I said to him, “Burnaburiash, I am indeed your friend and wish you well, but tell me what all this means, for my liver is heavy to see you in the place of a servant and mocked by all.”
He answered me impatiently, “Today is the Day of the False King as everyone knows; hasten now to follow him, lest evil befall.”
I made no move to obey, though he seized me by the arm, but said only, “I do not know the customs of your country; you must explain to me what all this signifies.”
“Each year on the Day of the False King the stupidest, craziest man in Babylon is chosen king to rule from dawn to sunset in full majesty and power, and the King himself waits upon him. And never have I seen a more comical king than Kaptah, whom I chose for that reason. He does not know what is to happen to him, and that is drollest of all.”
“What then is to happen?”
“At sunset he will be slain as suddenly as he was crowned. I can kill him cruelly if I choose, but mostly I give them a gentle poison in their wine, and they fall asleep without knowing they are to die. Hasten now and see to it that your servant commits no folly of which he may repent before sundown.”
But there was no need to fetch Kaptah, who now came tumbling from the house in a great rage, with blood streaming from his nose and with his hand over his one eye. He said amid howls and yells, “See what they have done to me! They offered me old hags and Negresses, but when I would have tasted a tender kid, it turned into a tiger and gave me a black eye and hit me on the nose with a slipper!”
Burnaburiash was so helpless with laughter that he had to steady himself by catching on to my arms, and Kaptah continued with his lamentation.
“I dare not open the door to that house, for the young woman in there is raging like a wild beast, and I know not what is to be done-unless you, Sinuhe, go in and open her skull and so release the evil spirit that is in her. In truth she must be possessed; how else would she dare lay hands on the King and smite me on the nose with her slipper so that blood flows from me as from a stuck ox?”
Burnaburiash nudged me and said, “Go in, Sinuhe, and see what has happened. You know the place now, and today I may not enter it. Then come and tell me. I think I know which girl it is, for one was brought here yesterday from the islands in the sea from whom I expect much enjoyment though she should first be drugged with poppy juice.”
He pestered me until I went into the women’s house, where all was turmoil. The eunuchs did not hinder me, knowing that I was a physician. Old women who in honor of the day had clad themselves in all their splendor and painted their wrinkled faces came clustering about me, demanding with one voice, “What became of him, our beloved, our heart’s flower, our little he-goat for whom we have waited since morning?”
A big Negress, whose breasts hung down on her belly like black cooking pots, had undressed so as to be the first to receive Kaptah, and she cried, “Give me my beloved that I may press him to my bosom! Give me my elephant that he may wind his trunk about me!”
But the harassed eunuchs said, “Do not heed these women. Their task is but to entertain the false king, and they have drunk their livers full of wine while waiting for him. But truly we need a physician, as the girl who was brought here yesterday is mad. She is stronger than we are and kicks us very severely, and we do not know what will come of this, for she has a knife and is as savage as a wild beast.”
They took me to the women’s court the colored tiles of which glowed in the sunshine. In the middle of this was a round pool in which stood carved water monsters spouting water from their jaws. The frenzied woman had climbed up on these; her clothes had been torn by the eunuchs as they tried to catch her, and she was drenched from having swum across the pool, and from the many jets of water that spurted about her. With one hand she clung to the mouth of a spouting porpoise and in the other she held a flashing knife. What with the rushing of the water and the screams of the eunuchs I could not hear a word she said. Despite her torn dress and wet hair she was certainly a beautiful girl. She confused me, and I said wrathfully to the eunuchs, “Go away and let me speak with her and calm her; shut off the water that I may hear what she says, for I see she is shouting.”
When the rushing of the water was stilled, I heard that she was not shouting but singing. I could not understand the words of the song, for they were in a language I did not know. Her head was thrown back, her eyes sparkled green as a cat’s, and her cheeks were flushed with excitement.
I called to her in a passion, “Cease that screeching, wildcat-throw away the knife and come here that we may talk together and that I may heal you, for you are certainly mad.”
She broke off her song and answered me in imperfect Babylonian-it was even worse than mine, “Jump into the pool, baboon, and swim hither for me to let blood from your liver, for I am exceedingly angry!”
“I mean you no harm!”
“Many a man has said that to me and lied. I may not approach a man even should I so desire, for I have been dedicated to my god to dance before him. That is why I carry this knife, and I will give it my own blood to drink rather than that a man should touch me. Least of all shall that one-eyed devil come fumbling at me, for he looked more like a blown-up bag than a man.”
“Dance your fill, you maniac, but put away that knife; for you might hurt yourself, and that would be a pity since the eunuchs tell me they paid a quantity of gold for you in the slave market on behalf of the King.”
“I am no slave; I was stolen away in secret as you would see if you had eyes in your head. But can’t you speak some respectable language that these people can’t follow? The eunuchs are lurking among the pillars with ears pricked to hear what we are saying.”
“I am an Egyptian,” I answered in my own tongue, “and my name is Sinuhe, He Who Is Alone, Son of the Wild Ass. By profession I am a physician, so you need not fear me.”
She jumped into the water then and swam over to me, knife in hand. Throwing herself down before me she said, “I know that Egyptian men are weak and will not take a woman by force; therefore, I trust you and beg you to forgive me for keeping my knife since it seems likely that this very day I shall have to open my veins lest my god be defiled through me. But if you fear the gods and wish me well, then save me and take me away from this land, though I may not reward you as you would then deserve, for it is forbidden.”
“I have no mind whatever to help you escape,” I snapped at her. “That would be an injury to the King, who is my friend and who has paid a mountain of gold for you. Moreover, I can tell you that the blown-up bag who was here is but the false king who reigns for today only, and tomorrow the real king will visit you. He is still a beardless boy and agreeable in his person, and he expects to find much delight with you when he has once tamed you. I do not think the power of your god can reach you here, and you would lose nothing by submission to the inevitable. It will be best, therefore, for you to make an end of this folly and to clothe and adorn yourself for him. You look far from comely with your wet hair and with the red from your lips smeared all over your face.”
These observations had their effect, for she felt her hair and wetting her finger tip rubbed her eyebrows and lips with it. Then she smiled at me-she had a small and lovely face-and said softly, “My name is Minea, and you may call me that when you take me away and we fly together from this evil land.”
I raised my hands in exasperation and turning walked quickly away, but her face so tormented me that I retraced my step and said, “Minea, I will speak for you to the King; more I cannot do. Meanwhile dress and compose yourself. If you wish it, I will give you a sedative drug so that you no longer care what is done with you.”