Pepper tilted her head toward the back of the library, where Logan was balancing his chair on its back legs, glancing up at us from underneath the brim of his cap. His eyes were suspicious as they focused on Pepper.
“You seem cozy over there with the hot weirdo,” she said, brushing her hand through her chin-length brown hair.
I narrowed my eyes, my temper flaring protectively as she eyed Logan. I wanted to fling myself in between them, to shield him from her calculating, judgmental stare.
“Don’t you dare talk about him like that,” I growled, and her eyes widened as she took a step back. Pepper quickly regained her composure, though, and graced me with her trademark condescending sneer instead.
“So, aren’t you going to say something bitchy to me? No Little Miss Know-It-All comment to me about how I deserved this from Matt after—” she dropped her already low voice even more “—the whole thing where I kissed Diego?”
“No. I’m not the one who goes around judging people and making fun of them and assuming that I know everything about them,” I retorted, and Pepper sucked her teeth, gripping the edges of the math textbook more tightly.
“This isn’t the first time he’s cheated,” she said abruptly, a challenging tone to her voice as she tilted her chin up. “It’s just the first time he’s done it so publicly. But I’m not stupid.”
“I never said you were.”
“I know. You’re actually the only person who hasn’t talked shit about me.”
I blinked slowly as I stared at her.
“The very definition of ironic, don’t you think?” I asked, gesturing back and forth between us.
“Whatever,” she huffed. “Just...just know that I’m not stupid.”
“Why do you even care what I think?”
“I don’t. I just don’t want you thinking you’re better than me. You’re a loser.”
“Loser, wow.” I held my hand over my heart, pretending to hiss in pain. “Don’t hurt yourself trying to come up with snappy comebacks, Paprika, I’m not here to gloat. I can’t make you feel any worse than you make yourself feel. All I want is the math book.”
She leaned against the bookshelf and exhaled through her nose, a frown on her face.
I held my palm out and sighed.
“Can I have it or what?”
Pepper dropped it into my waiting palm but gripped the sides as I tried to walk away with it.
“What?” I shut my eyes and exhaled. At this rate I was going to get five math problems done, at most.
“I’m not stupid, Paige. I’m going to get him back good for this.”
“Why bother? Just break up with him.” I knew I should just walk away, but I couldn’t help it—the insight into her weird little mind was too intriguing.
“I have to have a boyfriend,” she explained, as if it were the most obvious statement in the world. “You don’t get it. You don’t have the friends I do.”
Normally that would be an incredibly bitchy comment, since it was about my lack of friends and, of course, the fact that it was uttered by Pepper. But instead, I didn’t take offense. Her statement was too revealing, too sad.
“Maybe you shouldn’t have the friends you have either, then,” I replied, and Pepper’s perma-scowl was back on her face.
“You don’t get it.”
“Obviously.”
I wrenched the book from her hands and returned to my friends. Sure, two were invisible and one was half-warlock, but I wouldn’t trade them for all the “cool kids” in the world.
“What was that about?” Logan asked, his eyes shifting to stare at Pepper.
“I honestly have no idea,” I said, pulling on the end of my ponytail and curling a lock of hair around my knuckle as I relayed the odd encounter.
“I don’t get what she means about how she has to have a boyfriend, though. What’s the big deal?”
“Might I remind you that you have a boyfriend? A pretty great guy, by the way,” Logan interjected.
“He’s all right,” I said flippantly, but I squeezed his hand, earning a playful scowl in reply. “But seriously, you’re my boyfriend because you’re awesome. Why stick around with someone who sucks? This isn’t a play where you’re casting for the role of ‘boyfriend.’ Find the person first and then build the role around them.”
“That’s easy for you to say because you’ve always been on the outside,” Travis said.
“I wasn’t always,” I corrected him. “And besides, why does Pepper care what I think?”
“Because you are on the outside. And because, at the end of the day, Pepper is jealous of you,” Travis said, glancing back to where Pepper and Matt had taken up residency at a table with Andie and their usual posse of sycophants. They’d probably all dress alike even if we didn’t have to wear uniforms.
“Other than my grades, which are barely a fraction higher than hers are,” I pointed out, “what could she possibly be jealous of?”
“Pepper’s whole identity is wrapped up in her image. Being the popular girl, having the good grades, having the right boyfriend.”
“So why was that my problem?”
“Because you don’t give a shit, and everyone knows it. You aren’t mired in high school drama. You know, Paige—” Travis leaned forward, whispering even though Logan, Dottie and I were the only ones who could see him “—half the school thinks you make up being crazy just to avoid dealing with people. That half thinks you’re brilliant for it.”
“And the other half?”
He leaned back. “Oh, they think you’re crazy and they’re terrified of you. Remember, you did threaten to smack Pepper. No one else can see Dottie, so of course they think you’re nuts.”
“Yeah, I always forget about that when she’s slamming doors in my face and calling me a freak.” I pursed my lips as I considered this.
The bell rang, and I watched as Pepper and Matt silently gathered their things. He grabbed her around the waist and she kissed him on the cheek, giggling as her forehead knocked against the glasses he’d started wearing after Della. When Matt turned away from her to grab his backpack, though, her smile faded to a petulant little pout.
And I thought the act I put on for my parents was exhausting.
Perspective was an amazing thing. From where I’d been sitting—usually on a lukewarm radiator in the girls’ bathroom—my situation wasn’t enviable. I’d been held back a year, stuffed with pills, and until recently, the only person who believed that I wasn’t crazy was my dead best friend. I’d felt trapped in my situation—but apparently, I was the poster child for freedom.
“What’s got you so quiet?” Logan asked, throwing his arm over my shoulder as we walked down the stairs, headed toward the front door of the school.
“Just thinking about what Travis said—about how I have all this freedom, because I don’t care what people think.”
I sighed, yanking my hair out of its elastic, and raked my hands through it.
“The thing is, though, I’m such a fraud,” I admitted, coiling and uncoiling the black elastic band in my hands. “I’m sitting here judging Pepper in my mind, when I’m no better. I pretended not to care, but I did care. I used to want so badly for my biggest problem in life to be something dumb, like finding a date for a dance like the stupid Spring Fling, which Dottie swore up and down was the most fun thing that ever happened. So I think I just convinced myself that I didn’t care, because it was easier than being disappointed all the time. I mean, it’s not like Bellevue Kelly’s ever actually going to have fun at a dance, right? So it was easier to just shut off all those daydreams where I was normal, even though that’s what I wanted.”