‘I had him help with some mason work months ago,’ said Breck. ‘He took it on himself to build those fortifications. If battle comes I’m putting him in charge there.’
Murdon looked up with some alarm. ‘In charge where? The west wing?’
‘To protect the civilians, yes,’ said Breck. ‘He can do it. He’s got the heart for it.’
‘I’m not arguing about his heart,’ said Murdon. ‘It’s his head that bothers me.’
Lukien had already noticed how easily Murdon got away with things. Breck was indeed easy with him. And he knew there was truth in Murdon’s suspicions; Breck had already told Lukien about Van’s chequered past. But they all had chequered pasts now, didn’t they?
‘I think Van will do fine,’ Lukien spoke up. He looked around the table. The men had been surprised by his statement. He met their gazes one by one. ‘And I think Van’s right. Everyone’s just sitting here, dancing around the truth.’
‘What is the truth, Lukien?’ Breck challenged. ‘That we’re in danger? We’re all facing it, don’t fret. Every day we stare it in the face.’
It was plain that Breck didn’t want to talk about it. Lukien backed off. Wiping his face, he stood up and politely excused himself from the table. He wasn’t angry with Breck, just embarrassed, and knew he shouldn’t have said anything at all. But he had made his decision, and knew also that someone else was owed an explanation. Crossing the mess, he went to Mirage’s table. Breck’s wife Kalla was the first to spot him. When she did, the conversation among her women stopped. Lukien tilted his head toward her, for she was something like a queen among these ladies.
‘Excuse me,’ he said. He looked at Mirage. ‘Can we talk, please?’
Mirage’s expression was hopeful as she glanced at her friends. She pushed her plate forward and stood. ‘Yes, of course,’ she said, her voice a bit shaky. Her anxiousness reminded Lukien of how young she really was. It was unseemly to interrupt the way he had, but something inside Lukien told him not to wait any more. There was a table near the entrance that was empty. Lukien pointed toward it.
‘We can talk over there,’ he said to Mirage. ‘It won’t take long.’
The girl’s magically made face deflated. ‘Oh. Well, what is it then? If it won’t take long you might just as well tell me here.’
Lukien’s lips twisted in a plea. ‘Mirage. .’
She relented and awkwardly went toward the little table, her face reddening. Despite Lukien’s protests, everyone in the library still thought them spatting lovers, and Mirage had really done nothing to dispel the notion. And though he was more than twice her age, Lukien admitted liking the attention, especially from Breck’s younger soldiers. He followed Mirage to the table, ignoring the temporary stares of those around them, and waited for her to seat herself. Instead of taking the place beside her, he sat down on the other side of the table. At first Mirage regarded him coolly, but when she saw his troubled face she touched his hand.
‘Lukien? What is it?’
Lukien reached out and took her hand. It would be the last time he would explain this to her, perhaps the last time he would speak to her tenderly.
‘I want you to go,’ he said.
Mirage hesitated. ‘Go? What do you mean?’
‘It isn’t safe here any more. I thought it was but I was wrong. You can’t stay here any more, Mirage.’ Lukien lowered his voice. ‘It’s time for you to leave.’
A peculiar expression came over the girl’s face, as though she had been preparing for this conversation all along. ‘Lukien, where will I go?’ she asked. ‘There is nowhere for me except here. I belong with you. We came here together.’
‘Aye, but we can’t stay together. That was never part of our bargain. I brought you with me because I was heading north and you insisted on coming. I kept you safe, but I can’t keep you safe any longer.’
‘Why? What’s happened?’
‘Nothing has happened, not yet! But don’t you see the danger? Mirage, Thorin isn’t coming back. You and I might have thought so, but we were wrong. It was wrong of us to wait so long. He’s in danger, or dead. Maybe captured, I don’t know. But he’s not coming back and that means Jazana Carr is coming.’
Mirage shook her head. ‘No. I’m not leaving.’
‘Listen to me, girl. I’m talking about war. Do you know what happens to women in war? They don’t get the luxury of dying in battle.’
‘Stop trying to frighten me, Lukien.’
‘God’s above, I’m trying to make you listen. Just once, Meriel, listen to me.’ He let go of her hand and hardened his expression. ‘I do not love you.’
‘You do,’ the girl insisted. Tears struggled in her eyes. ‘I see it when you look at me.’
‘No, not that way. I care about you, yes, but you want a man to take you to his bed and make you his forever. I will never do that. My heart belongs to another and always shall.’
Mirage could not bring herself to look around the room, though they both knew others were watching. Her lower lip shuddered.
‘No,’ she whispered. ‘I do not believe you. You have not even tried to love me. You would rather go on pitying yourself.’ She looked at him sharply. ‘How long will you do that, Lukien? Forever? Until you die? And mark me — that will be a very long time yet, as long as you wear that amulet.’ She sat back. ‘Well, I have time too, and I will not leave here. I have nowhere to go and no one else who cares about me. I would rather die here than leave.’
‘Great Fate, you are made of iron,’ lamented Lukien. ‘How can I make you bend? You need to see the truth, and I cannot make you see.’ He looked at her, as closely as he could, but there was not a single flaw in her mask, nothing to reveal the frightened girl beneath her magic veil. He realised sadly that the mask blinded not just others, but her as well. ‘I have not told you everything yet,’ he said softly. ‘If you will not leave and I cannot convince you, then at least you must know what I’ve planned. I am leaving, Meriel, and where I’m going you may not follow.’
The girl’s face went ashen. ‘Leaving?’ She glanced around to make sure no one overheard. ‘Lukien, how can you? You promised Breck-’
‘Wait, you don’t understand. I’m not going back to Grimhold, Meriel.’
‘Mirage,’ she insisted. ‘Do not call me that old name!’
‘I’ve played your game long enough,’ Lukien snapped. ‘You are Meriel, no matter what you call yourself. These others may not know you but I do, girl. I know what you were before this magic changed you.’
The girl eased back from the table. ‘Lower your voice,’ she implored. ‘Please, Lukien — you must call me Mirage. It is the bargain I struck with Minikin so that I could remain this way.’
‘Yes, so you could lure me into a love trap.’
‘So I could be whole,’ Mirage insisted. ‘Where are you going? After Thorin?’
Lukien nodded. ‘I have to.’
‘Oh? And what about your promise to Breck?’
‘Breck knows why I came here,’ said Lukien. ‘To find Thorin, to help him if I can. I’m not leaving them. I’m just doing what I came here to do. I’ll fight Jazana any way I can.’
The girl rolled her pretty eyes. ‘Is that what you’re telling yourself? It’s a lie, Lukien. You’re just running away.’
‘I am not running! If I can reach Thorin then maybe I can save everyone here. Even you, you ignorant girl.’
‘Lukien, listen to yourself. What makes you think you can save him all by yourself?’
‘I have the amulet,’ said Lukien. He was extra careful to moderate his voice, for he had not told anyone about the amulet, though he knew there had been rumours about him and his magical existence. ‘Minikin told me there was a way for me to reach Thorin and defeat the armour. No one here can do it. If I can reach him before it’s too late. .’ He shrugged, because he knew how hopeless it sounded. ‘I have to try, Meriel. Can you understand that?’
The girl’s young face softened. ‘I do understand. But what will you tell Breck?’
‘The truth. He’ll understand. If I can come back I will. And if I succeed I’ll have spared him a terrible fate. All of you, really.’