I have promised them that when I go to Grasseville, they shall come and they can marry then. They will be so absorbed in each other . that they won’t notice much. In any case they would do anything for me.”
I thought it was a wild plan, but as I had done before, I allowed Margot to go along with her dream. It was on occasions such as this that she could become hysterical and when she did I had noticed that it was almost always where Chariot was concerned.
I would never have suspected Margot of having deep maternal feelings, but she was always unpredictable; and I supposed that even those who would on the surface seem to make the most unlikely mothers, change once a child is born to them.
So eagerly did she discuss the plan that she scarcely mentioned the stone through the window.
“Oh that,” she said eventually.
“It’s happening all over the country.
People take little notice of it. “
At last she went. I felt tired but unable to sleep and when I did I dreamed vague and ugly dreams, but of which Leon’s face, distorted with hatred, kept coming towards me.
The household was now dominated by plans for Margot’s wedding. Annette declared herself to be distracted. She would never, never finish in time, she declared. Materials were not the right colours; nothing fitted as it should and Margot’s wardrobe would be a disaster.
Meanwhile beautiful garments continued to be turned out.
Margot was gleeful parading for me in them. She wanted to give me some of her old garments which Annette could ‘tone up’ as she called it. I bought a few and under Annette’s tuition made some alterations myself.
“You will need some clothes when we go to Paris,” said Margot, and whenever she mentioned the trip her eyes would sparkle and I knew she was thinking of what she called ‘the plan’.
We rode a good deal. She, Leon, Etienne and I. Sometimes the Comte joined us and when he did he always contrived to lose the others so that he and I were alone. They were aware of his intentions and as usual tried to please him. Against four of them I was helpless so I often found myself alone with him.
“And so we go on,” he said to me one day.
“We do not progress very fast, do we?”
“In what way?”
Towards the blissful end which awaits us both. “
“You are in a mocking mood, I see.”
“I am always in an excellent mood when I am with you. That is a good augury for the future.”
“It certainly shows that you can be good-humoured when you wish.”
“No, only when I am happy and that is not always for me to decide.”
“I should have thought a man such as you could control his moods.”
“It is something I have never learned to do. Perhaps you will teach me, because you control yours admirably. Were you disturbed on the night of the ball when the stone came through the window?”
“I was horrified.”
“Some wretched peasant.”
“Have you any idea who?”
“It could have been anyone from the neighbouring villages.”
“Your own vassals.”
“What an expression! Yes, it might well have been one of my own vassals. In fact, I’d wager that it was.”
“And it disturbs you.”
“A broken window is a bagatelle. It is the implication behind it which disturbs. Sometimes I feel as though the entire structure of society is slipping.”
“Can you not do something to make it steady?”
He shook his head.
“Something should have been done fifty years ago.
Perhaps we shall come through this. God knows my country has been buffeted enough over the centuries . yours too. You people are different. Less fiery. It may well be that they would pause long enough to ask themselves what the consequences of revolution would be.
We are more impulsive. You see the difference in our natures . reflected in you and me. You are calm; you hide the tumult within. You are adept at it. I’ll warrant your mother taught you that it was ill-bred to show your feelings. Oh, Minelle, I would give a great deal to go off with you . alone . to some remote spot. out of prance . perhaps to an island somewhere in the middle of a blue tropical sea where you and I would be together . alone. So much to do . so much to talk of . There we could live and love in peace. “
I was deeply touched by his serious mood, but he was right. I had been taught to hide my feelings when my judgement told me it would be wise to do so. I said: “I am sure you would be weary of your island in less than a week. In fact I hardly think you would give it as long.”
“Let us try it and see if you are right. Shall we?”
“Such a question does not need an answer. You must know that I am going to leave here. I am staying only until Margot is happily settled. Then I shall go back to England.”
“And penury.”
“I may be fortunate. I am not without qualifications.”
“No. I am sure you would make a success of whatever you set your mind to. You would have continued with the school but for that stupid oaf Joel. What a fool! Perhaps one day he will realize what he has missed and come back to try again. There is one question I want to ask you, Minelle, and I want a. serious answer. I know that you disapprove of my way of life. Believe me, it is a matter of upbringing. I live as my ancestors have lived. It is the custom of the regime. You have been brought up differently. To you I seem excessively wicked … immoral and ruthless. Admit it.”
“I admit it,” I said.
“And yet, tell the truth, Minelle, you are not without some regard for me?”
I paused and he went on: “Come. You are not afraid to tell the truth, are you?”
“I believe,” I replied, ‘that when a man expresses admiration for a woman, he so appeals to her vanity that it is hard for her not to feel favourably towards one whom-if she is honest-she must admire for his good taste. For there is none who, in her heart, despises herself.”
He laughed again.
“Enchanting as ever, my dearest Minelle,” he said, “So in admiring you I have won a little of your approval. You know the extent of my ” admiration so I deserve a great deal of your esteem. “
“I could never trust you,” I said seriously.
“You have loved many women.”
“Experience is always valuable-no matter in what field and mine teaches me that I have never loved anyone as I love you.”
“The current one is always the most loved,” I said.
“You have become a cynic.”
“No. I am learning to be a realist.”
“Sometimes-life being what it is-it’s the same thing. But you still do not answer my question. I have a wife. I am not free to marry therefore. If I were …”
“But you are not free …”
“I may be … some day. I am asking you to tell me what your answer would be if I came to you with an honourable proposal of marriage.”
“Which you would not offer if you were free to because you must see that a marriage between us would be highly unsuitable.”
“I think it would be the most suitable that was ever made.”
“What! The noble count and the failed schoolmistress.”
“He is in great need of the tuition she will give him.”
“You are laughing at me.”
“No,” he said seriously.
“I want you to teach me how to be humble and human, how to enjoy what is best in life. I want you to show me how to be happy.”
“You have a high opinion of my qualifications.”
“But I am sure I assess them correctly. You see how I dote on you. Do your feelings for me increase as you discover what mine are for you?”
“I am suspicious. I know that you are adept at getting what you want from women. It must be interesting to discover various ways of wooing them.”