‘As I recall, it only ended because he got killed in an explosion during a bank raid.’
Jane was appalled by Pam’s contemptuous remark, but kept calm.
‘That’s a horrible thing to say. He was a respected police officer who died doing a job he loved.’
‘How do you think his wife would have felt if she had known about your affair?’
‘Why are you being so vicious, Pam?’
‘I’ve been hurt, and you don’t seem to care.’ She sniffed.
‘I do care, and the last thing I want to see is you and Tony break up. Being a single parent is not easy and it would be tough on Nathan, too.’
‘You know nothing about raising a child, Jane — so don’t pretend you do.’
‘Maybe not, but I’ve dealt with parents and children who have been affected by broken marriages.’
‘That doesn’t make you a fucking expert! You hardly ever see Nathan because you’re always too busy with your work. In case you’d forgotten, you’re supposed to be his godmother.’
‘Does it make you feel better, having a go at me?’
‘Yes, especially when you speak to me like I’m the one who’s in the wrong.’
Jane was beginning to realize that Tony’s concerns about Pam’s erratic behavior were valid.
‘I’ve never said you did anything wrong, Pam. I’m just worried about you, that’s all.’
‘I don’t need your or anyone else’s sympathy.’
‘Have you been suffering from any sort of anxiety or depression—?’
‘Of course I’m fucking depressed! Wouldn’t you be?’ Pam shouted.
‘If you’d let me finish, I was going to say before Tony was unfaithful.’
The phone started to ring, and Jane wondered if it might be Tony trying to find out where Pam was.
‘I better answer that in case it’s work.’
‘Who else would it bloody well be? Where’s the brandy?’ she asked, holding up her empty glass.
‘In the kitchen, but do you really need another drink?’
Pam ignored her and went to the kitchen while Jane picked up the phone and took it into her bedroom on a long extension lead to take the call.
‘Who’s calling?’ she asked quietly so as not to disturb Nathan, who was sleeping with a pillow either side of him.
‘It’s Dad. Tony’s just phoned asking if Pam was with us. Your mother said no and asked him what’s happened. He said he’d had a row with Pam and she’d walked out with Nathan and he doesn’t know where she’s gone. Your mother’s worried sick.’
‘It’s OK, Dad, Pam and Nathan are here with me and they’re both fine.’
‘Thank God for that. Why are you whispering?’
‘Because Nathan’s asleep next to me and I don’t want to wake him. Tell Mum not to worry and Pam will call her in the morning.’
‘Why can’t she speak to her now?’
‘She’s sleeping and I don’t want to wake her.’
‘What the hell’s going on, Jane?’
‘They’ve had a big row and she just wanted someone to talk to, that’s all.’
‘Has he been having an affair?’
‘I don’t know what they argued about.’
‘I spoke to him on the phone and asked him straight if he was. He said he’d been stupid and kissed another woman, but I could tell it was more than that. I’m not an idiot, Jane. Pam wouldn’t take Nathan if it was just a silly kiss, and I know she always confides in you.’
‘If they want to tell you what it’s all about, that’s up to them — not me.’
Nathan was waking up and starting to grimace. Jane used her shoulder to hold the phone against her ear and turned Nathan slightly on his side. She supported him with one hand and gently rubbed his back with the other, which relaxed him and made him gurgle.
‘I asked Tony if he’d called you and he said he didn’t want to bother you late at night, which seemed a bit strange. I would have thought you’d be the first person he would call if he was so worried about Pam and Nathan.’
‘He’s probably not thinking straight. I’ll call him in a minute and tell him Pam and Nathan are with me.’
‘Why didn’t you call him when she first got there?’
‘Because I thought she’d told him she was going to see me.’ Suddenly the penny dropped. ‘Are you seriously thinking I might be the “other woman”?’
He was slow to answer. ‘No, but I feel you’re hiding something.’
She knew he was suspicious because of the relationship she’d had with a married officer.
Jane sighed. ‘For Christ’s sake, this is all getting out of hand. I haven’t got the time or inclination to explain everything to you tonight, Dad — but let me assure you I’m not having an affair with Tony.’
‘What are you doing with my baby?’ Pam snapped as she entered the bedroom.
‘I thought you said Pam was asleep,’ her father said on hearing her voice.
‘Give him to me.’
Pam snatched Nathan from the bed, making him wail.
‘Be careful, Pam.’
‘Don’t you tell me how to look after my baby!’ she shouted, walking off into the living room.
‘What’s going on, Jane?’ her father asked, hearing Pam’s distress.
‘Everything’s fine—’
‘No, it’s not. Your mother and I are on our way over.’
‘You’ll make matters worse, so stay at home and let me deal with this. Call Tony and tell him Pam and Nathan are fine and with me,’ she said bluntly, then put the phone down and went to the living room.
Pam was crying and kneeling on the floor, holding a distressed Nathan, who was still wailing. As she rocked back and forth to comfort him, Jane knelt beside Pam and put her arm around her.
‘Everything will be all right, Pam. Come and sit on the sofa with me.’ She helped her sister up. ‘Have you got any milk for Nathan?’
Pam nodded. ‘His plastic cup’s in the duffle bag, along with a carton of milk.’
Jane filled the cup with milk and Pam gave it to Nathan, who instantly fell silent as he sucked on the spout.
‘There you go, he was just hungry.’
‘I’m sorry, Jane, I didn’t mean to shout at you. I just feel so tired and irritated all the time, and this mess with Tony has just sent me over the top.’
‘I think you might be suffering from the baby blues, Pam.’
‘I know I am... but I don’t know what to do about it.’
‘Once Nathan’s settled, we can talk about the best way forward.’
When Nathan was asleep Pam put him to bed and Jane made her another coffee. In the kitchen she saw the large brandy Pam had poured for herself and tipped it down the sink.
‘How long have you been feeling like this?’ Jane asked.
‘A few months now, but it comes and goes. Some days are good, some are bad and others are just a blur.’
‘Sadness and a feeling of hopelessness are symptoms of post-natal depression, Pam.’
‘But I was fine for the first few months after Nathan’s birth, then suddenly everything went downhill.’
‘Did you say anything to Tony about it?’
‘No, but I took my emotions out on him. It’s probably what drove him into the arms of another woman.’
Jane sighed. ‘It wasn’t just your mood swings, Pam, and he knows what he did was wrong, but I truly believe it was a one-off and he wasn’t the instigator.’
Pam looked surprised. ‘Was that him on the phone just now?’
‘No, it was Dad. Tony was worried and phoned the house to see if you and Nathan were there. I told Dad you were both fine and staying the night with me.’
‘Do they know what we argued about?’
‘Tony said he’d kissed another woman and you were upset, that’s all.’
‘So he lied again.’
‘Dad forced it out of Tony, but understandably he didn’t want to tell him everything that happened last night—’