sake! . . .
IVANOV. Pasha, you know I haven’t got any money right now.
LEBEDEV. I know, I know, but what am I to do? She won’t wait. If she sues you for defaulting, how can Shurochka and I look you in the face again?
IVANOV. I’m embarrassed myself. Pasha, I’d be glad if the earth swallowed me up, but . . . but where am I get it? Teach me, where? The only thing left is to wait for autumn when I can sell the wheat.
LEBEDEV (shouts). She won’t wait!
Pause.
IVANOV. Your position is an unpleasant one, a delicate one, but mine’s even worse. (Walks and thinks.) And one can’t come up with anything . . . There’s nothing left to sell . . .
LEBEDEV. You should ride over to Mühlbach, ask him, after all he owes you sixteen thousand.
IVANOV waves his hand in hopeless dismissal.
Here’s how it is, Nikolasha . . . I know you’ll start swearing, but . . . respect an old boozehound! Between friends . . . Regard me as a friend . . . You and I are both students, liberals . . . Mutual ideas and interests . . . Both alumni of Moscow U. . . . Alma mater . . . (Takes out his wallet.) I’ve got some money stashed away, not a soul at home knows about it. Take a loan . . . (Takes out money and puts it on the desk.) Pocket your pride, and take it for friendship’s sake . . . I’d take it from you, word of honor . . .
Pause.
There it is on the desk: one thousand one hundred. You ride over there today and hand it to her in person. “There you are,” say, “Zinaida Savishna, I hope it chokes you!” Only don’t give any clue that you borrowed it from me, God forbid! Otherwise I’ll never hear the end of it from Gooseberry Preserves! (Stares into Ivanov’s face.) There, there, don’t be like that! (Quickly takes the money off the desk and puts it in his pocket.) Don’t! I was joking . . . Forgive me, for Christ’s sake!
Pause.
Your heart is aching?
IVANOV waves his hand in dismissal.
Yes, business. . . . (Sighs.) A time of grief and sorrow has come to you. A man, my good friend, is like a samovar. It doesn’t always stand in a shady spot on the shelf, but sometimes it’s heated with burning coals: psh . . . psh! That simile isn’t worth a damn, well, let someone smarter come up with a better one . . . (Sighs.) Misery hardens the heart. I don’t feel sorry for you, Nikolasha, you’ll land on your feet, the pain will lessen but I’m offended, my boy, and annoyed by other people . . . Do me a favor, tell me what’s the reason for all this gossip? There’s so much gossip circulating about you in the district, my boy, watch out, our friend the district attorney might pay you a visit . . . You’re a murderer and a blood-sucker and a thief and a traitor . . .
IVANOV. It’s all rubbish, now I’ve got a headache.
LEBEDEV. All because you think too much.
IVANOV. I don’t think at all.
LEBEDEV. Well, Nikolasha, don’t you give a damn about all that and come and see us. Shurochka’s fond of you, she understands and appreciates you. She’s a decent, good person, Nikolasha. Nothing like her mother and father, but I guess some young fellow came passing by . . . I look at her sometimes, pal, and I can’t believe that a bottle-nosed drunkard like me has such a treasure. Drop by, talk to her about clever things and — it’ll cheer you up. She’s an honest, sincere person . . .
Pause.
IVANOV. Pasha, dear man, leave me alone . . .
LEBEDEV. I understand, I understand . . . (Hastily looks at his watch.) I understand. (Kisses Ivanov.) Good-bye. I still have to go to the dedication of a school.[45] (Goes to the door and stops.) A clever girl . . . Yesterday Shurochka and I started talking about the gossip. (Laughs.) And she blurted out an aphorism: “Papa dear,” she says, “glowworms glow in the dark only to make it easier for night birds to see them and eat them, and good people exist so that there can be slander and gossip.” How do you like that? A genius, a George Sand![46