To what? “
“Does that matter?”
“It is going to matter a great deal to you. What will you do, tell me that? Will you go back to your schoolhouse? With Master Joel likely to come home at any time. Not likely.”
“I have a little money…”
“Not enough, my brave darling. I see I have been too rash. I have spoken too soon. You came and caught me off my guard. God knows, I have curbed myself long enough. What do you think I am made of, ice maiden? You were meant for me. I knew it from the moment you came into my bedchamber and when I saw the rose colour creep up from your neck to your forehead. I like to embarrass you, for then I put you at a disadvantage. I like to quarrel with you. I like our battles of words.
There should be a rich climax to our quarrels. I often think of that.
Since I have known you I have no fancy for anyone else. “
“I hope that has not inconvenienced your mistresses.”
“A little, as you can imagine,” he said with a smile.
Then it is time I went and equilibrium was restored. “
He burst into laughter.
“Dearest Minelle, I often think what a fool young Joel was. He could have offered you marriage. Would to God I could! If I could take your hand now and say: Be my wife, I should be the happiest man in France.”
“Meanwhile you congratulate yourself on your inability to do so and save yourself from an act of such folly.”
You and I together . what joy we’d have. I know it. I know women. ”
“You do not have to assure me of that.”
“I sense those hidden depths. Oh Minelle, my love, we would have sons, you and I. You are made to bear sons. Come down from that pedestal and be happy. Let us take the next best thing.”
I cannot remain to listen to more of this. I find it offensive. Your invalid wife is under this very roof. “
“Much she cares. All she wants is to lie on her bed and complain of her countless ailments to her doting nurse who encourages her.”
“I see you are of a very sympathetic nature!”
“Minelle …”
I went to the door and he did not attempt to stop me. I was half glad, half sorry. I was terrified that he would take me firmly into his arms for when he did I could not but be aware of that potent attractiveness, and could almost imagine myself casting away the teachings of a lifetime. It was alarming. It was the real reason why I knew I must get away.
I ran to my room, shut the door and sat down at the mirror. I hardly recognized myself. My cheeks were flaming red and my hair dishevelled.
I could almost see my mother’s disapproving look and hear her admonition: “I should start packing right away. You are in acute danger. You cannot leave this house too soon.”
She was right, of course. By her standards I had been insulted. The Comte Fontaine Delibes was suggesting that I became his mistress. I would never have believed such a thing possible. Nor could I have believed I should feel this wild temptation. It was that which told me I must get away.
I started to take out my clothes and fold them.
“Where will you go?” asked my practical self.
“I don’t know. I’ll get a home somewhere. I’ll take a post. I have a little money. Perhaps I could go back to Derringham and try to open a school, and start again. I am more experienced of life now. I might make a success of it.”
Then I sat down and covered my face with my hands. It was as though desolation was closing in around me.
There was a tap on my door. Before I could answer, Margot burst in, her face distorted in horror as she flung herself at me.
“Minelle, we’ve got to run away. I won’t stay here. I can’t do it. I won’t.”
What do you mean? What has happened? “
“My father has just told me.”
I looked at her in amazement. He must have sent for her as soon as I had left him.
“The Vicomte de Grasseville has asked for my hand. He is a family equal to our own, and Papa has accepted him for me. At this ball we shall be affianced and married within a month. I won’t have it. I am so miserable, Minelle. The only thing that consoles me is that you are here.”
“I shall not be staying here long.”
“No. You will come with me. You will, won’t you? It’s the only way I would consider it.”
“Margot, I have to tell you. I am planning to leave.”
“What, leave here! Why?”
“Because I feel I must get back.”
“You mean you would leave me }’ ” It’s better for me to go, Margot.”
“Oh!” She let out a long wail and started to weep. Her sobs shook her and she made no effort to restrain them.
“I’m so unhappy, Minelle. If you’re here I can bear it. We can laugh together. You can’t go. I won’t let you.” She looked at me appealingly.
“We’re going to get Chariot back together. We’re going to think of a plan. You promised . you promised. Everything can’t go wrong. If I’ve got to marry this Grasseville, then you’ll be with me.” She started to laugh and that always frightened me; the mingling of tears and laughter could be terrifying.
“Stop it, Margot,” I cried.
“Stop it.”
“I can’t help it. It’s funny… funny …”
I took her by the shoulders and shook her Tragically funny,” she said, but she was quieter. She leaned against me and went on: ” You won’t go yet, Minelle. Promise me, oh promise me not yet. “
To soothe her I said not yet. Then I was committed to stay for a little while.
I wondered then whether he had broken the news to her because he knew what her reception of it would be. He was diabolically clever, I knew, and adept at getting his own way. That was what frightened me, and yet in an odd way-of which neither I nor my mother could approve it exhilarated me.
The dressmaker came but I refused to accept the blue material and said that I would not have it made up. Margot was frantic.
“You must come to the ball,” she cried.
“How can you fail me? I shall be forced to accept this Robert de Grasseville and I know I shall hate him. What shall I do? I can only bear it if you come.”
“I have not a suitable gown,” I said firmly, ‘and I am determined not to accept such a gift from your father. “
She paced up and down, talking of her yearning for Chariot, telling me that life was cruel. was cruel. I knew how wretched she was and I wouldn’t help her.p>
I assured her that I would do anything to help her.
“Anything?” she demanded dramatically.
“Anything that is honourably possible.”
She bad an idea. As I was so proud she would sell me one of her gowns.
We could have it changed and add to it. I could buy some ribbons and laces and make a new gown of it and have the satisfaction of paying for it.
She was immediately gay contemplating it.
“Imagine Papa’s face when he sees you. Oh, Minelle, we’ll do it. It’ll be such fun!”
I gave way to please her. No, that’s not true. To please myself. I too, should like to see his face. He thought he had won a temporary victory, but I should show him that he had not. I would take nothing from him; I was determined to show him that his suggestion was repulsive to me and that I deeply resented it. He must know that I was only staying on Margot’s account. As soon as she was married to her Vicomte I should go.
I did want to attend the ball, though. I knew that it would be more grand than anything I had ever conceived. I wanted to see the Comte among his guests. He would probably not deign to notice me in spite of his protestations. I wondered whether Gabrielle LeGrand would be present.
I entered into the conspiracy of the dress, I must admit, with enthusiasm. At least it kept Margot happy. While she was laughing over the matter and going through her wardrobe making me try on this and that and laughing at the effect of some, she was not thinking of her future.