FYODOR IVANOVICH. Plop! take a nosedive into a whirlpool, so that Herr Professor and the rest of us throw up our hands in amazement!
VOINITSKY. A water nymph, eh? Love while the loving is good!34
YELENA ANDREEVNA. And what do you know about it? As if I weren’t aware without your help how I should live, if I had my way! I would fly like an uncaged bird away from you all, from your drowsy expressions, boring, idle chatter, forget that you even exist, and then no one would dare teach me lessons. But I have no will of my own. I’m a coward, inhibited, and I go on thinking that if I were unfaithful, all wives would take an example from me and leave their husbands, God would punish me and my conscience would torment me, otherwise I’d show you what a free life is all about! (Exits.)
ORLOVSKY. A darling, a beauty . . .
VOINITSKY. I think I’m about to despise that woman! Inhibited as a young virgin, but philosophizes like an old deacon, a paragon of virtue! Sour grapes! Curdled cream!
ORLOVSKY. That’ll do, that’ll do . . . Where’s the professor now?
VOINITSKY. In his study. Writing.
ORLOVSKY. He sent me a letter to come here on some business natter. Do you know what the business is?
VOINITSKY. He has no business. He writes drivel, moans and groans and oozes envy, that’s all.
ZHELTUKHIN and YULYA enter from the door at right.
IV
The same, ZHELTUKHIN, and YULYA.
ZHELTUKHIN. Good afternoon, gentlemen! (Exchanges greetings.)
YULYA. Good afternoon, godfather dear! (Exchanges kisses.) Good afternoon, Fedenka. (Exchanges kisses.) Good afternoon, Yegor Petrovich! (Exchanges kisses.)
ZHELTUKHIN. Is Aleksandr Vladimirovich in?
ORLOVSKY. He is. He’s in his study.
ZHELTUKHIN. I have to see him. He wrote me about some business deal . . . (Exits.)
YULYA. Yegor Petrovich, did you get the buckwheat yesterday you sent that note about?
VOINITSKY. Thank you, I did. How much do we owe you? We had a delivery of something else from you last spring, I don’t remember what . . . We’ll have to settle up. I can’t stand disorderly accounts and postponed payments.
YULYA. Last spring we delivered sixty-four bushels of rye, Yegor Petrovich, two heifers, a bull-calf, and your farmhands sent for some butter.
VOINITSKY. How much do we owe you?
YULYA. How can I tell you? I can’t say without an abacus.
VOINITSKY. I’ll get an abacus right away, if that’s what you need . . . (Exits and immediately returns with an abacus.)
ORLOVSKY. Sweetie-pie, how’s your brother-man?
YULYA. Fine, thank God. Godfather dear, where did you buy that necktie?
ORLOVSKY. In town, at Kirpichyov’s.
YULYA. It’s handsome. I’ll have to buy Lyonechka one just like it.
VOINITSKY. Here’s the abacus you wanted.
YULYA sits down and clicks the beads on the abacus.
ORLOVSKY. What a housekeeper God bestowed on Lyonya! A mere dot of a thing, invisible to the naked eye, but look how she works! Just look!
FYODOR IVANOVICH. Yes, while he just walks around pressing his cheek. The loafer . . .
ORLOVSKY. My cape-ricious darling . . . You know, she really does wear a cape. Last Friday I was walking around the bazaar, and she was over near the wagons in a cape . . .
YULYA. You’ve mixed me all up.
VOINITSKY. Let’s go somewhere else, gentlemen. The reception room or somewhere. I’m sick and tired of this place . . . (Yawns.)
ORLOVSKY. The reception room it is . . . I couldn’t care less.
They go out through the door at left.
YULYA (alone, after a pause). Fedya dressed up like a Chechen35. . . That’s what happens when parents don’t raise them properly . . . There’s no better-looking man in all the district, intelligent, rich, and good for absolutely nothing . . . A perfect fool . . . (Clicks beads on the abacus.)
Enter SONYA.
V
YULYA and SONYA.
SONYA. You’re here, Yulechka? I didn’t know . . .
YULYA (exchanges kisses). My dear!
SONYA. What are you doing here? Accounts? What a good housekeeper you are, it even makes me jealous . . . Yulechka, why aren’t you married?
YULYA. Well . . . They sent a matchmaker to me, but I turned them down. They can’t match me up with a decent suitor! (Sighs.) No!
SONYA. Why not?
YULYA. I’m an uneducated girl. I was just in my second year in high school, when they took me out!
SONYA. Why did they take you out, Yulechka?
YULYA. For incompetence.
SONYA laughs.
Why are you laughing, Sonechka?
SONYA. Something odd is going through my mind . . . Yulechka, I’m so happy today, so happy, that this happiness is beginning to bore me . . . I don’t know what to do with myself . . . Well, let’s talk about something else, let’s . . . Were you ever in love?
YULYA nods her head Yes.
Really? Is he interesting?
YULYA whispers in her ear.
Who? Fyodor Ivanych?
YULYA (nods her head yes). What about you?
SONYA. I am too . . . only not with Fyodor Ivanych. (Laughs.) Well, tell me more.
YULYA. For a long time now I’ve needed to talk to you, Sonechka.
SONYA. Please do.
YULYA. I want to explain something. You see . . . I’ve always felt a spiritual bond with you . . . I’m friends with lots of girls, but you’re the best of them all . . . If you were to say, “Yulechka, give me ten horses or, say, two hundred sheep,” I’d do it with pleasure . . . I would refuse you nothing . . .
SONYA. What’s making you embarrassed, Yulechka?
YULYA. I’m ashamed . . . I . . . I feel a spiritual bond with you . . . you’re the best of them all . . . not proud . . . What a pretty little cotton print you’re got on!
SONYA. We’ll talk about the print later . . . Go on . . .
YULYA (getting excited). I don’t know the clever way to put this . . . May I suggest that you . . . make me happy . . . I mean . . . I mean . . . I mean . . . by marrying Lyonechka. (Hides her face.)
SONYA (getting up). Let’s not talk about it, Yulechka . . . We mustn’t, we mustn’t . . .
Enter YELENA ANDREEVNA.
VI
The same and YELENA ANDREEVNA.
YELENA ANDREEVNA. There’s absolutely nowhere to go to. Both Orlovskys and Georges are strolling around the house, and wherever you go, they’re always there. It’s getting to be simply tiresome. What do they want? They should take a drive somewhere.
YULYA (through tears). Good afternoon, Yelena Andreevna! (Wants to exchange kisses.)