ORLOVSKY. So that’s what that song and dance was all about. (Roars with laughter.)
DYADIN. It’s fascinating!
SONYA (to Orlovsky). Go away, godfather dear. (To Khrushchov.) Yes, yes, only the truth and nothing more . . . Talk to me, talk . . . I have told you everything . . .
KHRUSHCHOV (embracing her). My dove!
SONYA. Don’t go away, godfather dear . . . When you declared your love to me, I was breathless with joy the whole time, but I was shackled by prejudices; I was prevented from telling you my true feelings by the same thing that now prevents my father from smiling at Yelena. Now I’m free . . .
ORLOVSKY (roars with laughter). They’re singing in tune, at last! Scrambled on to the shore! I am pleased to congratulate you. (Bowing low.) Ah, you, naughty, naughty! Wasting time chasing one another’s tails!
DYADIN (embracing Khrushchov). Mishenka, dovie, I’m delighted! Mishenka!
ORLOVSKY (embracing and kissing Sonya). Darling, my little canary bird . . . My little god-daughter . . .
SONYA bursts out laughing.
Well, there she goes again!
KHRUSHCHOV. Excuse me, I can’t come to my senses . . . Let me talk to her a while . . . Don’t stand in our way . . . Please, leave us . . .
FYODOR IVANOVICH and YULYA enter.
XII
The same, FYODOR IVANOVICH, and YULYA.
YULYA. But after all, Fedenka, you never stop talking nonsense! You never stop talking nonsense!
ORLOVSKY. Sssh! Quiet, kiddies! Here comes my buccaneer. Let’s hide, my friends, quick! Please!
ORLOVSKY, DYADIN, KHRUSHCHOV, and SONYA hide.
FYODOR IVANOVICH. I left my whip and gloves here.
YULYA. You never stop talking nonsense!
FYODOR IVANOVICH. All right, I’m talking nonsense . . . What of it? I don’t want to ride to your place right now . . . Let’s go for a walk, and then we’ll have something to eat.
YULYA. You are a true pain in the neck! Sheer torture! (Claps her hands.) Why, what a fool that Waffles is! The table still hasn’t been cleared! Someone could steal the samovar . . . Ah, Waffles, Waffles, you may be old, but you’ve got fewer brains than a baby!
DYADIN (aside). Thank you kindly.
YULYA. As we came by, there was someone laughing here . . .
FYODOR IVANOVICH. It’s the peasant women going for a swim . . . (Picks up a glove.) Here’s somebody’s glove . . . Sonya’s . . . Today Sonya was bitten by a bug. In love with the Wood Goblin. She’s smitten with him up to her eyebrows, but he, the blockhead, doesn’t see it.
YULYA (angrily). Where are we going then?
FYODOR IVANOVICH. To the dam . . . Let’s go for a walk . . . There’s no prettier spot in the whole district . . . Beautiful!
ORLOVSKY (aside). My sonny-boy, a good-looker, with that bushy beard . . .
YULYA. I just heard a voice.
FYODOR IVANOVICH. “Nature’s wonderful works, where the wood goblin lurks, and the water nymphs perch in the branches . . .”51 That’s it to a T, uncle! (Claps her on the shoulder.)
YULYA. I’m not your uncle.
FYODOR IVANOVICH. Let us reason in peace. Listen, Yulechka. I’ve gone through hell and high water . . . I’m already thirty-five, and I have no vocation, except as a lieutenant in the Serbian military and a noncom in the Russian reserves. I dangle between heaven and earth . . . I have to change my way of life, and you know . . . you understand, now I’ve got this notion in my head that if I do get married, my whole life will be turned around . . . Marry me, eh? It might as well be you as anyone else . . .
YULYA (embarrassed). Hm . . . well, you see . . . you’ve got to reform first, Fedenka.
FYODOR IVANOVICH. Come on, don’t haggle like a gypsy! A straight answer!
YULYA. I’m ashamed . . . (Looking around.) Hold on, someone might come in or overhear us . . . I think Waffles is looking out the window.
FYODOR IVANOVICH. Nobody’s there.
YULYA (flings herself around his neck). Fedenka!
SONYA bursts out laughing; ORLOVSKY, DYADIN, and KHRUSHCHOV laugh loudly, clap their hands, and shout: “Bravo! Bravo!”
FYODOR IVANOVICH. Phew! Scared the stuffing out of me! Where did you pop up from?
SONYA. Yulechka, congratulations! Me too, me too!
Laughter, kisses, noise.
DYADIN. This is fascinating! This is fascinating!
Curtain
VARIANTS TO
The Wood Goblin
From the censor’s manuscript.
ACT ONE
page 588 / After: (Lays her head on his breast) — I’ll go and bring you back a gift. I’ll go and get it.
page 589 / After: if that’s the way they want it! — (Annoyed.)
page 590 / After: Sergey Nikodimych! — Vasily, call in the guests!
page 590 / Replace: Please do. (Near the appetizers.)
with: Sit down, gentlemen, please. Many are called but few are chosen.
page 590 / After: That shouldn’t happen. The turkey is a delicate fowl. —
YULYA. Of course, they’re not geese. Geese take no work, but with turkeys you have keep a sharp lookout.
page 590 / After: Stop that, Waffles! I can’t stand it! —
YULYA. Eat, gentlemen, don’t stand on ceremony. Be so kind! Godfather dear, eat something! Let me serve you this tiny little sardine!
ORLOVSKY. Thank you, my girl, I’ll eat it.
page 591 / After: What a darling, what a dear . . . —
VOINITSKY. Time and again it’s a quarrel over the professor. They stop talking to one another and they snarl at one another, like mice in a sack of groats. Sometimes Sonichka doesn’t call her Yelena Andreevna, but “that woman” or “a certain person,” and the professor pretends not to notice it.
ORLOVSKY. That’s peculiar.
page 591 / Before: Just think about the luck he’s had! — I don’t know another man that lucky!
page 592 / After: you’ve seen her — young, charming, poetical, gracious —
page 592 / Replace: at least drop in for dinner . . . All right . . . (Exits.)
with: at least stop by for dinner . . . Please.
YULYA. All right. (Exits.)
ZHELTUKHIN (comes back to the table). I owe you an apology, Ivan Ivanovich. Last Sunday you celebrated a school opening, but I couldn’t come, word of honor. All day long my shoulder was aching. Thank you, my dear fellow, sincerely. (Extends his hand.)