TUSENBACH. I’ve turned in my resignation. Basta! For five years I kept turning it over in my mind and finally I came to a decision. I shall go to work.
SOLYONY (declaiming). “Contain your wrath, Aleko . . . Forget, forget your dreams . . .”
While they talk, ANDREY enters with a book and sits by the candles.
TUSENBACH. I shall go to work.
CHEBUTYKIN (going into the drawing-room with IRINA). And the refreshments were also authentic Caucasian dishes: onion soup and for the roast—chekhartma, a meat dish.
SOLYONY. Cheremsha42 isn’t meat at all, but a vegetable related to our onion.
CHEBUTYKIN. No sir, angel mine. Chekhartma is not an onion, but roast mutton.
SOLYONY. And I tell you, cheremsha is onion.
CHEBUTYKIN. And I tell you, chekhartma is mutton.
SOLYONY. And I tell you, cheremsha is onion.
CHEBUTYKIN. Why should I argue with you? You were never in the Caucasus and never ate chekhartma.
SOLYONY. I never ate it, because I can’t stand it. Cheremsha reeks as badly as garlic.
ANDREY (pleading). That’s enough, gentlemen! For pity’s sake!
TUSENBACH. When do the masqueraders get here?
IRINA. They promised to be here by nine, which means any minute now.
TUSENBACH (embraces Andrey). “Ah, you gates, my gates, new gates . . .”
ANDREY (dances and sings). “New gates, made of maple . . .”
CHEBUTYKIN (dances). “Lattice-grates upon my gates!”43
Laughter.
TUSENBACH (kisses Andrey). Damn it, let’s have a drink. Andryusha, let’s drink to being old pals. And I’m going with you, Andryusha, to Moscow, to the university.
SOLYONY. Which one? In Moscow there are two universities.
ANDREY. In Moscow there is one university.
SOLYONY. And I tell you — two.
ANDREY. Make it three. The more the merrier.
SOLYONY. In Moscow there are two universities! (Grumbling and hissing.) In Moscow there are two universities: the old one and the new one. And if you don’t enjoy listening to me, if my words annoy you, then I can stop talking. I can even go off into another room . . . (Exits through one of the doors.)
TUSENBACH. Bravo, bravo! (Laughs.) Gentlemen, proceed, I shall commence to play! Laughable that Solyony . . . (Sits down at the baby grand, plays a waltz.)
MASHA (dances a waltz by herself). Baron’s drunk, Baron’s drunk, Baron’s drunk!
Enter NATASHA.
NATASHA (to Chebutykin). Ivan Romanych! (Mentions something to Chebu-tykin, then quietly exits. )
CHEBUTYKIN taps Tusenbach on the shoulder and whispers something to him.
IRINA. What is it?
CHEBUTYKIN. Time for us to go. Be well.
TUSENBACH. Good night. Time to go.
IRINA. Excuse me . . . But what about the masqueraders? . . .
ANDREY (embarrassed). There won’t be any masqueraders. You see, my dear, Natasha says that Bobik isn’t very well, and so . . . To make a long story short, I don’t know anything about it, it doesn’t matter to me in the least.
IRINA (shrugging). Bobik isn’t well!
MASHA. Now we’ve had it! They’re kicking us out, so I suppose we’ve got to go. (To Irina.) It’s not Bobik that’s sick, it’s her . . . Here! (Taps her forehead with a finger.) Small-town slut!44
ANDREY exits through the door right, to his room, CHEBUTYKIN follows him; those in the reception room say good-bye.
FEDOTIK. What a shame! I’d counted on spending a full night here, but if the little baby’s ill, then, of course . . . Tomorrow I’ll bring him a little toy . . .
RODÉ (loudly). I deliberately took a nap after dinner today, I thought I’d be up all night dancing. After all, it’s only nine o’clock now!
MASHA. Let’s go out in the street and discuss it there. We’ll come up with something to do.
“Good-bye! Keep well!” can be heard, as well as the merry laughter of TUSENBACH. ANFISA and the PARLOR MAID clear the table and extinguish the lights. The nursemaid can be heard singing. Enter quietly ANDREY in an overcoat and hat and CHEBUTYKIN.
CHEBUTYKIN. I didn’t have a chance to get married, because life flashed by me like a streak of lightning, and besides I was madly in love with your dear mother, who was married already . . .
ANDREY. There’s no reason to get married. No reason, because it’s a bore.
CHEBUTYKIN. That may be so, but then there’s the loneliness. However much you philosophize, loneliness is a terrible thing, my boy . . . Although, basically . . . Of course, it doesn’t matter!
ANDREY. Let’s go quickly.
CHEBUTYKIN. What’s the rush? We’ve got time.
ANDREY. I’m afraid the wife might stop me.
CHEBUTYKIN. Ah!
ANDREY. I won’t play tonight, I’ll just sit and watch. I don’t feel well . . . Doctor, what should I take for shortness of breath?
CHEBUTYKIN. Why ask! I don’t remember, my boy. I don’t know.
ANDREY. Let’s go through the kitchen.
They leave.
The doorbell rings, then rings again: voices and laughter are heard.
IRINA (enters). What’s that?
ANFISA (in a whisper). Masqueraders!
The doorbell.
IRINA. Nanny dear, say no one’s at home. Make excuses.
ANFISA exits. IRINA walks about the room in a revery; she is on edge. Enter SOLYONY.
SOLYONY (bewildered). No one’s here . . . But where are they all?
IRINA. They went home.
SOLYONY. Strange. You’re alone here?
IRINA. Alone. (Pause.) Good-bye.
SOLYONY. A while ago I behaved without proper restraint and discretion. But you aren’t like the rest, you’re exalted and pure, you can discern the truth . . . You alone, only you can understand me. I love, I love profoundly, incessantly . . .
IRINA. Good-bye! Go away.
SOLYONY. I can’t live without you. (Following her around.) Oh, my heaven on earth! (Plaintively.) Oh, happiness! exquisite, wonderful, bewitching eyes, I’ve never seen their like in any other woman . . .
IRINA (coldly). Stop it, Vasily Vasilich!
SOLYONY. This is the first time I’m talking to you of love, and it’s exactly like being out of this world, on another planet. (Rubs his forehead.) Well, still, it doesn’t matter. You can’t be compelled to care for me, of course . . . But I won’t tolerate any successful rivals . . . Won’t tolerate it . . . I swear to you by all that’s holy, I’ll kill any rival . . . Oh, wonderful woman!