“I love him.”
“You loved him,” he corrects me. “And now you have to let him go. He wants you to, honey. What happened out on the field tonight, teammates shunning you, hating on you, do you think he wanted that for you?”
No. He didn’t.
My jaw locks tight in a desperate battle to hold back the tidal wave of pain. I lose and it crashes over me, ripping away my blanket of numbness. My body begins to shake, and I tense every muscle hard so Nicky doesn’t see.
“Jordan?”
He says my name but I don’t hear him. My eyes close and the world drops away from me. All I see is Brody in its place. He’s wrapped around me, his naked skin pressed against mine, our bodies tangled in bed sheets. It’s suffocating, but I love it. I’m warm and safe, and his lips kissing along my brow are heartbreakingly tender. He speaks to me, but my breathing is deep and even. He thinks I’m asleep.
“Don’t go,” he whispers, and his voice cracks with so much pain it squeezes my chest. “You made me want you and need you, and now I can’t live without you anymore. Not for a single second.”
I draw a deep, scratchy breath and open my eyes. My brother is standing now, rubbing a hand over his face like he has no clue what to do or say. I rise to my feet with purpose. What happened is my fault. I know it is. Brody needed me and I wasn’t there. I was never there. And now it’s too late.
“What, Nicky?”
His eyes turn hard. “Let him go.”
“I can’t.” There’s no letting go. Not ever. Even with him gone, Brody’s hold on me will last a lifetime.
“You have to.”
My chin juts out, stubborn to the core. “I don’t have to do anything except what’s right for me.”
“Goddammit!” Nicky growls his frustration. Ripping the beanie from his head, he tugs fingers through his hair. “What are you going to tell them at the press conference in the morning?”
“The truth.”
I begin the walk toward the locker room to collect my training bag. The majority of the team is already on the bus. They’ll be waiting for me if I don’t get a move on. Nicky doesn’t follow.
“Which is what exactly?” he calls out.
I turn, walking backwards. “I’ll figure it out.”
But I already have. I’m just not prepared to argue about it with my brother any longer.
Head bowed, I make my way inside the locker room, water bottle dangling from my hand. Finding my locker, I pull out my bag and shove the bottle inside. After taking out my team jacket, I shrug it on, all while holding myself together when I feel ready to fall apart.
Changing out my cleats for a pair of slip-on shoes, I zip up the bag and carry it out toward the bus, my head held high.
My brother wants the truth? It’s that I once believed being the best was all you had. So did Brody.
But we were both wrong.
Jordan
Two years earlier…
The automatic doors at Austin International Airport whoosh open, ejecting me into a bright, sunny afternoon. I fill my lungs, taking in my very first breath of United States’ air. It’s thick and warm, and after spending seventeen hours stuck inside an airplane sucking down funky, recycled oxygen, it smells delicious.
It also smells like great expectations. My entire future is riding on my year in this country. Rather then crumble under the weight of the pressure, I’ve been telling myself I’ve got this. I’m going to be focused and determined, and I’m going to kick ass. The positive mantras worked well these past six months, which was how long it took for the college dean and my international scholarship agency to get the paperwork in place. Now that I’m actually standing here on American soil, my lungs have seized. I’m not nervous. I’m bloody terrified. I haven’t got this at all. I’ve left behind my entire life in Australia to complete my senior year in college in a foreign country where I don’t know anyone.
My next deep breath of United States’ air starts to taste a little less like excitement, and a little more like an anxiety attack. I start to turn. My only plan: barrel through the elated hordes of reuniting travelers and demand a ticket from the departures counter for the next flight home.
“Jordan Elliott!”
A loud, Texas twang shrieks my name and halts my escape. I turn back, keeping a tight grip on the handles of my luggage as I scan the direction of the shout.
A long, waving arm catches my eye. It’s attached to a slender, athletic female with tousled dark hair and impish brown eyes. She’s looking directly at me, an excited grin plastered across her face.
“Elliott!” she shouts again and starts pushing her way toward me. She’s wearing a Colton Bulls tank top, cute denim shorts, and cowboy boots that look like alligators have attached themselves to her feet.
A smile begins to form and recognition clears the panic from my eyes. “Leah?”
My inspection is interrupted when she envelops me in a hug and dances up and down. I’m squeezed and jostled, and when I’m eventually released, Leah spreads her arms out wide.
“Welcome to Texas!”
Leah’s my new roommate in an athletes’ apartment block right off campus. She’s also a defender in one of the best women’s college soccer teams in the world. After three months of pre-season training, I’ll be starting striker for that very same team.
My lungs seize again. Breathe, Elliott, I chastise internally. Enjoy the moment. The world is your oyster. Glory will soon be yours, blah blah blah.
“Is that all you’ve got?” Leah’s gaze takes in the two hefty suitcases resting behind me with disbelief.
“Yep, that’s it,” I reply.
“But…” she looks at me, doubt furrowing her brow “…you’re here for fifteen months. You do know that right?”
“Of course I know! One suitcase alone is full of soccer gear. What more could I possibly need?”
Leah grabs the handle of the bag sitting on my right. “Screw the soccer gear. You know, if I had to leave my boyfriend and travel halfway around the world, one suitcase alone would be dedicated to shoes and vibrators.”
I take hold of the other and walk alongside her as we make our way out to the parking lot. A sly grin forms on her face. “Did you pack any?”
“Pack any what?”
“Vibrators!” she says in almost a shout. The word garners the attention of several people around us and a flush heats my cheeks.
“No! Of course I didn’t. I mean, those things show up on X-ray scans, right? How embarrassing. With my luck, the TSA would think I’m smuggling drugs inside them and take them out for a closer inspection.”
Leah’s laugh is loud. “It doesn’t matter anyway. There’ll be plenty of male bodies for you to choose from. The guys on campus love female jocks.”
I snort. “I’m not here for sex.”
“Of course you are. It’s college.”
After my luggage is stowed, we’re in the car and zooming directly toward my new home. It only takes half an hour, but with Leah talking non-stop the entire trip feels like minutes.
I barely have time to take in the scenery, but it’s enough to realize that Austin, Texas, isn’t all brown dirt and tumbleweeds, cow dung on the sides of the road, and dusty cowboys riding horses into town. I knew it wouldn’t be. Wikipedia explained in great detail that Austin is a beautiful, thriving city, with clean air and condos, yet I still feel slightly robbed.
“Have you lived here long?” I ask.
“Yep. I’m a born and bred Austinite,” Leah replies as she accelerates through a yellow light. “What about you?”