Some people, perhaps, replied Sir Humphrey. But some people must wait where other people cannot see the people who are waiting. And people who arrive before other people must wait where they cannot see the other people who arrive after them being admitted before them. And people who come in from outside must be kept where they cannot see the people from inside coming to tell you what the people from outside have come to see you about. And people who arrive when you are with people they are not supposed to know you have seen must be kept somewhere until the people who are not supposed to have seen you have seen you.
I couldnt possibly have remembered all that, and I had great trouble later today trying to decipher it. But the implications were clear: You mean while Im quietly working away in here, theres an entire Whitehall farce going on outside that door?
[Whitehall farce was a term used to describe a series of theatrical farces produced over a period of about twenty years at the Whitehall Theatre. Whitehall was also, of course, the street that connects 10 Downing Street to Parliament Square, and on which can be found a number of major government departments Ed.]
Prime Minister, Number Ten is a railway junction. It cannot work without its proper component of sheds and sidings and timetables. Mrs Wainwrights office is a vital shed.
I challenged him. You want her out of the way.
Good heavens no, Prime Minister!
You think shes a nuisance. Be honest.
No, no. Splendid woman, Mrs Wainwright. Upright. Downright. Forthright.
Sometimes Humphrey has a certain natural poetry. But a nuisance? I asked again.
Well, he acknowledged cautiously, there have been occasions when her criticisms of the service have been, er, refreshingly outspoken. And when her conversations with the press have been breathtakingly frank and full. And sometimes her requests for information and assistance could have been a touch less abrasive and persistent. But most of my staff who had nervous breakdowns in the past three years would probably have had them anyway.
But I find her advice valuable, I reminded him.
Of course, Prime Minister. Humphreys tone was now full of understanding. And you shall have it. On paper.
Where you can all read it? I challenged.
Immediately I realised Id led with my chin. And why not? he enquired. Will it be secret from me?
Of course I had no answer to that. So I reiterated the main point of the argument. She needs to be where things are happening.
Think for a moment, Prime Minister. Is it fair to her?
I couldnt think what he was driving at. All the rest of us in this part of Number Ten are career civil servants. Loyal. Trusted. True. Our discretion proven over many years. If just one temporary civil servant is from the outside, then whenever there is a security breakdown the finger of suspicion will be pointed at her. It is too heavy a burden for one lady to bear. However gracious.
Is there any truth in this argument? It sounds plausible. Its certainly true that theyd take it out on her if they could! But I explained to Humphrey that she is valuable because of her political advice.
Prime Minister, he replied, you have the whole Cabinet to give you political advice.
They only advise me to give more money to their own departments. I need someone, Humphrey, whos on my side.
Humphrey was now positively sweetness and light. But Im on your side. The whole Civil Service is on your side. Six hundred and eighty thousand of us. Surely that is enough to be going on with?
He seemed to be winning the argument. I never should have got into it at all. I should have just held firm to my decision. But it was too late now. Id been sucked in to an argument I could never win. You all give me the same advice, I said hopelessly.
Which proves, replied Humphrey with triumph, that it must be correct! So now, please, can we revert to the original reorganisation plan?
I know when Im beaten. I nodded.
Humphrey tried to sweeten the pill with a compliment. Its such a pleasure to have a decisive Prime Minister who knows his own mind.
I asked Bernard to send for Dorothy. To my surprise she was waiting next door in my private office. She came right in. I waited for Humphrey to leave. He didnt. So I explained that I wanted a private word with Dorothy.
He still didnt leave. You can speak freely in front of me, he smiled.
Dorothy could see which way the wind was blowing. The Prime Minister may be able to, she snapped. I cant.
Im sure you can, Humphrey replied patronisingly.
This was a terrible situation, thoroughly embarrassing, and it really was my fault for not standing up to Humphrey properly. Dorothy turned on her heel and walked out. Bernard, perhaps youll let me know when the Prime Minister is free.
I stopped her, told her to come right back, and asked Humphrey to leave.
He didnt budge. If you think its necessary, Prime Minister. But I understand you have only a few brief words to say and we have many other matters of moment to discuss.
I couldnt think what. It was clear that Humphrey was determined to see that I denied Dorothy the office outside the Cabinet Room. While I was wracked with indecision, Dorothy turned on Humphrey.
Im sorry, Humphrey, she said with steel in her voice, I thought I heard the Prime Minister asking you to leave.
I kept silent. Humphrey realised that he had no alternative, turned and walked from the room. I signalled to Bernard to follow him.
The doors closed. Dorothy sat opposite me. She knew the whole situation only too well. She came straight to the point.
He has no right to behave like this, you know.
Trying to save face a little, I asked her what she meant. She explained that she meant barging in and out without so much as a by-your-leave, and telling me I couldnt spend too long talking to her.
He is Cabinet Secretary, I reminded her.
Precisely. Hes a Secretary.
Now I felt I had to save Humphreys face. Hes the most senior Civil Servant.
She smiled a wry smile. Its remarkable how people continue to consider you a civil servant when you behave like an arrogant master.
Now I had to save my face again. Im the master here, I said in my best no-nonsense voice.
Thats right! she said emphatically.
Encouraged, I told her that I am the Prime Minister, and that I shall be firm and decisive. As always, I told her that I wished to talk about her office, and that Ive changed my mind.
She asked, impertinently, if I had done so firmly and decisively.
This was infuriating. I asked her precisely what her question meant. Unfortunately, she told me. Have you changed your mind or has someone changed it for you?
I told her we need the waiting room. She asked why.
Well, I began, and realised that I was unable to reproduce Humphreys argument. Im afraid my version came out rather differently. Because, if people come to see people who people dont know people are coming to that is, if people saw people before other people saw them seeing them and other people see people well, the whole ship goes off the rails.
I ground to a halt, embarrassed. She gazed at me, her cool blue eyes appraising me. Did you work all that out for yourself? she enquired.
Look, be fair! I defended myself as best I could. I cant go into everything. I have to rely on advice from my officials.
She acknowledged the truth of this. But her view is that I have to rely on advice not only from officials. She believes that Humphrey is trying to shut off all my sources of information and advice except the Civil Service. And, furthermore, she insists he wishes to make himself the only channel for Civil Service advice.
This sounds a little fanciful to me. But she has more experience of Number Ten than I have, and I do know that shes on my side -- or at least shes not on Humphreys side, which may not be the same thing.