Keeping a close watch on Der Jäger out of the corner of my eye, I hurried over to where Brian lay, still not moving. I knelt beside him and was so relieved I could have cried when I saw his chest rise and fall.
Blood coated his lips and chin, and I hoped to God nothing was broken.
“Brian?” I said, smoothing his hair back from his face. “Can you hear me?”
His lashes fluttered for a moment; then he opened his eyes. I swallowed convulsively to keep myself from bawling like a baby. Brian blinked and groaned, and I knew instinctively that he was going to try to get up, so I put a hand firmly in the center of his chest.
“Take it slow,” I ordered him.
“The demon—”
I hushed him with a shake of my head. “He’s out of commission for the moment,” I assured him, jerking my chin in Der Jäger’s direction. Brian turned his head to look, then winced. I bet he had one hell of a headache. “Are you all right?” I asked, because I couldn’t not ask.
Brian pushed himself up on his elbows, and I allowed it. He then spit out a mouthful of blood. “Could have been worse,” he mumbled. “Much worse.”
I helped him sit up. “Still have all your teeth?”
He grimaced. “All still here, but one feels loose and one feels broken. Guess I’ll be paying a call on the dentist tomorrow.”
“I’m so sorry—”
“Not your fault.” I opened my mouth to protest my guilt more vehemently, but he stared me into silence. “We’ve got more important things to think about right now,” he said, and reluctantly I followed his gaze to where Der Jäger lay.
He was twitching now, but didn’t seem to have enough control of his limbs even to sit up. I double-checked the charge on the stun gun anyway.
“What are we going to do with him?” Brian asked softly.
Nausea roiled in my stomach. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what had to be done. Der Jäger knew far too much, and was far too dangerous, to be allowed to return to the Demon Realm. He had to die.
But killing him meant killing my father, and I didn’t know if I was capable of doing it.
CHAPTER 27
I felt the pressure of Brian’s eyes on me as his question hung unanswered. During the brief time I’d been under Lugh’s control back when I’d almost been burned at the stake, he had used me to help Raphael burn another demon host alive. In that case, both the demon and his host had richly deserved it, and yet everything inside me had recoiled at the idea. I’m sure if Lugh weren’t with me to keep me from dreaming anything he doesn’t want me to dream, I’d have had nightmares about that. But bad as it had been, how much worse would it be when the host was the man who’d raised me since birth?
My head swam, and for a moment I thought I might faint.
I shook my head violently to clear it. Oh, no. I was not going to faint. That might be the easy way out—faint dead away and let Lugh take care of the ugly business—but I’ve never been one to do anything the easy way. And if I was going to condone burning a man alive, I had damn well better step up to the plate and admit it.
“Can you exorcize the demon?” Brian asked me, and I realized I’d neglected to mention to him my hard-won revelation that exorcism merely sends demons back to the Demon Realm.
I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat as I pushed myself to my feet. “Possibly. Unfortunately, I found out from Lugh that exorcism doesn’t actually kill them. And Der Jäger has to die.”
Der Jäger had been fixing me with a baleful, hostile glare the whole time. But when he heard my words, his eyes went wide, and an expression that looked a lot like fear crossed his face. He opened his mouth to say something, but I didn’t want to hear it, so I gave him another jolt. His body convulsed with the new dose of electricity, and he couldn’t control my father’s mouth enough to form words.
“You can’t be serious,” Brian said quietly, and I realized he’d managed to drag himself to his feet beside me.
I didn’t answer.
“Jesus, Morgan! That’s your father!”
“No shit?” I retorted, in what was supposed to sound like an angry voice. I think it came out more like hysteria.
“Surely there has to be a better way,” Brian said, but it sounded more like a question than a statement.
My heart was jackhammering again, and I swayed dizzily. How much easier it would be if I’d just let myself pass out! I could wash my hands of all responsibility. I wouldn’t have to kill my dad, and I wouldn’t have to see the horrified look in Brian’s eyes.
I felt Lugh once again knocking on the doors of my mind, but I locked them up tight. If I could have thrown away the keys, I would have.
“If you’ve got a better idea how to neutralize him without killing him, I’m all ears,” I heard myself saying. It was almost like I was having an out-of-body experience, my soul trying to retreat from the horrible reality of what I had to do. I kept reminding myself that my dad was long gone, buried in some deep, dark oubliette inside his own mind. Better for him to die than to live like that for the rest of his life.
But would he live like that the rest of his life? After all, Andy had made it back, and he’d had Raphael in his head for ten years. My father couldn’t have had Der Jäger for even twenty-four hours yet. My heart thudded. It didn’t matter what he’d allowed Cooper and Neely to do to me. It didn’t matter that he’d never really loved me. It didn’t matter that he was cold and unfeeling and could be downright nasty. It didn’t even matter that he wasn’t biologically my father. He was my dad.
Demons adhere to a strict code of morality wherein the ends justify the means. Even the nicest, kindest, gentlest of them would not hesitate to do the “right thing” in my position. But as I looked at my father sprawled on the ground with a sociopathic demon staring out of his eyes, I knew I didn’t have what it takes.
I winced in pain as Lugh started pounding on my skull again. I wasn’t hearing his voice in my head at the moment, but I knew what he was thinking.
“Are you all right?” Brian asked, putting his hand on my arm and peering into my face with obvious concern.
I couldn’t imagine what expression I must have been wearing to make him look at me like that when he still thought I was about to commit patricide. I whimpered as Lugh kept up his assault.
“You’re right,” I gasped to Brian as I tried to remember how to breathe through the pain of keeping my mental doors shut. “I can’t kill him.” In reality, I wasn’t really sure I could have done it even if the host hadn’t been my dad. Shit, what kind of person has what it takes to burn another human being alive? Not the kind of person I want to be, that’s for sure. And that was even if I could work out the logistics of how to do it without being arrested for murder.
“What’s the matter with you?” Brian asked, and I would have been touched by the worry in his voice if I didn’t hurt so damn much.
“Lugh is trying his best to take over. I can’t let him or he’ll take the decision out of both of our hands.” I was glad for Brian’s hands on my shoulders. I needed an anchor as the pain threatened to wash me away.
“What are you going to do?”
Another whimper crawled up my throat, and I wondered how long it would be before I passed out from the pain. “I’d exorcize him if Lugh would only let up, but I don’t think he’s going to. We need to get out of here before Lugh wins.”
I twisted out of Brian’s grip, hurting too much to talk anymore. He watched me with haunted eyes. “But even if you exorcized him, he could just come back in another host, right? And he’ll come after you again.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose, not that it helped. “It doesn’t matter,” I insisted, though I knew it did. “I can’t kill my own father.” I was disoriented in the darkened woods and had no idea which direction the parking lot was, but I knew I had to get out of here soon. I couldn’t take much more.