She went into the kitchen, poured a large glass of wine and drank half of it down in one. As she topped up the glass, she thought of Emma and Rachel cowering in a corner, watching their mother being beaten to death. Alone in the silence of her flat it was as if she was there herself, unable to do anything to stop it. She remembered Emma saying how her mother had tried to reach out to them as she lay on the floor in a pool of blood. Jane felt herself welling up with guilt. She snatched a tissue from a box in the kitchen and hurried to the phone. She dialed her parents’ number and her mother answered.
‘I’m so sorry, I let you all down tonight, I should have been there...’
‘That’s all right, dear. I didn’t make anything special, it was only roast chicken with mushroom sauce.’
Jane sniffed, trying not to cry. She realized that deep down, she had been worrying that one of her parents was ill, before a different explanation for Pam’s behavior had become apparent.
‘Are you all right?’ She could hear the concern in her mother’s voice.
‘I’ve had a distressing day, Mum, it’s all been a bit much and I’m really tired. I just feel so bad about not turning up again.’ She blew her nose loudly.
‘Don’t get so upset, sweetheart, your father and I understand how important your work is to you and we’re very proud of all you’ve achieved.’
‘Thank you, Mum, that means a lot to me.’ She wiped her eyes with a tissue.
‘We’re always here for you, Jane. You know we both love you very much.’
‘I love you too, Mum.’
‘Well, I’ve always been a good listener, and I want you to tell me what’s upsetting you.’
She knew she couldn’t say anything about Tony, but could still be truthful.
‘Oh, Mum, it’s just that I’ve been dealing with twin girls whose mother was murdered by their abusive father and they were put into a convent. One of them is deaf and mute, and I just thought how fortunate I am, and always have been, to have you both and I just feel so bad about not having your chicken and mushroom sauce.’
‘Well, I can cook that any time for you. Pam wanted to know if the cap she dropped off was the right one?’
Jane took a deep breath. ‘Yes, Mum, the cap was exactly what I wanted. Is Pam there so I can thank her?’
‘No, Tony picked her and Nathan up a little while ago. I’d hoped they’d stay for a bit longer. Your father and me love being with Nathan.’
‘I haven’t seen Tony for a while — how is he?’ she asked, hating how deceitful she sounded.
‘Funny you should ask, but he looked tired and was very withdrawn, which is unusual for him. I hope he’s not coming down with the flu. I wouldn’t want him to pass it on to Nathan.’
‘He’s probably had a hard few days at work and is feeling exhausted... like me.’
‘I know Tony works hard to provide for Pam and Nathan. Mind you, sometimes I feel she’s a bit harsh with him.’
‘Goodnight, Mum, thanks for your support.’
Jane put the receiver down and wondered if Tony was currently confessing to Pam. The thought that he might reveal her involvement worried her deeply.
Chapter Twenty-Six
It was 11 p.m. and Jane hadn’t been asleep long when she heard the doorbell ring. She turned on the bedside light and got up to see who it was repeatedly pressing the bell.
‘Hang on, I’m coming!’ she shouted as she walked up the hallway.
She opened the door, which was on a safety chain, and, peering around the gap, saw a distraught-looking Pam holding Nathan on one shoulder and a small duffle bag over the other. Jane could see Pam had been crying and realized it would seem strange if she didn’t ask why. She undid the chain and opened the door.
‘What on earth are you doing here?’
Pam started to cry. ‘Tony’s admitted having sex with another woman and I’ve left him. I didn’t want to go to Mum and Dad’s — can I stay with you please?’
‘Oh my God. Of course you can.’ She took the duffle bag from Pam’s shoulder. ‘Put Nathan in my bed for now.’
Jane wondered what Tony had said, but knew if he’d mentioned her involvement at the police station Pam would have flown off the handle and confronted her right away.
‘Do you want a cup of tea?’
‘Have you anything stronger?’
‘I’ve got some brandy.’
‘That and a coffee would be nice.’
While Pam settled Nathan down in bed, Jane poured two large brandies and prepared two cups of coffee while the kettle boiled. She wondered if she should be up front and tell Pam about speaking to Tony after his arrest, or wait and see what Pam said, and if Tony had lied about his arrest, then tell her the truth.
Pam came into the kitchen, tore off a piece of kitchen roll, wiped her eyes and blew her nose. Jane handed her a glass of brandy and she took a sip, then licked her lips.
‘I’m sorry to turn up on your doorstep like this, Jane, but I didn’t know who else to turn to.’ She sounded miserable.
‘I’m always here for you, Pam... you know that.’
‘I told Tony I wanted him out of the house, but he refused to go and kept saying we needed to talk. I told him I didn’t want to be anywhere near him and he begged me to stay, but I packed a bag, took Nathan and left in a cab.’
‘Does he know you’re here?’
‘No, is that a problem?’
‘I’m just concerned he’ll be worried about you and Nathan.’
‘Let’s take our drinks through to the living room.’
Jane sat opposite Pam, who took another large sip of brandy.
‘How did you find out Tony was seeing another woman?’ she asked.
‘I knew something was wrong in the car on the way back from Mum and Dad’s. When I asked him how the stag night was, he seemed nervous and couldn’t look me in the eye. I knew he was hiding something and confronted him after I’d put Nathan to bed. At first, he said he’d had a lot to drink and felt embarrassed because he was sick on the dance floor and got thrown out of the club. I’ve never known Tony be sick from drink and told him to stop lying to me. I picked up the phone and said I was calling his friend Noel to ask what happened.’
‘What did Noel say?’
‘Tony broke down and confessed before he answered the phone.’
Jane needed to know if Tony had told the truth.
‘Confessed to what?’
‘That he’d met some slut called Laura on the stag do last night while they were at the Empire disco in Leicester Square. He screwed her down a dirty alleyway and even tried to blame her for leading him on.’
Jane wondered if her sister may have misinterpreted some of what Tony told her, due to the heartbreak and rage she must have felt at the time of his confession.
‘He actually admitted having sex in an alleyway?’
‘He said they just kissed and touched each other, but I don’t believe him. If it wasn’t more than that, then why go down the alley in the first place?’
‘I’m not condoning what he’s done, Pam, but he must have felt some remorse to confess—’
Pam looked upset. ‘Whose side are you on, Jane? Tony lied and cheated on me. He only confessed because I forced him into a corner.’
‘I know, but he might have been frightened to say anything at first, for fear of losing you and Nathan. If it was just a kiss and cuddle it’s not the end of the world—’
‘I can’t believe I’m hearing this. Especially from a woman who’s never been married and had a string of disastrous relationships — one of them with a married police officer with children, as I recall.’
‘That’s not fair and you know it. I was a naive young probationer at the time, and if I’d had any idea he was married I would never have had a relationship with him.’