“Certainly the more dominant,” Anna interjected.
“Call it what you will. I’ve always been more reticent and invisible. The guy in the corner who never said much. Cecilie had courage. She set the agenda. Allocated roles and it suited both of us very well. At political meetings, Cecilie would speak out with a clear vision. I wrote whatever needed writing, but I never said anything. I’m sure people wondered what she saw in me. But we complemented each other. Cecilie was extrovert, vociferous, radical. I was loyal, flexible, and I worshipped her. That’s why we split up. Because it just wouldn’t work. Cecilie wanted a challenge. I tried, but I couldn’t give her what she wanted. And yet, we’ve never separated properly. We still loved each other, Anna. We still do. And, back then… back then she asked me to keep silent about what had happened. She wanted to forget it. She wanted to start over, wipe the slate clean. She couldn’t see why we should stir up something it would be in everyone’s best interests to forget. Not least you. Deep down I always knew there would be consequences. But she convinced me it was for the best. As a teenager you were unbelievably angry with us. We discussed at length whether you might have some lingering notion of what had happened. An imprint on your earliest memory, perhaps? Cecilie consulted several experts and received a lot of contradictory information, which only served to confuse us even more. In the middle of it all, Troels entered our lives. By the way, Troels… he dropped by…” Jens hesitated. He had interrupted himself and shook his head.
“We knew we loved you. We knew we had patched up the past as well as we could, and though you were one angry teenager, you were also utterly gorgeous. Extroverted and full of life. We met Troels and saw in him a child who so obviously needed us. Cecilie, especially, saw him as a project. At times, it was almost too much. I was terrified that you might get jealous. Luckily, you were also very fond of him. ‘Here’s a boy who’s never had anything,’ Cecilie said one evening. I don’t quite know how this related to you, but somehow it did. The reasoning was…” He looked away. “There was always someone worse off.” Anna flexed her foot in irritation.
“Dad,” Anna said quietly. “Have you ever asked Cecilie about those two months? When I lost weight, when I grew nonresponsive?” She twisted the knife deliberately. Jens looked at her for a long time. He shifted in his armchair.
“No,” he gulped, eventually. “I’ve never asked her.” He slumped back in his chair like a fallen king. Anna could see he was bracing himself for the worst, but she felt calm inside.
“That’s all right,” she said. “I will.”
Jens gave his daughter a wretched look, but he said nothing.
“You and I have looked after Mom my whole life,” Anna continued. “Because Mom had been ill. Mom was frail. Please, don’t shout, no, don’t tell Mom, it’ll only upset her. You’ve protected her because you thought it was for the best. I understand.” Anna leaned forward across the coffee table and looked straight into Jens’s eyes.
“But it was a shitty thing to do, Jens Nor,” she said. “It really was. And now it’s over.”
Anna glanced at her watch. Professor Freeman’s lecture was starting in half an hour. She had to go. They got up and walked to the door. Anna had put her hand on the handle when she turned around and pulled her father toward her.
“Silly old fool,” she said. “That’s what you are.” Jens rested his head on her shoulder and let himself be held. He still hadn’t spoken. It wasn’t until she was some way down the walkway that he called out to her.
“Anna, hold on.” He came up to her, shivering in the cold. “What I was about to tell you just now… about Troels. I nearly forgot. But he was here the other day. Wednesday night.” Anna stopped on the stairs and walked back up two steps. Something inside her turned to ice.
“Here?”
“Yes, I was dozing in front of the TV when I was woken up by a knock on the door. It was Troels. I could barely recognize him! We tried to figure out how long it had been. Ten years, we concluded. I made him some tea, he was shivering with cold. He had been to the Student Union, he said, and decided to drop by on his way home. It appears he has been trying to contact you. I was excited he wanted to apply to the arts school. I never really had much faith in the modeling business. And Karen. Troels told me she is already studying there. That’s brilliant, eh? Did you know? I’m so pleased you’ve started seeing each other again.” Jens suddenly looked happy. Then he noticed the expression on Anna’s face.
“What’s wrong?”
“That’s weird.” Anna hesitated. “Because I saw Troels yesterday. In the street. And he never mentioned he had tried to get hold of me.”
“He seemed a little out of it, to be honest.” Jens was really freezing now. “At first I thought he might be on drugs. He was shaking and seemed a bit manic. But it stopped once he came inside and warmed up. And he was ridiculously underdressed. I lent him a sweater. Both his parents have died, did you know? First his mom, breast cancer, and then his dad, the year before last. Troels told me he hadn’t seen much of his dad since his mom died, and his sister is a lawyer working here in Copenhagen. I don’t think he sees much of her, either…” Jens tailed off.
“Karen and I have agreed to meet with him. I just need to get a few things out of the way. My dissertation defense and… Cecilie.”
“Do the right thing, sweetheart,” Jens said. Anna was on the verge of asking if that meant she should keep her mouth shut, but she suppressed her antagonism.
“I will, Dad,” she said quietly. Then she walked quickly down to Nørreport station and took the metro to the Bella Centre.
Anna stuck her key in the lock just before eight o’clock. Karen and Lily were playing with Play-Doh in the living room. Lily was in her PJs and wore a plastic apron. She could hear music in the background and on the table lay four colorful drawings, a combination of Lily’s shapes and Karen’s eye for color matching.
“They’re lovely,” Anna said, and meant it. “Did you make them?” Lily was clinging to her.
“Yes, I did them all on my own with Auntie Karen.”
Anna ate the leftovers from Karen and Lily’s dinner. The kaleidoscope pieces were still whirling around inside her head. Outside, the autumn weather raged; Dr. Tybjerg was hiding in the Vertebrate Collection, and somewhere the World’s Most Irritating Detective was probably putting his feet up after one of his yummy wife’s gourmet dinners. Screw him. Anna’s tomato soup tasted delicious, and when she put her daughter to bed, she snuggled up to her in the darkness and told her a story about a bird that was hatched with skis on its feet. Anna lay next to Lily until she was asleep.
Karen was reading on the sofa when Anna came out and sat down beside her. Karen looked up. What happened? her eyes asked.
“Cecilie suffered from severe postpartum depression when I was born. She was at home with me for the first months until it was discovered how much weight I had lost. She didn’t like feeding me. She was admitted to the hospital, and Jens became a single dad. He called me Sara. When I was nine months old, Cecilie came home. She was well again, or well enough. She didn’t like the name Sara, so I was renamed. Like a computer file.” Anna fell silent. Karen’s jaw dropped.
“Tell me honestly, did you know? Did your mom ever say anything?” Anna looked at Karen.
The light in Karen’s eyes changed, then she cupped Anna’s face in her hands and gently pulled her toward her.