VOINITSEV. No, don’t worry! (Laughs.) It’s a little business deal . . . There’ll be an auction, and Glagolyev will buy our estate. Porfiry Semyonych will free us from the bank, and we’ll pay him, not the bank, the interest. It was his bright idea.
PLATONOV. I don’t understand. What’s in it for him? He’s not donating it to you, is he? I don’t understand this sort of donation, and you hardly . . . need it.
VOINITSEV. No . . . Actually, I don’t quite understand it myself . . . Ask maman, she’ll explain it . . . I just know that after the sale the estate will remain ours and that we’ll be paying off Glagolyev. Maman will immediately give him her five thousand as a down payment. Anyway, it’s not as easy to do business with the bank as it is with him. Ugh, I’m so fed up with that bank! Triletsky isn’t as fed up with you as I’m fed up with that bank! Let’s forget about business! (Takes Platonov by the arm.) Let’s go and drink to good feelings, my friends! Nikolay Ivanych! Let’s go, pal! (Takes Triletsky by the arm.) Let’s drink to our good relations, friends! Let fate take everything I own! All these business deals be damned! So long as the people I love are alive and well, you and my Sonya and my stepmother! My life is bound up in you! Let’s go!
PLATONOV. I’m coming. I’ll drink to it all and I suppose I’ll drink it all! It’s a long time since I’ve been drunk, and I’d like to get drunk.
ANNA PETROVNA (in the doorway). O friendship, ‘tis of thee! A lovely troika! (Drinks.) “Shall I harness to the troika swift . . .”
TRILETSKY. “Chestnut steeds . . .” Let’s start on the cognac, boys!
ANNA PETROVNA (in the doorway). Go on and eat, you scroungers! It’s all gone cold!
PLATONOV. Ugh, O friendship, ‘tis of thee! I was always lucky in love, but never lucky in friendship. I am afraid, gentlemen, that you may come to grief on account of my friendship! Let’s drink to the prosperous outcome of all friendships, ours included! May it end as calmly and gradually as it began! (They exit into the dining room.)
End of Act One
ACT TWO
TABLEAU ONE
The garden. Downstage a flowerbed with a little path around it. In the middle of the flowerbed a statue. On the statue’s head a lampion. Benches, chairs, little tables. At right the facade of the house. Porch steps. The windows are open. From the windows waft laughter, talk, the sounds of a piano and violin (a quadrille, waltzes, and so on). Upstage of the garden a Chinese gazebo, adorned with lanterns. Over the entrance to the gazebo a monogram with the letters “S. V.” Behind the gazebo a game of skittles is being played; we can hear the balls rolling and exclamations of “Five down! Four to go!” etc. The garden and the house are lit up. Guests and servants scurry about the garden. VASILY and YAKOV (in black tailcoats, drunk) are hanging lanterns and lighting lampions.
SCENE I
BUGROV and TRILETSKY (in a peaked cap with a cockade).
TRILETSKY (enters from the house, arm in arm with Bugrov). Come on, Tim-ofey Gordeich! What’s it cost you to let me have it? After all, it’s only a loan I’m asking for!
BUGROV. Honest to goodness, I can’t, sir! Please don’t be offended, Nikolay Ivanych!
TRILETSKY. You can, Timofey Gordeich! You can do anything! You can buy the whole universe and buy it back again, only you don’t want to! It’s a loan I’m asking for, isn’t it! Do you understand, you crackpot! Word of honor, I won’t pay it back!
BUGROV. You see, sir, you see, sir? You’ve blurted out I won’t get repaid!
TRILETSKY. I see nothing! All I see is your heartlessness. Let me have it, great man! You won’t? Let me have it, I tell you! I’m pleading, you’ve got me imploring you! Can you really be so heartless? Where is your heart?
BUGROV (sighs). Eh-heh-heh, Nikolay Ivanych! When it comes to treating patients, you don’t treat ‘em, but you do take your fee . . .
TRILETSKY. You said it! (Sighs.) You’re right.
BUGROV (pulls out his wallet). And the way you’re always sneering . . . The least little thing, and it’s: ha, ha, ha! How can you? You really shouldn’t . . . Maybe we’re uneducated, but even so we’re Christians, same as you, friend bookworm . . . If I’m talking foolish, then you should set me to rights and not laugh at me . . . All right then. We’re of peasant stock, rough and ready, we got thick hides, don’t ask too much of us, make allowances . . . (Opens his wallet.) This is the last time, Nikolay Ivanych! (Counts.) One . . . six . . . twelve . . .
TRILETSKY (looks into the wallet). Good Lord! And they keep saying Russians have no money! Where did you get all that?
BUGROV. Fifty . . . (Hands him the money.) The last time.
TRILETSKY. And what’s that banknote? Hand it over too. It’s peeking at me so winsomely! (Takes the money.) Let me have that note too!
BUGROV (gives it to him). Take it, sir! You’re awfully greedy, Nikolay Ivanych!
TRILETSKY. And all in one-ruble notes, all one-ruble notes . . . You been begging with a tin cup or what? Would you be passing me counterfeit money?
BUGROV. Please give ‘em back, if they’re counterfeit!
TRILETSKY. I would give them back, if you needed them . . . Merci, Timofey Gordeich! I hope you put on lots more weight and get a medal. Tell me, please, Timofey Gordeich, why do you lead such an abnormal life? You drink a lot, talk in a bass voice, sweat, don’t sleep when you should . . . For instance, why aren’t you sleeping now? You’re a hot-blooded fellow, sulky, touchy, grocery, for you it should be early to bed! You’ve got more veins than other people. How can you kill yourself this way?
BUGROV. Huh?
TRILETSKY. You and your huh! Anyway, don’t be afraid . . . I’m joking . . . It’s too soon for you to die . . . Go on living! Have you got lots of money, Timofey Gordeich?
BUGROV. Enough to last our lifetime.
TRILETSKY. You’re a good, clever fellow, Timofey Gordeich, but a terrific crook! Excuse me . . . I speak as a friend . . . We are friends, aren’t we? A terrific crook! How come you’re buying up Voinitsev’s I.O.U.s? How come you’re lending him money?
BUGROV. This business is past your understanding, Nikolay Ivanych!
TRILETSKY. You and Vengerovich want to get your hands on the General’s lady’s mines? The General’s lady, you figure, will take pity on her stepson, won’t let him go bankrupt, and will give you her mines? You’re a great man, but a crook! A swindler!
BUGROV. Tell you what, Nikolay Ivanych, sir . . . I’m going to take a little nap somewhere near the gazebo, and when they start serving supper, you wake me up.
TRILETSKY. Splendid! Get some sleep.
BUGROV (goes). And if they don’t serve supper, wake me up at half past ten! (Exits to the gazebo.)