So long as they live, I reminded him grimly.
So long as they live. He nodded. And when they die they save the rest of us a lot of money. And anyway, theres always more coming along to replace them. Not that any direct causal link has been proved, as I said before.
This nonsense about no direct causal link was beginning to irritate me. I reminded Humphrey that the US Surgeon-General says that cigarette smoking is the chief avoidable cause of death in our society and the most important public health issue of our time.
Humphrey dismissed the US Surgeon-Generals report with a patronising smile. In his society, maybe. But do remember, Prime Minister, that Americans do love overstating everything, bless their warm little hearts. He begged me to do nothing rash, to be very sure of my ground, and be very careful before I made any move. Of course, thats what he says about virtually everything.
Bernard interrupted us. It was time for Cabinet Committee, to be followed by lunch at the House -- where the Minister for Sport wanted an urgent word with me.
The news is certainly getting around fast. I stared accusingly at Humphrey, pretending to be angry.
Who tipped him off? I enquired.
Humphrey and Bernard looked at each other. Then they looked at me. They remained silent.
Hes part of the tobacco lobby, I said to Humphrey.
Humphrey pretended he didnt know. A member of your government? he asked, with a feeble pretence of shock-horror.
This ploy was unworthy of Humphrey. Obviously the Minister for Sport has a vested interest in tobacco -- all that sponsorship. Furthermore, this particular Minister for Sport [Leslie Potts MP Ed] is the Member for one of the Nottingham constituencies -- and there are thousands of tobacco workers in Nottingham.
I told Bernard to tell the Minister Id give him ten minutes at 2.30.
With pleasure, Prime Minister.
Not with pleasure, Bernard, I replied, but Ill see him anyway.
At 2.30 we had our meeting. I have inherited Leslie Potts from the previous administration. He really is a dreadfully unappealing, unattractive figure. He is short, very thin, with bulging pop-eyes that seem to bulge even more than nature intended because they are so heavily magnified behind his inch-thick spectacles. He coughs and wheezes, his fingers are permanently stained yellow with nicotine, he chain-smokes and spreads ash all around him like an ancient volcano. His hair is greasy, his teeth are yellow, and he smells like a smokers railway compartment, second class. I can only suppose that when my predecessor appointed him Minister for Sport he must have been giving a rare outing to his little-known sense of humour.
Mind if I smoke? rasped Potts.
I shook my head, whereupon a lit cigarette appeared instantly from inside a half-closed fist. He took a deep drag on it, coughed a bit, and asked about the rumour that I intended making a personal attack on the tobacco industry.
I gave a truthful but irrelevant answer. I havent heard that rumour, I said.
Is it true? asked Leslie, not deceived.
The Minister of Health is considering the matter. No decision has been taken.
Theres no smoke without fire, said Leslie. He should know!
Naturally youd be consulted, I said, in my most consultative voice. As Minister for Sport I realise that you have an interest in the matter.
I dont give a stuff about sport! Ive got 4000 tobacco workers in my constituency. What about my seat?
What about your lungs? I said.
My lungs are fine, he snarled.
And he doesnt breathe through his seat, said Bernard, not very helpfully.
What did you say? wheezed Potts.
Oh, said Bernard. Your seat. I see. Sorry.
I tried not to laugh. I silenced Bernard with a wave and turned back to Leslie.
I am aware, of course, that your constituency has a cigarette factory in it. But sometimes one must take a broader view.
Even broader than your seat, added Bernard mischievously. I didnt dare meet his eyes -- I might have burst out laughing.
Leslie Potts MP was not amused. Its not just my seat, he snapped. There are marginal seats in Bristol, Nottingham, Glasgow, Basildon and Northern Ireland, all with tobacco works. And then theres all the brewery towns, which are owned by the tobacco manufacturers.
I can see theres a problem, I acknowledged. But if something is right for the country, dont you think that the government should do it regardless?
There was no contest as far as Leslie Potts was concerned. Of course the government must do whats right -- but not if it affects marginal constituencies! Theres obviously a limit.
I reassured him that no decision had yet been taken. And of course the decision he fears never will be -- it's a different result that Im after. But he wouldnt let it drop. He told me that, for the good of the party, I couldnt interfere in the smoking issue.
I disliked being told what I can and cant do by junior members of my government! Its no good huffing and puffing at me, Leslie, I complained.
Sorry, he said, waving away clouds of second-hand blue smoke.
Werent you, I went on, a paid consultant for the British Tobacco Group?
He drew himself up majestically to his full height of five foot two and a half, and replied in his most self-righteous tone. The fact that BTG paid me a small retainer is totally beside the point. I managed to keep a straight face. They are a very generous corporation with a strong sense of responsibility toward the community. Look at all the money they give to sports. And now youre trying to stop them!
Id had enough of all this rubbish. Leslie, I said firmly, they only give money to help sell more cigarettes.
No, he insisted doggedly, theyre doing it out of a genuine wish to serve the community.
Thats fine, I answered. In that case, they can go on giving the money anonymously, if they like.
Ah, he said, and hesitated. Well of course, they would be very happy to, provided they could publicise the fact that they were doing it anonymously. He saw no problem there. Tell me, Jim, is it true that Peter Thorn is also trying to change the government health warning?
I didnt want to reply, so I looked to Bernard for help. But Bernard was still not taking the conversation absolutely seriously. I believe, he replied, deadpan, that Dr Thorn is proposing something like Dying of cancer can seriously damage your health.
Leslie Potts was outraged. Its simply not true! he exclaimed. I wonder if he believes it himself. By now I am really coming to believe that we must actually do something about this smoking and health problem -- but not until the time is ripe, I think.
Look, Leslie, I said, if we do nothing therell be a million premature deaths in this country over the next ten years -- minimum. I actually shocked myself as I uttered that statistic.
I agree, he answered desperately. A million deaths. Terrible. But theyll be evenly spread, not just in the marginal constituencies. Listen, Jim, there is no conclusive proof of any causal link between smoking and
I couldnt understand the rest of his sentence. It was lost in another paroxysm of coughing and choking. But I think I got the gist.
[Meanwhile, an anxious correspondence was taking place between Sir Humphrey Appleby and Sir Frank Gordon, Permanent Secretary of the Treasury. Copies of the letters have been found in both the Cabinet Office files and the Treasury files, all now available to us under the Thirty Year Rule. As the discussion was in writing, both gentlemen were grateful to express their enthusiasm for government policy. Their real feelings must be read between the lines Ed.]
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