Tears began to stream down her cheeks, she touched my hand and pleaded, “Oh, foster father, dear Turms, forgive me for thinking so harshly of you! Why didn’t I keep the matter to myself? I am glad, though, that you didn’t hurt Hanna deliberately, for I loved her so much that I would have been happy if you had taken her to be my mother and I would have had my own little brother or sister.”
I could bear no more. My horror became raging anger, I called upon the gods of the underworld and cursed Arsinoe living and dead for the terrible crime she had committed toward me and innocent Hanna. My curses were so dreadful that Misme covered her ears. Then my anger became anguish as I realized that Hanna had surely died and my child had disappeared for all time. It was useless to search for him. The brothels of Phoenicia kept their secrets and once in them nothing could save one. That Arsinoe knew well.
At length I became calm and said to Misme, “Perhaps it is best that you don’t go to that woman’s house. Any other fate would be preferable to being dependent on her.”
Because I was unable to protect Misme I had to trust to her intelligence and resourcefulness. I told her of the golden bull’s-head and explained where it was buried. I warned her not to try to sell it in Rome but to chip off pieces and sell them in some Etruscan city if she were in need.
Then I kissed and embraced her and said, “I have my guardian spirit and hope that you have yours, you good and dear girl. Don’t worry about me. Just take care of yourself.”
That night I had a clear dream. In it a stoop-shouldered woman, her head covered by a fold of her brown mantle, came to my stone cell. In my dream I knew her and trusted her but upon awakening I could not think who she might be. Nevertheless a feeling of confidence came over me.
Finally I was allowed to wash and put on clean clothing and was taken to the house of justice. I was questioned as to why the Veian robbers had spared my house and I said that I knew nothing about it since I had been with the Etruscans in Sicily. But I mentioned that my ties of friendship in the various Etruscan cities might account for it.
The morning was cold and the consul and quaestor had braziers under their seats. They spread their togas and lifted their feet from the stone floor, and hardly troubled to conceal their yawns. They considered me guilty of treason in time of war on the basis of my own admission and the only question in their minds was whether they had the juridical right to condemn me to death since I was not a Roman citizen. On this point they conveniently concluded that in the eyes of the law I could be compared to a citizen, since I owned fifteen jugera within the borders of Rome and thus could have attained citizenship had I bothered to apply for it. But they could not throw me off a precipice and drag me into the river because I was not actually a citizen. Hence they condemned me to be flogged and beheaded although as a traitor I did not deserve such a respectable death.
Certain death awaited me, for Roman law knew no pardon once judgment was passed nor could I appeal to the people since I was not a citizen. But I was not afraid and did not think that I would die. Indeed, my calmness and confidence so amazed the guard that he became friendly and on many occasions remained to talk with me.
Arsinoe heard about me after my sentence and had made the matter public. Also Misme broke her promise and went to talk to her mother when she heard that any day I would be publicly executed in the market place. As a result Arsinoe appeared in the prison with a basket in her hand to distribute alms to the criminals and prisoners.
When the guard had opened my door she pretended not to see me but said to the senator’s wife who accompanied her, “This man seems to be a Greek. You go ahead and I will feed him, for with his fettered wrists he cannot eat.”
In a clay crock she had the same soup made of ox, pig and lamb meat that had made her famous during the Volscian siege. Dropping to her knees beside me on the dirty straw she began to feed me, holding her face close to mine.
“Oh, Turms,” she whispered, “what have you done to yourself and why did you betray Rome, at whose hands you have met only with kindness? I don’t know how I can aid you or save your life. Nor can Tertius Valerius help, for he is in bed and can no longer talk. He had another stroke yesterday.”
Misunderstanding my expression, she put her hand on my bare chest, stroked it lightly as she had in the past and continued to chatter. “How dirty you are and as thin as a stray dog! I can feel your every rib with my fingers. I have asked advice of a jurist and he has said that if only you were a Roman citizen you could appeal to the people. But one who has been found guilty of treason cannot apply for citizenship. Oh, Turms, you are as impossible as ever! You should at least have thought of Misme. Now because of you she is poor and homeless. Who do you think will marry the daughter of a man who is executed for treason?” When I was finally able to speak I said, “Arsinoe, take your hand away or I will kill you, fettered though I am. With death before my eyes I implore you to speak the truth for once. Did you know that Hanna was pregnant by me when you so mercilessly had her flogged and then sold her as a slave?”
Arsinoe thrust the ladle into the crock in annoyance and pleaded, “Why speak of old and unpleasant matters when we can still look upon each other with living eyes? You caused me quite enough grief with that disagreeable girl. If you insist, of course you could not deceive me. After all, I am a woman. With the first glance I realized what had happened that night in Panormos when I left you to yourself. And afterward I had only to look at the girl’s dog’s-eyes when she thought that no one noticed. At first it amused me but you can imagine my feelings when I realized that she was pregnant by you. I am enough of a woman not to want your bastard in my house.” Even after nine years her face reddened with anger and she raised her voice. “I could strangle you with my own hands for so hatefully betraying me and my love for you!”
Nor was her anger mere pretense. No, she firmly believed that I and not she was responsible for Hanna’s fate. Most deeply she was wounded by the fact that, by a quirk of fate or her own goddess, she herself had not become pregnant by me. For my part I was only grateful and realized that it was by design of the gods. I expected nothing good of Arsinoe’s offspring. I did not even fully trust Misme.
Arsinoe sobbed in anger; then she began to stroke my knee and confessed, “At this stage I have sometimes regretted my deed and I fear greatly that Hanna and her then unborn child will haunt me as lemures in my old age. Such matters are unimportant, of course, and it was not the first time that a master has gotten a slave with child. But I loved you so blindly then, Turms. I was jealous and my pride was hurt. I forgive you now, though.”
She bent over me. I smelled the fragrance of narcissus on her face and noticed that she had reddened her lips and shadowed her eyelids. Her voice was low as she whispered, “Oh, Turms, how I have longed for you, and how often you have come to me in my dreams! But I had to think of my future. All I had was my beauty. Such a commodity must be sold in time for the best price.”
Nor could I help myself as I looked at her glowing eyes and her beautiful mouth, nose and cheeks. “Arsinoe,” I said, “you are still beautiful and in my eyes the loveliest woman on earth.”
She opened her mantle, lifted her face and touched her chin. “How beautifully you lie, Turms! I am an old woman, and it will not be many years before I will be fifty. To be honest, since that is what you wish, I must be almost ten years older than you, although the goddess has helped me seem years younger than I truly am.”