Im sure weve got it all under control, said Duncan with quiet confidence.
Chamberlain was sure hed got Hitler under control, I reminded him. And Eden was sure hed got Nasser under control.
Duncan leapt belligerently to the defence of the Foreign Office. For Duncan, a natural thug, attack is always the best form of defence. Are you suggesting the Foreign Office doesnt know what its doing?
No, I said carefully, Im suggesting the Foreign Office isnt letting us know what its doing.
Duncan said that this was an absurd accusation. I get full answers to any question I ask.
What about the questions you dont ask? I countered.
Such as?
Such as about St Georges Island.
He shrugged. Ah -- well, I dont ask those.
Well, ask them, I begged him. For me. All right?
As if hed do anything for me. Hell never forgive me. [For becoming Prime Minister Ed]
Duncan looked as though he was reluctant to ask the Foreign Office about St Georges, though he said he would. But he admonished me. Dont forget that once you start interfering in the internal squabbles of other countries youre on a very slippery slope.
I turned to the other matter the American Ambassador had raised. Was it rue, I asked him, that we were proposing to vote against Israel in the UN again tonight?
Of course, he said, in a tone of slight astonishment that I could ask such a question.
Why?
They bombed the PLO, he said.
But the Israelis dropped more bombs than the PLO did, he said.
But the PLO started it, I said.
He was about to answer back again, but I stopped him with a gesture. I was getting tired of this. Anyway, I said, it seems to me that theyre both equally to blame.
Not according to my advice, said Duncan with determination.
Either way, I said, fed up wit the pros and cons and wishing to deal with known incontrovertible facts, Im under a lot of American pressure about it. I want us to abstain tonight.
Duncan looked genuinely anxious. And shifty. Oh, I dont think we could do that. The Foreign Office wouldnt wear it.
I lost my temper. Are they here to follow our instructions, or are we here to follow theirs?
Dont be silly, replied Duncan.
Obviously thats another question he doesnt ask.
April 14th
Two days have gone by. Ive had no response from Duncan. Its making me edgy. I called in Humphrey after lunch for a discussion on Foreign Affairs -- something weve never really had before.
We sat in the study, on either side of the fireplace, and had coffee while we talked. We had no agenda -- I just wanted a chat really. But the afternoon certainly taught me a thing or two.
Foreign affairs are so complicated, arent they? I began.
Indeed, Prime Minister. He took a chocolate digestive biscuit. Thats why we leave them to the Foreign Office.
I smelt a rat at once!
So do they know what theyre doing? I asked casually.
He smiled confidently. If they dont, who does?
This hardly answered my question. I told Humphrey that I was worried about the Americans. It didnt seem to bother him at all. Yes, well, were all worried about the Americans, he remarked with a weary smile.
There is a general creeping anti-Americanism in opinion-forming circles in London -- specifically in Whitehall -- which worries me a little. But Humphrey cant just dismiss my worries so easily, he knows that Ive got to do everything possible to keep in with them in the next few months if Im to cancel a huge defence order for Trident.
Nonetheless, Im determined to cancel Trident and I have to be sure, therefore, that we dont upset the Americans any other way.
I came straight to the point. The American Ambassador mentioned something about St Georges Island, I said.
He looked surprised. Really?
Humphrey do you know whats going on in that part of the world?
What part of the world is that? he asked, staring at me with insolent blue eyes. Damn it, he realised that I didnt know exactly where it is!
Well, I still wasnt going to admit it. That part! I said doggedly. The part where St Georges Island is!
What part is that?
I bluffed it out. If you dont know, Humphrey, I advise you to look at the map.
I do know, Prime Minister.
Good. Then we both know, I said. Im not sure that he was convinced. But I explained that the Americans fear that St Georges will be taken over by Marxist guerrillas. He didnt seem to mind a bit. I wonder if he knew already.
They think we ought to do something about it, I continued.
Humphrey chuckled and shook his head sadly.
I admonished him. Its not funny, Humphrey.
No indeed, Prime Minister. Rather touching, actually. Sometimes he is so superior I could wring his neck!
Its not funny! I said irritably.
The smile was wiped off his face instantly. Certainly not, he agreed emphatically.
Its a Commonwealth country. And a democratic one.
Yes, Prime Minister, but once you start interfering in the internal squabbles of other countries youre on a very slippery slope.
Now I had proof that this conversation did not come as a surprise to him. That was exactly what the Foreign Secretary had said to me, word for word.
I turned to the matter of Israel. I pointed out that both sides were to blame, that the Middle East situation is a tragedy created by history, and that morally speaking we shouldnt condemn either without condemning both.
Humphrey didnt agree, which was no great surprise. Surely, he argued, its a question of maintaining our relationship with the Arabs. The power of Islam. Oil supplies.
I tried to get him to understand. Humphrey, I am talking about right and wrong!
He was shocked. Well, dont let the Foreign Office hear you, he advised me with sudden vehemence.
I felt that I had to give him a basic history lesson. I reminded him that we in Britain are the flagbearers of democracy. We keep the torch of freedom alive. Our great duty, nay, our destiny, is to resist aggressors and oppressors and maintain the rule of law and the supremacy of justice. We are the trustees of civilisation. [This was, presumably, the Churchillian outburst which Sir Humphrey Appleby had feared Ed.]
Humphrey agreed. Well, he had to! And he proposed a compromise: if I insist on an even-handed approach, the Foreign Office might agree to abstaining on the Israel vote, so long as we authorise a powerful speech by our man at the UN attacking Zionism.
I wasnt sure this was such a great idea either. Surely we could use the debate to create peace, harmony and goodwill.
That would be most unusual, replied Humphrey, eyebrows raised. The UN is the accepted forum for the expression of international hatred.
He seems to think that this is good. Presumably on the grounds that if we dont express hatred in a controlled environment we might all end up going to war again. But since there are sixty or seventy wars being fought in various parts of the world anyway, between member nations of the UN, I rather feel that expressing less hatred might not be a bad thing to encourage.
Humphrey would not budge in his approach to the defence of democracy or St Georges. He made a couple of scathing references to what he called flagwaving and torchbearing. He argued strenuously that defending democracy is not the priority if it harms British interests by upsetting those whom we wish to have as friends.
I was shocked. This is the voice of the people who appeased Hitler. The same Foreign Office, in fact, now I come to think of it.
But to my complete and total open-mouthed astonishment Humphrey defended the appeasers. They were quite right. All we achieved after six years of war was to leave Eastern Europe under a Communist dictatorship instead of a Fascist dictatorship. At a cost of millions of lives and the ruination of the country. Thats what comes of not listening to the Foreign Office.
I think that this is one of the most shocking things Humphrey has ever said to me. I mean, he may be right, but it strikes at everything that we hold dear.