ANYA. The house we live in hasn’t been our house for a long time, and I’ll go away, I give you my word.
TROFIMOV. If you have the housekeeper’s keys, throw them down the well and go away. Be free as the wind.
ANYA (enraptured). You speak so well!
TROFIMOV. Believe me, Anya, believe! I’m not yet thirty, I’m young. I’m still a student, but I’ve already undergone so much! When winter comes, I’m starved, sick, anxious, poor as a beggar and—where haven’t I been chased by Fate, where haven’t I been! And yet always, every moment of the day and night, my soul has been full of inexplicable foreboding. I foresee happiness, Anya, I can see it already . . .
ANYA (dreamily). The moon’s on the rise.
We can hear YEPIKHODOV playing the same gloomy tune as before on his guitar. The moon comes up. Somewhere near the poplars VARYA is looking for Anya and calling, “Anya! Where are you?”
TROFIMOV. Yes, the moon’s on the rise.
Pause.
Here’s happiness, here it comes, drawing closer and closer, I can already hear its footsteps. And if we don’t see it, can’t recognize it, what’s wrong with that? Others will see it!
VARYA’S VOICE. Anya! Where are you?
TROFIMOV. That Varya again! (Angrily.) Aggravating!
ANYA. So what? Let’s go down to the river. It’s nice there.
TROFIMOV. Let’s go.
They leave.
Varya’s voice: “Anya! Anya!”
Curtain
ACT THREE
The drawing-room, separated from the ballroom by an arch. A chandelier is alight. We can hear a Jewish orchestra, the same one mentioned in Act Two, playing in the hallway. Evening. Grandrond is being danced in the ballroom. SIMEONOV-PISHCHIK’s voice: “Promenade a une paire!” The drawing-room is entered by: the first couple PISHCHIK and CHARLOTTA IVANOVNA, the second TROFIMOV and LYUBOV ANDREEVNA, the third ANYA and the POSTAL CLERK, the fourth VARYA and the STATION MASTER, etc. VARYA is weeping quietly and, as she dances, wipes away the tears. In the last couple DUNYASHA. They go around and through the drawing-room. PISHCHIK calls out: “Grand-rond, balangez!” and “Les cavaliers a genoux et remerciez vos dames!”53
FIRS in a tailcoat crosses the room with a seltzer bottle on a tray. PISHCHIK and TROFIMOV enter the room.
PISHCHIK. I’ve got high blood pressure, I’ve already had two strokes, it’s tough dancing, but, as the saying goes, when you run with the pack, whether you bark or not, keep on wagging your tail. Actually, I’ve got the constitution of a horse. My late father, what a card, rest in peace, used to talk of our ancestry as if our venerable line, the Simeonov-Pishchiks, was descended from the very same horse Caligula made a senator . . .54 (Sits down.) But here’s the problem: no money! A hungry dog believes only in meat . . . (Snores and immediately wakes up.) Just like me . . . I can’t think of anything but money . . .
TROFIMOV. As a matter of fact, your build has something horsey about it.
PISHCHIK. So what . . . a horse is a noble beast . . . you could sell a horse . . .
We hear billiards played in the next room. VARYA appears in the archway to the ballroom.
TROFIMOV (teasing). Madam Lopakhin! Madam Lopakhin!
VARYA (angrily). Scruffy gent!
TROFIMOV. Yes, I’m a scruffy gent and proud of it!
VARYA (brooding bitterly). Here we’ve hired musicians and what are we going to pay them with? (Exits.)
TROFIMOV (to Píshchík). If the energy you’ve wasted in the course of a lifetime tracking down money to pay off interest had been harnessed to something else, you probably, ultimately could have turned the world upside-down.
PISHCHIK. Nietzsche . . . a philosopher . . . the greatest, most famous . . . a man of immense intellect, says in his works that it’s all right to counterfeit money.
TROFIMOV. So you’ve read Nietzsche?55
PISHCHIK. Well . . . Dashenka told me. But now I’m such straits that if it came to counterfeiting money . . . Day after tomorrow three hundred rubles to pay . . . I’ve already borrowed a hundred and thirty . . . (Feeling his pockets, alarmed.) The money’s gone! I’ve lost the money! (Through tears.) Where’s the money? (Gleefully.) Here it is, in the lining . . . I was really sweating for a minute . . .
Enter LYUBOV ANDREEVNA and CHARLOTTA IVANOVNA.
LYUBOV ANDREEVNA (humming a lezginka).56 Why is Lyonya taking so long? What’s he doing in town? (To Dunyasha.) Dunyasha, offer the musicians some tea . . .
TROFIMOV. The auction didn’t take place, in all likelihood.
LYUBOV ANDREEVNA. And the musicians showed up at the wrong time and we scheduled the ball for the wrong time . . . Well, never mind . . . (Sits down and hums softly.)
CHARLOTTA (hands Pishchik a deck of cards). Here’s a deck of cards for you, think of a card, any card.
PISHCHIK. I’ve got one.
CHARLOTTA. Now shuffle the deck. Very good. Hand it over, oh my dear Mister Pishchik. Ein, zwei, drei!57 Now look for it, it’s in your side pocket . . .
PISHCHIK (pulling a card from his side pocket). Eight of spades, absolutely right! (Astounded.) Can you imagine!
CHARLOTTA (holds deck of cards on her palm, to Trofimov). Tell me quick, which card’s on top?
TROFIMOV. What? Why, the queen of spades.
CHARLOTTA. Right! (To Pishchik.) Well? Which card’s on top?
PISHCHIK. The ace of hearts.
CHARLOTTA. Right! (Claps her hand over her palm, the deck of cards disappears.) Isn’t it lovely weather today!
She is answered by a mysterious female voice, as if from beneath the floor: “Oh yes, marvelous weather, Madam.”
You’re so nice, my ideal . . .
Voice: “Madam, I been liking you very much too.”58
STATION MASTER (applauding). Lady ventriloquist, bravo!
PISHCHIK (astounded). Can you imagine! Bewitching Charlotta Ivanovna . . . I’m simply in love with you . . .
CHARLOTTA. In love? (Shrugging.) What do you know about love? Guter Mensch, aber schlechter Musikant.59
TROFIMOV (claps Pishchik on the shoulder). Good old horse . . .
CHARLOTTA. Your attention please, one more trick. (Takes a laprug from a chair.) Here is a very nice rug. I’d like to sell it . . . (Shakes it out.) What am I offered?
PISHCHIK (astounded). Can you imagine!
CHARLOTTA. Ein, zwei, drei! (Quickly lifts the lowered rug.)