They tore off my cloak so that I stood naked; whereupon they pointed me out to each other in wonder, having never before seen a circumcised man. Then they debated together, saying, “Can we let this man go free? He is a danger to our women, who love whatever is new and strange.”
But when they had had enough of mockery, they released me, saying, “Waste no more of our time but deliver to us your servant, for we must bring him to the palace with all speed, today being the Day of the False King. It is the King’s will that we hasten to the palace with the man.”
When Kaptah heard this, he was so terrified that he began to tremble and shake the whole bed so that they found him and, dragging him forth with jubilation, made deep obeisance before him.
They said to one another, “This is a day of great rejoicing, for at last we have found our king who had hidden himself and disappeared from our sight. Our eyes are gladdened by him, and we hope he will reward our fidelity with many gifts.”
The trembling Kaptah stared at them with eyes as big as snaffle rings, and at the sight of his amazement and terror they laughed more than ever and said, “This is indeed the king of the four quarters of the world, and we know his face!”
They bowed low before him, and those who stood at his back kicked him in the seat to hurry him.
Kaptah said to me, “Truly this city-truly this whole world is full of destruction, of maniacs and malignants against whom not even the scarab seems able to protect me. I cannot tell whether I stand on my head or my heels-it may be that I am sound asleep there upon the bed and in the grip of an evil dream. Anyway, I must go with them, for they are sturdy men. But save your own life, lord, if you may. Take down my body from the wall when they have hung me up by the heels, and embalm it for safety’s sake. Do not let them throw me into the river.”
The soldiers howled with delight when they heard him.
“By Marduk, we could have found no better king than this; it is a marvel that his tongue is not in knots with his talking.”
Dawn was now breaking, and they smote Kaptah on the back with their spear shafts to hurry him and led him away. I dressed myself rapidly and followed them to the palace, where I found all the forecourts and outer rooms full of noisy crowds. I was now sure that riots had broken out and that the gutter would run blood as soon as reinforcements arrived from the provinces.
But when I followed the soldiers into the great throne room, I saw Burnaburiash seated on his lion-footed golden throne beneath the canopy of sovereignty, robed in kingly raiment and with the symbols of power in his hands. Round about him stood the chief priests of Marduk, the counselors and the foremost men in the kingdom. But the soldiers never heeded them; they thrust Kaptah forward, making way with their spears until they reached the throne, where they paused.
There was suddenly silence; no one spoke until Kaptah suddenly said, “Take away that devil’s creature, or I shall weary of this game and go away.”
At this moment sunlight broke through the tracery of the east window, and everyone began to shout, “He is right! Take away this creature, for we have had enough of being governed by a beardless boy. This man is wise, therefore we make him king that he may rule over us.”
I could not believe my eyes when I saw them set upon the King, jostling and laughing with rude utterance, to snatch the symbols from his hands and the robe from his back so that he was soon as naked as I when the soldiers surprised me. They pinched his arms and felt his thigh muscles and jeered at him.
“It is plain to see that he is newly weaned and his mouth still wet with his mother’s milk. It is high time that the women in the women’s house had some enjoyment, and we think that this old rogue, Kaptah the Egyptian, can ride in that saddle!”
Burnaburiash uttered no word of protest but laughed with them, while his lion in great uneasiness and perplexity slunk away with its tail between its legs, scared by the mob.
And then for all I knew I might have been standing on my head, for from the King they rushed to Kaptah, clothed him in the royal robe and forced him to take the symbols of majesty into his hands. They pushed him onto the throne and prostrated themselves before him, wiping the floor with their lips. First among them crawled Burnaburiash, stark naked, shouting, “This is as it should be! He shall be our king, and a better one we could not have chosen.”
Then they all sprang up and proclaimed Kaptah king, and they stamped and squirmed and held their sides in mirth.
Kaptah stared at them goggle eyed, his hair on end beneath the royal diadem, which they had set awry on his head.
At length he said, “If I am indeed king, it is worth a drink. Make haste, therefore, to bring in wine, you slaves, if any is to be found here, or my stick shall dance on your backs, and I shall have you hung from the walls. Bring a great quantity of wine, for these gentlemen and friends who have made me king shall drink with me, while I myself mean to bathe up to my neck in wine.”
His words evoked great rejoicing, and the shouting throng dragged him to a vast hall where many luscious dishes were set forth and much wine. Each one took what he fancied, and Burnaburiash donned a servant’s apron and dashed about like a clown, stumbling over people’s feet and spilling wine and sauce over their clothes so that many swore and flung gnawed bones at him. In all the outer courtyards food and drink were offered to the mob; oxen and sheep were quartered there; and the populace could scoop beer and wine from the pools and stuff themselves with a porridge prepared with cream and sweet dates. As the sun rose higher, an indescribable tumult prevailed.
As soon as opportunity offered, I approached Kaptah and said to him privately, “Kaptah, follow me; let us fly unobserved, for no good can come of this.”
But Kaptah had drunk wine, and his belly was swollen with good food. He replied, “Your words are as the buzz of flies in my ear. Never did I hear such witless talk. Am I to go now when all these good people have made me king and bow before me?”
He wiped the grease from his mouth and, shaking a gnawed donkey bone at me, shouted, “Take away this scum of an Egyptian before I lose my temper and let my stick dance on his back!”
It might have gone ill with me, but at that moment a horn was sounded, and a man announced that it was now time for the king to go down and dispense justice to his people; whereupon I was forgotten.
Kaptah was somewhat taken aback when they began to lead him toward the House of Justice and said that he was content to leave the business to the appointed judges-s. ound men whom he trusted. But the people countered this with heat and indignation, and shouted, “We will witness the king’s wisdom to prove to ourselves that he is the right king and knows the laws.”
So Kaptah was lifted to the throne of justice; before him were laid scourge and fetters, the symbols of justice; then the people were called on to step forward and lay their cases before the king.
When Kaptah had pronounced judgment on some of these, he grew weary of the business; he stretched himself and said, “Today I have eaten and drunk and-as I think-toiled and racked my brain enough. As king I am lord also of the women’s house, where so far as I know some four hundred wives await me. I must therefore inspect these possessions of mine, for wine and majesty have strangely fired me, and I feel as strong as a lion.”
When the people heard this, they raised a tremendous shout, which seemed as if it would never end. They followed him back to the palace, where in the courtyard before the door of the women’s house they took up their stand. But Burnaburiash was no longer laughing; he rubbed his hands nervously and scratched his leg with the other foot.
When he saw me, he came up and said rapidly, “Sinuhe, you are my friend, and as a physician you may enter the house of the King’s women. Follow him and see that he does nothing he may be sorry for later. I shall have him flayed alive and set his head to dry upon the wall if he touches my women; if he behaves well, I promise him an easy death.”