Naturally I had no such intention. And anyway, my purpose was not to corner Humphrey, who had taken my side on this matter. So I thanked everyone and dismissed them.
I kept Humphrey back for a quick private word. I asked him if he thought we were a bit hard on Frank. On the contrary, he said. Most proper and penetrating questions, if I may say so, even though I do not like to be disloyal to colleagues.
Its clear hes never been a Cabinet Minister.
April 5th
Humphrey really came through today. He has been hard at work on a new, much smaller Civil Service pay claim. He wanted to explain why.
Im afraid I thought all along, he told me, that at a time of stringency the Treasury claim was excessive, not in the nations interest. Nice for Civil Servants, of course, but not something the Cabinet Secretary with his higher loyalty could recommend. That is why we dont let the Permanent Secretary of the Treasury be the Head of the Civil Service. I took the point.
He then offered me a much more modest submission which amounts to only 11% over two years, with the top grades rising only by about the average. The overall Civil Service pay bill would only go up by about 6% a year over a period, in Humphreys scheme.
This is obviously much more reasonable, and Im perfectly willing to okay it. He wasnt even asking for that at once. He said that obviously the lower grades will have to go through the normal procedures, but he suggested that the First Division claim should be processed with the utmost secrecy and speed.
The reason for this is that he fears that his scheme could backfire if there is widespread discussion of it. Many members of the FDA might want to make a bigger claim -- I'm sure hes right, if frank is anything to go by. So Humphrey wants no one to see it now, even advisers.
Thats only acceptable to me if he can get his colleagues to accept such a small rise, a mere 6%. He says he can swing it if I guarantee support and cooperation over the secrecy. I guaranteed it. I got a real bargain there!
But there was one outstanding problem: Parliament. The backbenchers always hate Civil Service pay rises. Humphrey had a solution -- a brilliant solution. It involves a major reform that will be universally popular. [By universally popular Hacker was referring to Parliament and the Civil Service, not the British public. To him, the universe consisted of Westminster and Whitehall Ed.]
Prime Minister, if MPs salaries were linked to a grade in the Civil Service, then they wouldnt have to keep voting themselves their own pay rises. Everytime the Civil Service got one, theyd get one too. Automatically. And if their pensions were index-linked too, that would help.
It certainly would, I agreed. Excellent. Thank you. Humphrey really has been a tower of strength, and thoroughly self-sacrificing. What grade should a backbenchers be, do you think? I asked him.
I think, perhaps, a Senior Principal.
I was surprised. Isnt that rather low?
Backbenchers are rather low, he said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.
And to what grade should Cabinet Ministers be linked? I asked.
Under Secretaries? suggested Humphrey.
And the Prime Minister?
Well, said Humphrey, at present you earn even less than I do, but I think you should grade yourself as a Permanent Secretary. And you, like me, could have an index-linked pension. And it could be calculated not on your years as Prime Minister, but as if you had been doing the job all your life and it was your retirement salary. [This has been the practice since the 1980s Ed.]
A very fair offer. I thanked him. He shrugged off my thanks. After all, Prime Minister, this is a partnership.
Indeed it is, I agreed. A real partnership.
Yes Prime Minister, said Humphrey. What a nice man he is, underneath it all.
A VICTORY FOR DEMOCRACY
April 10th
We had a drinks party at Number Ten tonight. Among the many guests was the American Ambassador. He cornered me in the yellow pillared room, and edged me towards one of the pillars.
How are things in the White House? I asked cheerfully.
He is a very tall, burly, amicable fellow. Its hard to believe that his words were threats. And yet Theyve heard some talk about plans to cancel Trident, and coming on top of all this food war -- er, that is this friendly rivalry from our European friends it could just about blow the whole North American Alliance.
One of those nice comfortable middle-aged ladies with those small silver trays of drinks passed by. I gratefully selected a Scotch. The US Ambassador waved her away.
Its only a rumour, of course, he continued. I cant personally believe the British Government would try to cancel Trident. But I know theres pressure on you.
In reality, all the pressure to cancel Trident is coming from me. But I wasnt actually lying when I replied bravely, Yes, well, pressures part of the job, isnt it?
But the Whit House has asked me to convey to you -- informally, of course, not in my official role as Ambassador -- that it might cause problems. The defence industries, you see, contain some of the biggest single contributors to party funds.
This was the kind of American reaction that Humphrey had predicted. It was not news. Really? I said, as if this were news.
The Ambassador came even closer to me. Im sure he was only trying to be confidential, but it felt threatening. The White House would do a lot to stop cancellation. A lot!
Again I was given a moment to think, this time by one of the ladies from Government Hospitality with a tray of mixed canaps. I took some brown bread with smoked salmon and asparagus rolled up in it. Delicious, I said, and indicated to the Ambassador that he should enjoy our hospitality. He abstained.
You can tell the White House, unofficially, I said bravely, that you have made your point.
Unofficially? He agreed to maintain the fiction. Fine. But the State Department and the Pentagon have other worries.
What about? I couldnt think of anything else Id done to offend the Americans.
The Ambassador sipped his Perrier. Well, youre aware of the East Yemen problem?
Id never heard of it. Absolutely, I said. Big problem.
The Ambassador seemed surprised at this response. Well, not at the moment, surely?
Not at the moment, of course, I agreed hastily. But potentially.
Right! He was warming to his subject. And you know about St Georges Island?
Another place Id never heard of. St Georges Island? I repeated, as if I were holding my cards close to my chest.
It didnt fool the Ambassador. Its part of your Commonwealth, he explained.
Oh, that St Georges Island, I said, as if everyone knew there were two.
Well The Ambassador looked grim. It looks like the Communists might try and grab it.
This sounded serious. Really? I said. Ill speak to the Foreign Secretary.
The Ambassador looked a little dubious. You think thatll do the trick?
I didnt know, did I? For a start, I didnt know what trick was required. And speaking to Duncan rarely achieves anything anyway. So I prevaricated. Well, not in itself, perhaps -- but
The White House, interjected the Ambassador, is worried that your Foreign Office might not be tough enough about it. They might just sit by and watch. The White House think your Foreign Office is full of pinkoes and traitors.
I laughed. Theyve read too many newspapers I mean, detective stories. Freudian slip.
Thats what I tell them, agreed the Ambassador with a sigh. But the Pentagon say theyve read too many NATO secrets in Russian files. Prime Minister, the White House would be very upset if the Reds got hold of a strategic base like St Georges Island. So its a strategic base! Theres a talk of putting tariffs on British car exports. No more Jaguar sales to the United States. He was threatening me!