REVUNOV. Hired? . . . Paid? . . . What is this?
APLOMBOV. Excuse me, just a second . . . you did receive twenty-five rubles from Andrey Andreevich, didn’t you?
REVUNOV. What twenty-five rubles? (Realizing.) So that’s it! Now I understand it all . . . How disgusting! How disgusting!
APLOMBOV. You did take the money, didn’t you?
REVUNOV. I never took any money! Get away from me! (Moves away from the table.) How disgusting! How revolting! To insult an old man this way, a navy man, an officer who’s seen active duty! . . . If you were respectable people, I could challenge someone to a duel, but now what can I do? (In despair.) Where’s the door? How do I get out? Waiter, show me the way out! Waiter!14 (Going out.) How revolting! How disgusting! (Exits.)
NASTASYA TIMOFEEVNA. Andryusha sweetie, where’s the twenty-five rubles?
NYUNIN. Why bother discussing such trifles? Big deal! Everyone else is enjoying himself, but who the hell knows what you’re on about . . . (Shouts.) To the health of the happy couple! Band, play a march! Band!
The band plays a march.
NYUNIN. To the newlyweds’ health!
ZMEYUKINA. I’m suffocating! I need atmosphere! I start to suffocate whenever I’m near you.
YAT (in ecstasy). Spectacular woman! Spectacular!
Noise.
BEST MAN (trying to make himself heard). My good friends! On this day of days, so to speak . . .
Curtain
VARIANTS TO
The Wedding
Lines come from the two surviving manuscript copies.
page 567 / After: Does that mean we’re stingy? — Do me a favor, at least a whole regiment.
page 567 / After: You want a General, you’ll get a General — We’ll provide it all . . . And if not, then it means Andrey Andreich didn’t find a suitable one. It should be time to sit down to supper . . . Twelve o’clock.
page 567 / After: Didn’t you realize it would get on my nerves? —
NASTASYA TIMOFEEVNA. We didn’t invite him, dearie. He came on his own.
APLOMBOV. He’d better not make a scene or else he’ll learn from me what it’s like to come uninvited.
page 568 / After: M’sewers, promenade! — Donay mwa toozhoor!
page 569 / After: have you got senior civil servants too? —
YAT. Why, I’ll bet that in Greece there aren’t such beautiful parties of the female sex as certain individuals . . .
page 570 / Replace: Wonderful woman! I’m in love! Head over heels in love!
with: A midwife, no looks to speak of, but give her the once-over, what manners! Right away an obvious aristocrat!
page 571 / After: Squeezing the last drop out of him — They should all be hanged.
page 573 / After: A sign of feebleminded psychiatrics, that’s all! —
MOZGOVOY (rising). Ladies and gentlemen! Allow me to say the following. Anna Martynovna is in arrears! When we played forfeits, it fell out that she had to kiss the man who was the most dark-haired of them all. The most dark-haired of us all was Lapkin, but he got embarrassed and left. Now Anna Martynovna really has to pick out another dark-haired man and do what needs to be done . . .
EVERYONE. Yes, yes . . . Of course, of course!
ZMEYUKINA. How silly! Leave off!
MOZGOVOY. Who is the darkest of us all?
BEST MAN. Kharlampy Spiridonych!
EVERYONE. Yes, yes! Please, Kharlampy Spiridonych!
ZMEYUKINA. I don’t want to kiss! (Hides her face behind a napkin.)
YAT. No-o, ma’am, no-o, ma’am, Anna Martynovna, please don’t be evasive . . . Have a heart, ma’am!
DYMBA (confused). Why is what? I notting . . .
ZMEYUKINA. Really, I don’t even understand . . . It’s even strange . . . (Aside.) He’s so handsome! Such eyes!
YAT (rubbing his hands). No-o, no-o! You have to!
A fanfare.
ZMEYUKINA. Now what? If that was the forfeit that fell to me, then if you please, but . . . it’s even extravagantly . . .
Exchanges kisses with Dymba. The kiss is prolonged. DYMBA, whose lips were stuck to Zmeyukina’s, staggers back and keeps his balance with his arms.
YAT (anxious). That’s very long! Enough! All right!
EVERYONE (anxious). Enough!
DYMBA (tearing himself away from Zmeyukina). Oof! Why is what? This is who . . . I not understanding.
YAT
together.
She’s faint! Water! Faint!
MOZGOVOY
YAT (giving Zmeyukina water, aside). Right away it’s obvious she’s an aristocrat! (To her.) Calm down! I implore you . . . That’s right . . . She’s opened her eyes . . . (Aside.) Quite the aristocrat!
ZMEYUKINA (coming to herself). Where am I? In what atmosphere am I? Where is he? (To Dymba.) You demon! You have set me afire with your kiss!
DYMBA (confused). Why is what? I notting . . .
page 573 / After: in Russia is such a pipples, and in Griss is such a pipples . . . — Is good! So is what?
page 574 / After: not infantry, but navy! — I controlled the seas and commanded the storms.
page 575 / After: Be so kind! — (Aside.) But what a scrawny, what a shop-soiled! Not even any epaulets . . . Well, at least there are lots of medals! (To him.)
page 576 / Replace: Yes . . . Serving in the navy was always tough . . . Never fear, your sailor gets the drift!
with: I guess it’s all newfangled nowadays, not the way it was with us . . . It wasn’t all peaches and cream, cushy . . . However, the naval service was always a tough one. It had nothing to do with the infantry, or, let’s say, the cavalry . . . There’s no brainwork to the infantry . . .There even a peasant can figure out what’s what . . . You know it yourself: left-right, left-right, or form fours, or right turn! But what you and I were up against, young man, no sir! You’re joking! You and I have to think things out and cudgel our brains. The least little word has, so to speak, its secret . . . eh . . . conundrum! For example: topmen to the shrouds, fore- and mainsails! . . . What does that mean? Why, it means that whoever’s assigned to look after the topsails, has to find himself without fail at that time at the top, otherwise you have to give the order: cross-treemen to the shrouds! There’s another meaning as well . . .
page 578 / Replace: (not hearing) . . . I was recalling the olden days . . .
with: You don’t understand because these are . . . terms! Of course! But the young man understands. Yes . . . I was reminiscing about old times with him . . .
page 578 / Replace: (not hearing). No thanks, I’ve eaten . . . We’ve managed to bring her about!