She searched his face. "It that what is truly troubling you, Rhanu?"
He lowered his head. "No. This morning…I wanted to feed. I wanted to tear at raw flesh, to sink my teeth in its throat and taste the hot blood. I could not even remember who I was. My only focus was the hunt, the thrill of the kill. Barra! What have you done to me?" His voice trembled as he stared at his hands. "I don't know if I can control these feelings. This morning I did not want to. What happens if I can't come back?"
"There is no shame in being afraid, Rhanu."
He frowned. "Afraid?"
Her face softened. "Even the warrior knows fear in the face of the unknown. But you must trust me, Rhanu. I have never been more certain about anything as I am about you. Like Marcellus, you are a man who will change many things. Let me guide you."
He was suddenly aware of her proximity, and how small his tent was. Something about her always made him feel…unbalanced.
"Is that why you are constantly around? Am I some tool for you to use to your advantage?"
He felt a stab of guilt at his words, but Ayna's composure remained unruffled. "Why would you say that?"
"I have seen it time after time. Those with power manipulate those beneath them to bolster their hold on supremacy. You are a priestess in this land. How do I know you are not using me to raise your own prominence?"
He expected a scornful reply, but her face was surprisingly empathetic. "I do not know of your homeland, Rhanu. But not all are as you say. The Sha could be powerful if we chose to force our influence on the people. But we do not. We are taught that power is a valuable asset, but a corruptive one as well."
He paused, feeling oddly hesitant. "I saw you. Not like this, but in your wolf form. Everyone had left with Marcellus, and I came outside for the first time after being healed. You were the wolf I saw."
"Yes." The light gathered in her eyes, making them glow.
"You don't seem to change your form often like the others. I've never actually seen you do it. Why?"
"When you are gifted with power, sometimes you are better served the less you use it, not the more often."
He paused in contemplation. "I don't understand."
"You will." She smiled faintly. "What is the land like where you come from?"
His tone grew wistful. "Hot and harsh. The sun is a forge, and the air a hammer. There is no green save in sparse patches. All around is an ocean of sand, with waves that move with the wind. The plants have spikes and thorns. The animals are killers; even the insects can carry deadly venom. Yet from that realm of assured death rose my people: warriors and philosophers, craftsmen and teachers. We conquered that harsh land and built a civilization never seen before, nor will be seen again when our time is past."
Ayna nodded slowly. "That is where your pride and strength come from. Do you miss it?"
"I have every day since I left." He grinned at the contradictory thought, but it was true.
"Do you think you will return?"
He gazed out of the tent entry, where fog drifted slowly, smothering the view of beyond. "Truly, I have nothing there to return to. I forsook my life there to die fighting the odji who slaughtered my family."
"That was when you came upon the medallion, wasn't it?"
He could not meet her gaze. He stared at his hands instead. "Yes. When they murdered my sister."
She knelt and laid her hand on his arm. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No."
"You must have been close to her."
"We were…twins. My first memories are not of my parents, but of her. She was always there. We learned to crawl together, walk, and speak together." He smiled. "We would talk as one person, finish each other's sentences. Our parents could never separate us, even though she was a girl and I a boy, bound for different destinies in our society. I was to be a mdjai—a warrior in a host of thousands, hardly higher than a slave. She was to be some mdjai's wife. We could look to nothing greater. It was the predetermined course of our low birth."
"What happened?"
"Alayah happened." Rhanu paused. "She was the daughter of the Anokfero — the ruler of Hikuptah. You must understand that the Anokfero was a living god to us. We worshipped him as we did the sun, and feared him as we did famine or the raging storm. His children were not gods, but might as well have been."
"How were you able to meet her, then?"
"A cruel twist of fate. My sister was beautiful, you see. Though young, she already had men higher than our rank asking for her hand. She was betrothed to a general old enough to be her father. My parents felt it a great honor, for the union would enrich our house and raise our standard of life. Her children would not have to toil as we did. But Alayah spotted Tameri in a crowd of thousands. Struck by her beauty, she pressed Tameri into her service as her handmaiden. Tameri was terrified. She begged that I be allowed to enter the household guard, so she would not be alone."
Ayna tilted her head. "And eventually the daughter of the Anokfero fell in love with a simple soldier."
Rhanu's face jerked in surprise. "Is it that obvious?"
"It is in your eyes, Rhanu. You are not good at hiding your feelings."
Rhanu sighed. "Indeed. That was the case then, as well. Alayah loved my sister and eventually came to love me as well, although our relationship went further. It had to remain a secret, of course. I would have been slain instantly had the truth been revealed. I was a fool, lost in the intoxicating rush of my first love. I thought myself invincible; unable to stop what I knew could only end in tragedy. I didn't for a second consider the ramification of my actions. No secret that big could be contained. I always knew they would come for me, and I thought myself willing to pay the price. But it was not me they came for. My parents paid the price, suffering slow and torturous deaths. Tameri was next."
Rhanu cleared his throat. He felt the pain once more, raw and throbbing. Ayna said nothing, but gently squeezed his hand.
Rhanu's voice grew hoarse, but the words spilled as though a dam had broken. "The Lektor took her. All feared the tattooed priests, for they were in service of Sokhet, the High Priestess. She was said to be immortal, a woman of undying beauty and influence. Even the Anokfero feared her powers. But I could not let her have my sister."
"What did you do?"
"I incited a revolt. The slaves numbered more than we did, and tired of their mistreatment. They needed only a spark to ignite them. I was that spark. I learned much in that moment of madness. I learned the Anokfero was no god, for he did not survive my blade in his heart. And I learned of the power the Lektor guarded with their lives. As the slaves sacked the city, I led a band into the depths of Sokhet's temple. It was there I took the medallion, the object the priests valued so highly. It was there I learned of the existence of the odji, and it was there I found my sister, too late to save her. It was there that I became a monster."
He cut off, his throat ragged. "I earned the name Rhanu, meaning Godslayer. Alayah hated me for my actions, but feared me as they all did. I could have taken the kingdom for myself, but I spurned that city of lies and pursued the trails of the odji that escaped, trying to track Sokhet and destroy her. I have pursued that vengeance ever since, but have never found her."
Ayna's eyes glistened. "I'm so sorry, Rhanu."
He smiled bitterly. "Such is the way of the fragile business of love. I have never spoken of it to anyone. I don't know why I tell you."
"Do you regret doing so?"
Rhanu exhaled. It felt as though a great weight had lifted from his shoulders. "No. I am glad to be able to finally talk about it. What about you? How is it that one so beautiful has no mate?"