February 20th
Today I got a memo from Hugh at the MOD. They had an opinion poll done. It says that 73% of the public are against conscription.
This is deeply confusing. The Partys poll said 64% in favour!
And then the minutes arrived.
[Sir Humphrey Applebys minutes have survived the ravages of time, and are shown below Ed.]
Item 7, Grand Design
It is clear that Cabinet Committee is agreed that the new policy is an excellent plan, in principle. But in view of the doubts being expressed, it was decided to record that, after careful consideration, the considered view of the committee was that while they considered the proposal met with broad approval in principle, it was felt that some of the principles were sufficiently fundamental in principle, and some of the considerations so complex and finely balanced in practice that in principle it was proposed that the sensible and prudent practice would be to subject the proposal to more detailed consideration with and across the relevant departments with a view to preparing and proposing a more thorough and wide-ranging proposal, laying stress on the less controversial elements and giving consideration to the essential continuity of the new proposal with existing principles, to be presented for parliamentary consideration and public discussion on some more propitious occasion when the climate of opinion is deemed to be more amenable for consideration of the approach and the principle of the principal arguments which the proposal proposes and propounds for approval.
[Hackers diary continues Ed.]
I read this passage over a few times. I think it simply means that the Committee didnt want me to refer to the Grand Design on TV on Friday.
I have no intention of abandoning my policy. But Ill have a fight on my hands, I can see that.
Meanwhile, I have instructed Bernard that on TV Id better have a light suit, high-tech furniture, a yellow high-energy wallpaper background, abstract painting -- and Stravinsky.
THE KEY
February 27th
Dorothy Wainwright, my Chief Political Adviser, came to see me in the Cabinet Room this morning. Shes a very attractive blonde of about forty, slim, efficient, and very hard-nosed.
When I say my Chief Political Adviser, its hardly true. In fact she held that post for my predecessor, the previous Prime Minister, and it seemed a good idea to keep her on.
Humphrey Appleby had hinted that she wasnt awfully helpful -- so it seemed an even better idea to keep her on! After all, I do need people who are not strictly within Humphreys control. But since my first day here, when I asked her to stay, Ive hardly seen her. So I was thoroughly surprised not only when she strode purposefully into the Cabinet Room, where I was doing my paperwork, but also by her brisk opening remark.
Look, Jim, if you dont want me as Political Adviser, Id much rather you just said so.
I was amazed. Why did she think Id asked her to stay on? She was the only person that stopped my predecessor from losing all contact with the real world. But it seems that she has been given the impression that Ive arranged for her to be kicked out of her office and banished to the servants quarters.
I used to be in the office next door to this room, didnt I? Was it a rhetorical question or did it demand an answer?
I played safe. Yes.
And you asked for me to be moved to the front of the building, up three floors, along the corridor, down two steps, round the corner, and four doors along to the right. Next to the photocopier.
This was news to me. Id no idea where shed been. I thought you were on holiday or something, I explained. Actually, the job has been keeping me so busy that, to tell the truth, Id hardly noticed she wasnt much in evidence. [This was no coincidence Ed.]
I might as well be on holiday, she said sharply. I came back after your first weekend and found my office turned into a waiting room for Cabinet Ministers, officials and so on. All my things had been moved upstairs to the attic. Humphrey said it was on your instructions. Was it?
I tried to think. Had I given such instructions? No, I hadnt. And yet I had! You see, Dorothy, Humphrey came to me with a plan to rationalise things. Make better use of the space.
She shook her head in silent wonderment. Dont you realise that the Civil Service has been trying to get me out of my office for three years?
How could I have realised that? Why?
Because geographically its in the key strategic position. Its the best-placed room in the house.
I dont see what difference that makes, I said. Youre still in Number Ten.
Just, she said, tight-lipped.
You get all the documents.
Some, she acknowledged.
We can talk on the phone, I reminded her.
When they put me through, she said bitterly.
I thought she was being a bit paranoid and I told her so. Then she started talking about Albania and Cuba. She said Albania has very little influence on United States policy, whereas Cuba has a lot of influence. Why? Because Albania is remote and Cuba is near. She argues that, in Number Ten just as in the outside world, influence diminishes with distance. And Im distant, she finished balefully.
Youre not in Albania, I said.
No, Im in the bloody attic, she snapped. Look! And she started to move things around on my desk. This desk is a plan of Number Ten. This file is the Cabinet Room, where we are now. Through the doors here -- she placed a book at one end of the file -- "is your private office. This ruler is the corridor from the front door -- here. This corridor -- and she grabbed a paper knife and put it down alongside the file and the book -- "runs from the Cabinet Room and connects up to the locked green-baize door, on the other side of which is the Cabinet Office, which is this blotter, where Sir Humphrey works. This coffee cup is the staircase up to your study. And this saucer is the gents loo -- here. And this is -- was -- my office. She put an ashtray down beside the file that represented the Cabinet Room. Now, my desk faced out into the lobby and I always kept my door open. What could I see?
I stared at it all. You could see, I said slowly, everyone who came in from the front door, or the Cabinet Office, or in and out of the Cabinet Room, or the Private Office, or up and down the stairs.
She remained silent while I pondered this. Then, pressing home her advantage, she picked up the saucer and put it down again. And I was opposite the gents loo. I have to be opposite the loo.
I asked her if shed seen a doctor about this, but apparently I was missing the point. The gents loo, she reminded me. Almost everyone in the Cabinet is a man. I could hear everything they said to each other, privately, when they popped out of Cabinet meetings for a pee. I was able to keep the last Prime Minister fully informed about all their little foibles.
Was that any of his business? I asked.
When they were plotting against him, yes!
Shes brilliant! No wonder Humphrey turned her office into a waiting room and banished her to the attic.
I buzzed Bernard. He appeared through the large white double doors from the Private Office, immediately.
Ah, Bernard, I said, I want you to put Dorothy back in her office.
You mean, take her there? He pointed atticwards.
No, I said, I mean, take her to the waiting room, just outside here.
Bernard was puzzled. Before she goes back to her office, you mean?
I was patient. No, Bernard. I mean the waiting room, which used to be her office, will again be her office.
But what about the waiting room? he asked.
I told him to concentrate, listen carefully, and watch my lips move. The-waiting-room- I said slowly and clearly, will-become-Dorothys-office.