My heart sank into my boots. I hadnt expected him to make so much progress so soon. I told him that this was excellent news, but that his legislation couldnt happen immediately.
No, he said, but their support only requires it to be announced as government policy within three months and a White Paper in a year. So thats bags of time.
His enthusiasm was touching. I was genuinely sorry that I was about to ditch his scheme, particularly as Id argued it so successfully with Humphrey that now I had even begun to believe in it myself.
I told him Id encountered problems with the Treasury. He immediately saw the turn that the conversation was taking.
His eyes narrowed. It cant be anything you didnt know about before.
Its not as simple as you think, Peter. I knew I sounded unconvincing.
Peter took a deep breath. And then he made a threat that was a real threat. Look, Jim, I really am serious about this. Its the one really important and worthwhile thing I believe I can do in politics. If you stall it, I shall have to resign. And say why.
I told him to calm down, but he said he was perfectly calm already. Jim, the medical bodies are even more committed than I am. Perhaps I shouldnt have told them about your support, but they say theyll announce that youve capitulated to the tobacco companies.
His strategy was all worked out. Clearly he was not a bit surprised by my new position on this matter -- in fact, he must have been half expecting it.
I really didnt know what to say or do. But I was saved by the bell. The telephone bell, to be precise.
Bernard answered it. Excuse me, Prime Minister, could Sir Humphrey see you urgently, just for a moment?
I asked Thorn to wait outside. Humphrey came bursting in with good news: hed spoken to the Treasury first thing this morning and, surprise! surprise! they can encompass my income-tax cut. This is on the understanding that no further work would be needed on the anti-smoking proposal.
I briefly filled Humphrey in about the new complication -- Dr Thorns threatened resignation and the ensuing public condemnation of me by the entire British medical establishment.
Humphrey was worried -- but only for a moment. Then he had a brilliant idea, the kind of idea that makes him worth all the trouble he causes me -- well, almost all!
Prime Minister, you still have that government vacancy in the Treasury, dont you?
It was genius, pure genius. It would be a big promotion, a very rapid promotion, for Peter Thorn. But why not, for such an able Minister?
We got him back in.
Peter, I said, I have just remembered that we still have a vacancy at the Treasury. I couldnt think how to fill it -- but your work on this proposal, I have to tell you, has impressed me a lot.
He was suspicious. Well, who wouldnt be? Youre not trying to get rid of me?
Absolutely not. Quite the reverse.
He was tempted. Well its a terrific step up.
But merited, I said in my warmest father-figure voice. Thoroughly merited.
Thorn was torn. I dont see how I can take it if it means dropping the anti-smoking bill.
Peter, let me be absolutely honest with you. The bill would have been will be I think I managed to correct myself without his noticing very difficult to get through. The Treasury is the key place, the true stumbling block, not the Department of Health. It may take a bit longer, but if youre inside there, if you learn the ropes, theres a much better chance of a really foolproof watertight Act when it finally gets on the statute books. Believe me. It sounded so convincing an argument that I almost believed it myself.
Fortunately he bought it. So my proposals arent dropped? he asked, wanting the answer no.
Absolutely not, I said. I wasnt exactly lying -- maybe I will come back to them in due course. In the fullness of time. When the time is ripe.
He only hesitated for a second. Okay, he answered. Ill take the Treasury job. Thanks a lot.
We shook hands and he left, walking on air. The great thing about being Prime Minister is that you can give people so much happiness and such a great sense of achievement.
May 24th
Peter Thorns promotion to the Treasury left me with another vacancy, in the Ministry of Health. Clearly we now want to avoid another Minister who will antagonise the tobacco lobby. So an obvious candidate sprang to mind.
I sent for Leslie Potts this morning. It didnt take him long to drive over from Marsham Street [where the Department of the Environment has its headquarters Ed]. He wheezed into my study enveloped in his usual cloud of pollution, a lit cigarette clamped between his stubby yellow fingertips.
I welcomed him warmly. My dear chap, do come in. How would you like to be the Minister of Health?
He was extremely surprised. Me?
I nodded.
He coughed for a while, a good chesty wet rasping cough. Even I felt better after it.
It is a considerable promotion, he said at last, eyeing me with caution and wondering what I was playing at.
But merited, I said warmly.
He thought for a moment, but could see no signs of a trap. Indeed, there were none. Well, of course, I cant refuse. Thank you, Prime Minister.
I sent for Humphrey and introduced him to our new Minister of Health. Humphrey pretended slight surprise, even though it had been Humphreys idea.
Meanwhile, Leslie thought hed found the catch. Wait a minute, he croaked suddenly. I dont want the job if it means attacking the tobacco industry.
I was able to reassure him completely. No, Leslie, we in government have to be realists. I want you to work with the tobacco industry: theyre nice chaps, caring people, fabulous employers, and they really want to help -- I want you to work with them, not against them. All right?
Leslie Potts looked pleased but, as he tried to reply, he was overwhelmed by a fit of uncontrollable coughing. He went purple, and struggled to say something -- I simply couldnt tell what it was.
I turned to Humphrey. What did he say? I asked.
I think, said Humphrey cheerfully, that he said Yes Prime Minister.
THE BISHOPS GAMBIT
June 5th
Finished work by six p.m. tonight, except for my red boxes. So Bernard and I watched the six oclock news. There was nothing new. But the media are making a big story out of a young British nurse called Fiona McGregor who is being held in the Gulf state of Qumran for the alleged possession of a bottle of whisky.
Theyve given her ten years imprisonment and forty lashes, but apparently the sentence is not to be carried out till it is confirmed, whatever that means.
On the news they showed her mother and her MP (Stuart Gordon, one of our backbenchers) taking a petition to the Qumran Embassy. The officials refused to accept the petition.
The final item of this story was the official response from the Foreign Office, which said that the Foreign Secretary has described the incident as regrettable, but that no action is planned.
The news moved on to telling us that there has been another bad day for the pound. I switched off, and sent for Humphrey. When he came I told him that this situation with the nurse is a big worry. Theres a lot of public sympathy for her.
He agreed.
Whats the best thing to do? I asked.
Im sure the Foreign Secretary will advise you, he said.
He advises me to do nothing, I said.
Im sure thats very good advice, said Humphrey.
The usual obstruction from the FO. This has been going on too long already. If we dont do anything we look heartless, I explained. We also look feeble. It doesnt do the government any good to look heartless and feeble simultaneously. I turned to Bernard. What do you think, Bernard?
Bernard perked up. Perhaps you could manage it so that you only look heartless and feeble alternately.
I ignored him, and simply reiterated to Humphrey that we have to do something. My hope is that since I trounced Humphrey and his Foreign Office pal Dick Wharton only recently, this time they may knuckle under with less pressure from me.