Chapter eighteen
The visit from Barry had made Colin face the truth. He was destroying himself, drowning in self-pity and letting the system win. He decided to do whatever he could to improve his life. He signed on for anger-management therapy. Perhaps with expert help, he could control his stammer, and find a better way to deal with all of his unruly feelings. He was also accepted onto a writing course, which gave him a chance to express himself and something new to think about.
Colin’s stammer didn’t go away, but he found that nothing halted the flow of words when he wrote things down. Writing helped him communicate and feel better about himself. His rehabilitation was not immediate, but what drastically raised his spirits was the news that Karen was going to come and visit him.
Barry was as good as his word. When Karen wanted a visit, he collected her and waited in the car park for her to come out again. He never asked to see his old friend then, because he felt they needed the time to be together as a family. He visited on his own, and as often as he could.
After a few visits, Karen brought Justin, who could now stand and totter along, to meet his dad.
Colin was sitting, waiting expectantly. When he saw Karen heading towards him, and holding his son’s tiny hand, he felt an incredible joy.
‘This is your daddy,’ she said as they drew close.
Colin opened his arms and the little boy was unsure for a moment, and then said ‘Dada’, before holding out his arms, too. Colin realised Karen must have shown Justin pictures and explained who his father was. He picked him up and held him close and loved the silky feel of his thick curly hair and the smell of his baby skin as the boy said ‘Dada’ over and over.
Karen continued to come back. She loved watching Colin with Justin, but their visits were always charged with sadness. It seemed that as soon as she relaxed and felt comfortable with Colin, the visiting time was up and she had to leave.
They did not discuss divorce, and she did not seriously think about it. She still loved Colin and she wanted to help him get better so that they could have a life together. To add to her hopes, her father had at last accepted her decision and was now writing to the authorities to say that he would have a job waiting for Colin on his release.
Colin was very different now, much calmer and quieter than he had been before.
Writing had proved to be an incredible means of healing for him, and he began to study with great enthusiasm. He often gave Karen a list of books he wanted to read and she happily brought stacks of them in during her visits. Over time, he grew more confident in his ability and even planned to study journalism.
Karen treasured the letters she got from him, each one thoughtful and filled with his love for her and Justin. His writing gave her a greater insight into the person he really was, a tender man who had known hardship, but whose desire now was only to make amends.
Colin’s description of seeing his son born was touching and very beautiful. Karen kept that letter closest to her heart. She planned to read it out in church at their son’s christening, but she was waiting until Colin was released so they could celebrate that blessed event together, as a family.
She now knew why Colin had wanted to call their son Barry. They didn’t argue, but agreed with all their hearts that Barry would be his second name, and Barry himself would be Justin’s godfather.
Justin Barry Burrows would never know the details of his father’s outrageous escape or the painful aftermath that had changed the course of his life. By the time Colin was released from prison, his speech was nearly back to normal, he had won three writing awards and was beginning a career as a trainee journalist with a local paper. What Justin did know was that he had a loving and happy family, and a kind-hearted Uncle Barry who drew great fake tattoos.